Yesterday was Christmas Eve,so along with thousands of other people across the world we went to do some last minute Christmas shopping,ours was slightly different though.
My husband son and I drove to Bristol and collected our beautiful daughter,the nightmare ended and she wanted to come home.Finally we are a family again,together after nearly 2 years,
so for us it will be the best Christmas ever.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS WORLD
Thursday, 25 December 2008
Friday, 28 November 2008
Message from best friend
To Sxxxx,
It has been about 18 months since you left my life, yet it still feels like yesterday that you were here with me. I miss you so much, there were things that I could tell you that I could no-one else, and still can’t. I miss how you would be funny without trying to be funny but I most of all I miss you just being here. If you see this I just hope that you will at least make contact, come and visit or something because we are all worried about you.
I miss you
Love Hxxxxx
xxxxx
To Sxxxx,
It has been about 18 months since you left my life, yet it still feels like yesterday that you were here with me. I miss you so much, there were things that I could tell you that I could no-one else, and still can’t. I miss how you would be funny without trying to be funny but I most of all I miss you just being here. If you see this I just hope that you will at least make contact, come and visit or something because we are all worried about you.
I miss you
Love Hxxxxx
xxxxx
Sunday, 21 September 2008
Birthday Wishes
Happy Birthday for tomorrow babes,
Another Birthday away from home
I want you to know how much I love you,how much I regret not protecting you,how much I hurt without you.
Our lives have changed so much,yet part of us is suspended in the past,we will never truly be able to move on,not without you.
If you ever need us we are here for you,the door is always open,you just need to shout.
Please remember whatever has happened I will always love you,no damage can't be undone.
Another Birthday away from home
I want you to know how much I love you,how much I regret not protecting you,how much I hurt without you.
Our lives have changed so much,yet part of us is suspended in the past,we will never truly be able to move on,not without you.
If you ever need us we are here for you,the door is always open,you just need to shout.
Please remember whatever has happened I will always love you,no damage can't be undone.
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
A mother's love
A mother’s love is something that no-one can explain,
It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain,
A mother’s love shines brighter than any star in the sky
A mother’s love is never ending never complaining or asking why.
A mother’s love is feeding you giving you the very best
A mother’s love never bends, even when her strength is put to the test.
It is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it or take that love away …
It is patient and forgiving and it never fails or falters
Even though the heart is breaking …
It believes beyond believing, when the world around condems
And it glows with all the beauty of the rarest gems …
It is far beyond defining, it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation …
A many splendoured miracle, man cannot understand
And another wonderous evidence of God’s tender guiding hand.
A mother’s love stays with you, even when you are apart
A mother’s love never dwindles, even when you break her heart.
A mother’s love is steadfast, it stands strong through the years
A mother’s love has endurance, through the smiles and the tears.
It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain,
A mother’s love shines brighter than any star in the sky
A mother’s love is never ending never complaining or asking why.
A mother’s love is feeding you giving you the very best
A mother’s love never bends, even when her strength is put to the test.
It is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it or take that love away …
It is patient and forgiving and it never fails or falters
Even though the heart is breaking …
It believes beyond believing, when the world around condems
And it glows with all the beauty of the rarest gems …
It is far beyond defining, it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation …
A many splendoured miracle, man cannot understand
And another wonderous evidence of God’s tender guiding hand.
A mother’s love stays with you, even when you are apart
A mother’s love never dwindles, even when you break her heart.
A mother’s love is steadfast, it stands strong through the years
A mother’s love has endurance, through the smiles and the tears.
The final chapter
3rd April 2008
Today marks the anniversary of my daughter's disappearance after being groomed on the internet,exactly one year since I saw my beautiful,loving daughter.My emotions are still raw and today is far from easy so please forgive me if I repeat myself or go over old ground.Unless by some miracle I am reunited with my daughter this will be the final chapter of this blog,it appears that no-one in authority cares if she is dead or alive.
I remember this date last year vividly,S had been groomed for several months by this time and despite dozens of requests for help no-one cared about what was happening,no-one in authority that is.Friends and family were terrified by what was happening as were her school but people you turn to in times of need couldn't care less.It was blatantly obvious by February that S was being controlled by the 'bf' of course she couldn't see it,her brother kept telling her he was a paedophile but she wouldn't listen, the 'bf' had full control of her once vibrant personality.Each time I removed one of the secret mobile phones that he had supplied another one would appear as if by magic.The 'bf's' previous victim has since told us that the phones she was given were used for sex talk.Friends had been threatened and verbally abused by him,one poor family were accused of being drug dealers,one girl had to be escorted to the school bus each day after receiving death threats,one family were accused of maltreating their dog and were subsequently investigated by the RSPCA (not that they ever had a dog!!!!!)
What the 'bf' did to us was much worse,apart from the obvious of luring our daughter away from us,taking her away from the safety of her own home and messing with her mind,the accusations that he made will haunt me for the rest of my life.He repeatedly made accusations to the Police,Social services,and even spent weeks sending fax messages to her school,one weekend he called 999 every 10 minutes,the Police soon decided he was a raving nutter!My son was accused of breaking S's arm ,although she had never suffered a broken arm,the police still questioned him about it.My husband escaped relatively unscathed but then he was never close to S,it was me who bore the brunt of his ranting and raving,probably because S and I had always been so close and he had to try so hard to break the bond between us.
The 'bf' accused me of smashing my daughters skull against a brick wall and of holding her down and slashing her wrists,it would be funny if it wasn't so serious.She did have self harm injuries to her wrist,witnessed by a PC who we had asked to see her strange behaviour one day,she was also seen headbutting her bedroom wall by the same pc.The following day she reported to a doctor in Bristol the 'bf' telling the doctor that the injuries were a direct result of being assaulted by her abusive alcoholic mother!!In between October and December 2007 the 'bf' started a vendetta of internet allegations about me,pages and pages of accusations that S had been the victim of child abuse since the age of 12,these allegations were incredibly hurtful and pushed me to the very brink of suicide.
S and I had always been incredibly close,so much so that other people were jealous of how well we got on as mother and daughter.Of course our life wasn't perfect,who's is but we understood each other so well.I look back now on fond memories of the days we had together,the girly times cuddled on the sofa watching Eastenders and sharing pringles,or the baking days when we would take over the kitchen,spending the whole day experimenting with cake recipes,more flour in our hair than in the cakes.S loved animals especially her beloved rabbits,I still have video footage of her appearance on Pet rescue and dozens of photos of her cuddling her favourite furballs.How the 'bf' ever persuaded her to leave her little baby bunny will always puzzle me,she was worried sick when we went away for a week and entrusted her care with neighbours.Of course that poor bunny pined for her when she left,sat each day looking for her,those sad eyes not understanding why she wouldn't come home.
The house is very different now,a pet free zone,none of S's pot plants scattered around,no more sound of the rock tumbler churning away in the shed,no more girly laundry in the machine,no more giggly sleepovers in the garden.In the last year I have seen my son change from a carefree devilish little kid to a strapping young man deeply moved by the course of events,worried about things that 14 year olds shouldn't even understand.
What happened to S the day she disappeared we may never know,we do have proof that she went to Bristol,something that the 'bf' still denies,she wasn't seen for over 6 months and has only been seen by the authorities on 2 occasions since.During the time she was missing we worked tirelessly with the media,both in asking for help to locate her and warning other families of the dangers of sexual grooming.Most media work we were prepared for but waking up to see our daughter projected onto Marble Arch was a huge shock,the charity missing people had forgotten to mention it to us!
We attended regular meetings with the police going over the same information again and again,desperately looking for clues,I spent hours and hours on the internet searching for some idea as to where she was.Of course although he has denied it we now know for a fact that the 'bf' and his dad knew exactly where she was all the way along,the dad even kept press cuttings about her on the back seat of his car,bizzare to say the least!The 'bf' has ruined not just our lives but also S's future,today I can safely say that I don't know if she is dead or alive,I hold him personally responsible if anything happens to her.As her friends prepare to sit their GCSE's and look to the future S is left to live a life of crime and grime with the 'bf' and hid dad.
Despite countless attempts to cause trouble for us,the police know that the allegations against me were a pack of lies,they didn't believe them for a minute.The public of course don't know the full facts,I still find it incredibly difficult to go out in our sleepy town without people questioning what happened,I'm sick to death of people saying there's no smoke without fire or that if there was nothing wrong at home she would have come home by now.Of course people round here think grooming is something you do to your hair,and the three P's don't exist (that's pimping paedophile and prostitution for those of you innocent enough not to know)
I will never understand how the 'bf' had so much control over S,although I have now seen evidence of him doing this sort of thing before so I suppose he has become an expert at it.I still love my daughter,but I love the carefree girl I once knew,the happy,polite and loving girl that I was so proud of.Whether or not I ever see her again is debatable,the door is still open.....just,but as each day passes we grow further apart,our lives move in opposite directions.
The effect that sexual grooming and missing children has on the close family is obvious,not many people realise just how far and wide the trauma travels,grandparents,aunts,uncles,cousins,neighbours,school friends teachers,the list goes on.It is too late to save S from the damage this man has caused but the fight to protect others must go on,one day the government will sit up and take notice,let's just hope that day comes sooner rather than later
A huge thanks to Thames Valley Police and the fantastic Sarah at CROP for their support over the last year,I wouldn't be here without you guys.
Today marks the anniversary of my daughter's disappearance after being groomed on the internet,exactly one year since I saw my beautiful,loving daughter.My emotions are still raw and today is far from easy so please forgive me if I repeat myself or go over old ground.Unless by some miracle I am reunited with my daughter this will be the final chapter of this blog,it appears that no-one in authority cares if she is dead or alive.
I remember this date last year vividly,S had been groomed for several months by this time and despite dozens of requests for help no-one cared about what was happening,no-one in authority that is.Friends and family were terrified by what was happening as were her school but people you turn to in times of need couldn't care less.It was blatantly obvious by February that S was being controlled by the 'bf' of course she couldn't see it,her brother kept telling her he was a paedophile but she wouldn't listen, the 'bf' had full control of her once vibrant personality.Each time I removed one of the secret mobile phones that he had supplied another one would appear as if by magic.The 'bf's' previous victim has since told us that the phones she was given were used for sex talk.Friends had been threatened and verbally abused by him,one poor family were accused of being drug dealers,one girl had to be escorted to the school bus each day after receiving death threats,one family were accused of maltreating their dog and were subsequently investigated by the RSPCA (not that they ever had a dog!!!!!)
What the 'bf' did to us was much worse,apart from the obvious of luring our daughter away from us,taking her away from the safety of her own home and messing with her mind,the accusations that he made will haunt me for the rest of my life.He repeatedly made accusations to the Police,Social services,and even spent weeks sending fax messages to her school,one weekend he called 999 every 10 minutes,the Police soon decided he was a raving nutter!My son was accused of breaking S's arm ,although she had never suffered a broken arm,the police still questioned him about it.My husband escaped relatively unscathed but then he was never close to S,it was me who bore the brunt of his ranting and raving,probably because S and I had always been so close and he had to try so hard to break the bond between us.
The 'bf' accused me of smashing my daughters skull against a brick wall and of holding her down and slashing her wrists,it would be funny if it wasn't so serious.She did have self harm injuries to her wrist,witnessed by a PC who we had asked to see her strange behaviour one day,she was also seen headbutting her bedroom wall by the same pc.The following day she reported to a doctor in Bristol the 'bf' telling the doctor that the injuries were a direct result of being assaulted by her abusive alcoholic mother!!In between October and December 2007 the 'bf' started a vendetta of internet allegations about me,pages and pages of accusations that S had been the victim of child abuse since the age of 12,these allegations were incredibly hurtful and pushed me to the very brink of suicide.
S and I had always been incredibly close,so much so that other people were jealous of how well we got on as mother and daughter.Of course our life wasn't perfect,who's is but we understood each other so well.I look back now on fond memories of the days we had together,the girly times cuddled on the sofa watching Eastenders and sharing pringles,or the baking days when we would take over the kitchen,spending the whole day experimenting with cake recipes,more flour in our hair than in the cakes.S loved animals especially her beloved rabbits,I still have video footage of her appearance on Pet rescue and dozens of photos of her cuddling her favourite furballs.How the 'bf' ever persuaded her to leave her little baby bunny will always puzzle me,she was worried sick when we went away for a week and entrusted her care with neighbours.Of course that poor bunny pined for her when she left,sat each day looking for her,those sad eyes not understanding why she wouldn't come home.
The house is very different now,a pet free zone,none of S's pot plants scattered around,no more sound of the rock tumbler churning away in the shed,no more girly laundry in the machine,no more giggly sleepovers in the garden.In the last year I have seen my son change from a carefree devilish little kid to a strapping young man deeply moved by the course of events,worried about things that 14 year olds shouldn't even understand.
What happened to S the day she disappeared we may never know,we do have proof that she went to Bristol,something that the 'bf' still denies,she wasn't seen for over 6 months and has only been seen by the authorities on 2 occasions since.During the time she was missing we worked tirelessly with the media,both in asking for help to locate her and warning other families of the dangers of sexual grooming.Most media work we were prepared for but waking up to see our daughter projected onto Marble Arch was a huge shock,the charity missing people had forgotten to mention it to us!
We attended regular meetings with the police going over the same information again and again,desperately looking for clues,I spent hours and hours on the internet searching for some idea as to where she was.Of course although he has denied it we now know for a fact that the 'bf' and his dad knew exactly where she was all the way along,the dad even kept press cuttings about her on the back seat of his car,bizzare to say the least!The 'bf' has ruined not just our lives but also S's future,today I can safely say that I don't know if she is dead or alive,I hold him personally responsible if anything happens to her.As her friends prepare to sit their GCSE's and look to the future S is left to live a life of crime and grime with the 'bf' and hid dad.
Despite countless attempts to cause trouble for us,the police know that the allegations against me were a pack of lies,they didn't believe them for a minute.The public of course don't know the full facts,I still find it incredibly difficult to go out in our sleepy town without people questioning what happened,I'm sick to death of people saying there's no smoke without fire or that if there was nothing wrong at home she would have come home by now.Of course people round here think grooming is something you do to your hair,and the three P's don't exist (that's pimping paedophile and prostitution for those of you innocent enough not to know)
I will never understand how the 'bf' had so much control over S,although I have now seen evidence of him doing this sort of thing before so I suppose he has become an expert at it.I still love my daughter,but I love the carefree girl I once knew,the happy,polite and loving girl that I was so proud of.Whether or not I ever see her again is debatable,the door is still open.....just,but as each day passes we grow further apart,our lives move in opposite directions.
The effect that sexual grooming and missing children has on the close family is obvious,not many people realise just how far and wide the trauma travels,grandparents,aunts,uncles,cousins,neighbours,school friends teachers,the list goes on.It is too late to save S from the damage this man has caused but the fight to protect others must go on,one day the government will sit up and take notice,let's just hope that day comes sooner rather than later
A huge thanks to Thames Valley Police and the fantastic Sarah at CROP for their support over the last year,I wouldn't be here without you guys.
Sunday, 23 March 2008
March 2007 The month from hell
The month started with us living if fear for our daughter's life and ended up no better,so much happened that month I could write a whole book about it,perhaps I will one day but here's a brief summary:
My husband has his first direct contact with the BF on the phone,what an experience that was,the police officers are all bogus,he's had this sort of thing before,they are just acting,not real police officers...........is he a nutter????
A neighbour calls in to tell us about death threats from the BF,not a man easily unnerved,a prison officer used to dealing with his type,but he is obviously very concerned and has made a formal complaint to the Police.
The Police come round and tell S a few home truths about the BF,during their visit the BF is on the phone to one of the police officers and is obviously incredibly abusive towards him,the officer is heard to say....."don't you dare speak to me like that"
The everlasting phone call,all we can hear all day and night is the BF on speaker phone giving S orders,get a drink,have a shower,wash your hair,I tried to remove the phone but she has the most amazing strength,we assume that she must be on drugs.
Social services tell us that they can't help,we as parents must ride the storm,our social worker is not much more than a child herself.
After days of no sleep,we decide that the only way to break the control is to remove the phone,S becomes possessed and manages to pick me up and throw me accross the landing,the 2 friends in the house at the time are clearly in shock at what happened and one leaves in tears,shaking like a leaf.
S disappears and is found in Bristol in a motel room a few days later,my husband has to drive as far as Swindon (the halfway point ) to collect her,signing a piece of paper on the bonnet of a police car to reclaim our daughter in the middle of the night.
The frustration is getting too much,no-one will help us,we tell the SS that unless they help we will take her to county hall and leave her there,eventually we have a visit from the GP and the SS,not that it does much good,S goes out under the BF's instructions and once again disappears.
The BF is to be charged with sexual grooming and harrasment,child abduction papers are also issued.
S suddenly appears at 1am after a week away,she doesn't look as though she's washed since she left and doesn't smell fresh!! her behaviour is odd to say the least,so much so that we end up calling the paramedics to check her over.
Throughout all of this the support we get from SS is a joke,I naively thought they would help us.
S has a complete wobbler,so much so that we call the police to witness her behaviour,PC W arrives and she goes balistic,bashing her head against the wall and smashing her desk,she then tries to cut her arms with nails she has pulled out of her desk,PC W is a witness to the whole thing.
The police have a phone call from the BF's dad,saying that the BF is seriously ill in hospital after attempting suicide,S needs to be at his deathbed,we refuse to let her go and within a few hours the BF makes a remarkable recovery and is tucked up at home with his dad.
We attend a meeting at county hall where the SW tells us she has learnt some info about the BF's background,of course she won't tell us what!
S had a brief get together with her best friend,for a short time she seemed almost normal again although the BF was on the phone threatening her during their meeting.
S disappears again and is picked up by police later that day,she has attended a doctor in Bristol and has accused us of being child abusers.
The behaviour becomes more bizarre,sitting under her desk rocking backwards and forwards self harming,screaming about nothing,home life is now unbearable.
The out of hours team have received a fax from the BF stating that I had tried to kill S on 3 separate occasions and that S's life was in danger,he has also sent similar faxes to the school,even the SS admit he is a raving nutter!
I manage to get S to the doctor,who agrees that her injuries are consistent with self harm,the doc suggested that S should take contraception but was told that she was being sick in the head to consider that they were having sex.
The language from our once loving and polite daughter is now awful,anyone daring to go near her is told to F-off,or is labelled a F-ing paedophile.
S goes into school but vanishes during the day, to appear just before midnight the following day.
S goes out for the day and is stopped by police during a drugs raid at mk station!
During all this nightmare we try to keep life as normal as possible for our son and of course we need to go to work whenever we can but we both end up taking time off to handle the ongoing nightmare.
My husband has his first direct contact with the BF on the phone,what an experience that was,the police officers are all bogus,he's had this sort of thing before,they are just acting,not real police officers...........is he a nutter????
A neighbour calls in to tell us about death threats from the BF,not a man easily unnerved,a prison officer used to dealing with his type,but he is obviously very concerned and has made a formal complaint to the Police.
The Police come round and tell S a few home truths about the BF,during their visit the BF is on the phone to one of the police officers and is obviously incredibly abusive towards him,the officer is heard to say....."don't you dare speak to me like that"
The everlasting phone call,all we can hear all day and night is the BF on speaker phone giving S orders,get a drink,have a shower,wash your hair,I tried to remove the phone but she has the most amazing strength,we assume that she must be on drugs.
Social services tell us that they can't help,we as parents must ride the storm,our social worker is not much more than a child herself.
After days of no sleep,we decide that the only way to break the control is to remove the phone,S becomes possessed and manages to pick me up and throw me accross the landing,the 2 friends in the house at the time are clearly in shock at what happened and one leaves in tears,shaking like a leaf.
S disappears and is found in Bristol in a motel room a few days later,my husband has to drive as far as Swindon (the halfway point ) to collect her,signing a piece of paper on the bonnet of a police car to reclaim our daughter in the middle of the night.
The frustration is getting too much,no-one will help us,we tell the SS that unless they help we will take her to county hall and leave her there,eventually we have a visit from the GP and the SS,not that it does much good,S goes out under the BF's instructions and once again disappears.
The BF is to be charged with sexual grooming and harrasment,child abduction papers are also issued.
S suddenly appears at 1am after a week away,she doesn't look as though she's washed since she left and doesn't smell fresh!! her behaviour is odd to say the least,so much so that we end up calling the paramedics to check her over.
Throughout all of this the support we get from SS is a joke,I naively thought they would help us.
S has a complete wobbler,so much so that we call the police to witness her behaviour,PC W arrives and she goes balistic,bashing her head against the wall and smashing her desk,she then tries to cut her arms with nails she has pulled out of her desk,PC W is a witness to the whole thing.
The police have a phone call from the BF's dad,saying that the BF is seriously ill in hospital after attempting suicide,S needs to be at his deathbed,we refuse to let her go and within a few hours the BF makes a remarkable recovery and is tucked up at home with his dad.
We attend a meeting at county hall where the SW tells us she has learnt some info about the BF's background,of course she won't tell us what!
S had a brief get together with her best friend,for a short time she seemed almost normal again although the BF was on the phone threatening her during their meeting.
S disappears again and is picked up by police later that day,she has attended a doctor in Bristol and has accused us of being child abusers.
The behaviour becomes more bizarre,sitting under her desk rocking backwards and forwards self harming,screaming about nothing,home life is now unbearable.
The out of hours team have received a fax from the BF stating that I had tried to kill S on 3 separate occasions and that S's life was in danger,he has also sent similar faxes to the school,even the SS admit he is a raving nutter!
I manage to get S to the doctor,who agrees that her injuries are consistent with self harm,the doc suggested that S should take contraception but was told that she was being sick in the head to consider that they were having sex.
The language from our once loving and polite daughter is now awful,anyone daring to go near her is told to F-off,or is labelled a F-ing paedophile.
S goes into school but vanishes during the day, to appear just before midnight the following day.
S goes out for the day and is stopped by police during a drugs raid at mk station!
During all this nightmare we try to keep life as normal as possible for our son and of course we need to go to work whenever we can but we both end up taking time off to handle the ongoing nightmare.
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