A mum's worst nightmare

Strength and love

2010-11-19T10:44:00.002Z

The last few years have been incredibly stressful, perhaps some of the decisions we made were not perfect but we did what we thought was right at the time.We have successfully rebuilt our shattered lives and despite some attempts this week to rock the boat we are united in the knowledge that not only have we survived as a family but we have not stooped to the illegal and immoral activities that have been used against us.

I have been encouraged to write a book about my experiences in the hope that others will learn about the dangers we faced and the long term implications of sexual grooming, abusive relationships and false allegations.
Sex offenders are often devious, manipulative and very dangerous, they use the most bizarre tactics to try and cover their past but their controlling psychopathic behaviour will eventually be their downfall.

August 2010

2010-08-24T10:58:00.002+01:00

So much has happened since my last entry on here I thought it was time for an update

2 years ago we were told to give up on our daughter and forget about her,social workers told us we would never see her again,police officers told us we wouldn't want to.Being a mum is never easy but maternal instincts are stronger than anything else in the world so giving up on flesh and blood would just never happen.

Today she is a happy confident young woman,she has passed her driving test and has her own car,she has the most amazing boyfriend who is warmly welcomed into our family home.
Whats more she has passed her GCSE's,A*s As and B....not bad considering we are still waiting for the much promissed strategy meeting and support mechanisms to get her education back on track.

To all you parents out there in a similar situation......never give up hope...never stop fighting
Girls caught up in this nightmare are victims,they need help to recover,they need love and support,they need their family around them.

If by chance a young lady called Molly is reading this please remember you are a victim,you have done nothing wrong,the men you are with are dangerous and manipulative,please contact either your family or the police.

Christmas 2008

2008-12-25T04:43:00.002Z

Yesterday was Christmas Eve,so along with thousands of other people across the world we went to do some last minute Christmas shopping,ours was slightly different though.

My husband son and I drove to Bristol and collected our beautiful daughter,the nightmare ended and she wanted to come home.Finally we are a family again,together after nearly 2 years,
so for us it will be the best Christmas ever.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS WORLD

2008-11-28T04:45:00.000Z

Message from best friend

To Sxxxx,
It has been about 18 months since you left my life, yet it still feels like yesterday that you were here with me. I miss you so much, there were things that I could tell you that I could no-one else, and still can’t. I miss how you would be funny without trying to be funny but I most of all I miss you just being here. If you see this I just hope that you will at least make contact, come and visit or something because we are all worried about you.
I miss you
Love Hxxxxx
xxxxx

2008-09-21T14:43:00.000+01:00

Birthday Wishes

2008-09-21T14:36:00.002+01:00

Happy Birthday for tomorrow babes,
Another Birthday away from home

I want you to know how much I love you,how much I regret not protecting you,how much I hurt without you.

Our lives have changed so much,yet part of us is suspended in the past,we will never truly be able to move on,not without you.

If you ever need us we are here for you,the door is always open,you just need to shout.

Please remember whatever has happened I will always love you,no damage can't be undone.

A mother's love

2008-04-02T20:49:00.001+01:00

A mother’s love is something that no-one can explain,
It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain,
A mother’s love shines brighter than any star in the sky
A mother’s love is never ending never complaining or asking why.
A mother’s love is feeding you giving you the very best
A mother’s love never bends, even when her strength is put to the test.
It is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it or take that love away …
It is patient and forgiving and it never fails or falters
Even though the heart is breaking …
It believes beyond believing, when the world around condems
And it glows with all the beauty of the rarest gems …
It is far beyond defining, it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation …
A many splendoured miracle, man cannot understand
And another wonderous evidence of God’s tender guiding hand.
A mother’s love stays with you, even when you are apart
A mother’s love never dwindles, even when you break her heart.
A mother’s love is steadfast, it stands strong through the years
A mother’s love has endurance, through the smiles and the tears.

The final chapter

2008-04-02T18:35:00.000+01:00

3rd April 2008
Today marks the anniversary of my daughter's disappearance after being groomed on the internet,exactly one year since I saw my beautiful,loving daughter.My emotions are still raw and today is far from easy so please forgive me if I repeat myself or go over old ground.Unless by some miracle I am reunited with my daughter this will be the final chapter of this blog,it appears that no-one in authority cares if she is dead or alive.
I remember this date last year vividly,S had been groomed for several months by this time and despite dozens of requests for help no-one cared about what was happening,no-one in authority that is.Friends and family were terrified by what was happening as were her school but people you turn to in times of need couldn't care less.It was blatantly obvious by February that S was being controlled by the 'bf' of course she couldn't see it,her brother kept telling her he was a paedophile but she wouldn't listen, the 'bf' had full control of her once vibrant personality.Each time I removed one of the secret mobile phones that he had supplied another one would appear as if by magic.The 'bf's' previous victim has since told us that the phones she was given were used for sex talk.Friends had been threatened and verbally abused by him,one poor family were accused of being drug dealers,one girl had to be escorted to the school bus each day after receiving death threats,one family were accused of maltreating their dog and were subsequently investigated by the RSPCA (not that they ever had a dog!!!!!)
What the 'bf' did to us was much worse,apart from the obvious of luring our daughter away from us,taking her away from the safety of her own home and messing with her mind,the accusations that he made will haunt me for the rest of my life.He repeatedly made accusations to the Police,Social services,and even spent weeks sending fax messages to her school,one weekend he called 999 every 10 minutes,the Police soon decided he was a raving nutter!My son was accused of breaking S's arm ,although she had never suffered a broken arm,the police still questioned him about it.My husband escaped relatively unscathed but then he was never close to S,it was me who bore the brunt of his ranting and raving,probably because S and I had always been so close and he had to try so hard to break the bond between us.
The 'bf' accused me of smashing my daughters skull against a brick wall and of holding her down and slashing her wrists,it would be funny if it wasn't so serious.She did have self harm injuries to her wrist,witnessed by a PC who we had asked to see her strange behaviour one day,she was also seen headbutting her bedroom wall by the same pc.The following day she reported to a doctor in Bristol the 'bf' telling the doctor that the injuries were a direct result of being assaulted by her abusive alcoholic mother!!In between October and December 2007 the 'bf' started a vendetta of internet allegations about me,pages and pages of accusations that S had been the victim of child abuse since the age of 12,these allegations were incredibly hurtful and pushed me to the very brink of suicide.
S and I had always been incredibly close,so much so that other people were jealous of how well we got on as mother and daughter.Of course our life wasn't perfect,who's is but we understood each other so well.I look back now on fond memories of the days we had together,the girly times cuddled on the sofa watching Eastenders and sharing pringles,or the baking days when we would take over the kitchen,spending the whole day experimenting with cake recipes,more flour in our hair than in the cakes.S loved animals especially her beloved rabbits,I still have video footage of her appearance on Pet rescue and dozens of photos of her cuddling her favourite furballs.How the 'bf' ever persuaded her to leave her little baby bunny will always puzzle me,she was worried sick when we went away for a week and entrusted her care with neighbours.Of course that poor bunny pined for her when she left,sat each day looking for her,those sad eyes not understanding why she wouldn't come home.
The house is very different now,a pet free zone,none of S's pot plants scattered around,no more sound of the rock tumbler churning away in the shed,no more girly laundry in the machine,no more giggly sleepovers in the garden.In the last year I have seen my son change from a carefree devilish little kid to a strapping young man deeply moved by the course of events,worried about things that 14 year olds shouldn't even understand.
What happened to S the day she disappeared we may never know,we do have proof that she went to Bristol,something that the 'bf' still denies,she wasn't seen for over 6 months and has only been seen by the authorities on 2 occasions since.During the time she was missing we worked tirelessly with the media,both in asking for help to locate her and warning other families of the dangers of sexual grooming.Most media work we were prepared for but waking up to see our daughter projected onto Marble Arch was a huge shock,the charity missing people had forgotten to mention it to us!
We attended regular meetings with the police going over the same information again and again,desperately looking for clues,I spent hours and hours on the internet searching for some idea as to where she was.Of course although he has denied it we now know for a fact that the 'bf' and his dad knew exactly where she was all the way along,the dad even kept press cuttings about her on the back seat of his car,bizzare to say the least!The 'bf' has ruined not just our lives but also S's future,today I can safely say that I don't know if she is dead or alive,I hold him personally responsible if anything happens to her.As her friends prepare to sit their GCSE's and look to the future S is left to live a life of crime and grime with the 'bf' and hid dad.
Despite countless attempts to cause trouble for us,the police know that the allegations against me were a pack of lies,they didn't believe them for a minute.The public of course don't know the full facts,I still find it incredibly difficult to go out in our sleepy town without people questioning what happened,I'm sick to death of people saying there's no smoke without fire or that if there was nothing wrong at home she would have come home by now.Of course people round here think grooming is something you do to your hair,and the three P's don't exist (that's pimping paedophile and prostitution for those of you innocent enough not to know)
I will never understand how the 'bf' had so much control over S,although I have now seen evidence of him doing this sort of thing before so I suppose he has become an expert at it.I still love my daughter,but I love the carefree girl I once knew,the happy,polite and loving girl that I was so proud of.Whether or not I ever see her again is debatable,the door is still open.....just,but as each day passes we grow further apart,our lives move in opposite directions.
The effect that sexual grooming and missing children has on the close family is obvious,not many people realise just how far and wide the trauma travels,grandparents,aunts,uncles,cousins,neighbours,school friends teachers,the list goes on.It is too late to save S from the damage this man has caused but the fight to protect others must go on,one day the government will sit up and take notice,let's just hope that day comes sooner rather than later

A huge thanks to Thames Valley Police and the fantastic Sarah at CROP for their support over the last year,I wouldn't be here without you guys.

March 2007 The month from hell

2008-03-23T19:34:00.002Z

The month started with us living if fear for our daughter's life and ended up no better,so much happened that month I could write a whole book about it,perhaps I will one day but here's a brief summary:
My husband has his first direct contact with the BF on the phone,what an experience that was,the police officers are all bogus,he's had this sort of thing before,they are just acting,not real police officers...........is he a nutter????
A neighbour calls in to tell us about death threats from the BF,not a man easily unnerved,a prison officer used to dealing with his type,but he is obviously very concerned and has made a formal complaint to the Police.
The Police come round and tell S a few home truths about the BF,during their visit the BF is on the phone to one of the police officers and is obviously incredibly abusive towards him,the officer is heard to say....."don't you dare speak to me like that"
The everlasting phone call,all we can hear all day and night is the BF on speaker phone giving S orders,get a drink,have a shower,wash your hair,I tried to remove the phone but she has the most amazing strength,we assume that she must be on drugs.
Social services tell us that they can't help,we as parents must ride the storm,our social worker is not much more than a child herself.
After days of no sleep,we decide that the only way to break the control is to remove the phone,S becomes possessed and manages to pick me up and throw me accross the landing,the 2 friends in the house at the time are clearly in shock at what happened and one leaves in tears,shaking like a leaf.
S disappears and is found in Bristol in a motel room a few days later,my husband has to drive as far as Swindon (the halfway point ) to collect her,signing a piece of paper on the bonnet of a police car to reclaim our daughter in the middle of the night.
The frustration is getting too much,no-one will help us,we tell the SS that unless they help we will take her to county hall and leave her there,eventually we have a visit from the GP and the SS,not that it does much good,S goes out under the BF's instructions and once again disappears.
The BF is to be charged with sexual grooming and harrasment,child abduction papers are also issued.
S suddenly appears at 1am after a week away,she doesn't look as though she's washed since she left and doesn't smell fresh!! her behaviour is odd to say the least,so much so that we end up calling the paramedics to check her over.
Throughout all of this the support we get from SS is a joke,I naively thought they would help us.
S has a complete wobbler,so much so that we call the police to witness her behaviour,PC W arrives and she goes balistic,bashing her head against the wall and smashing her desk,she then tries to cut her arms with nails she has pulled out of her desk,PC W is a witness to the whole thing.
The police have a phone call from the BF's dad,saying that the BF is seriously ill in hospital after attempting suicide,S needs to be at his deathbed,we refuse to let her go and within a few hours the BF makes a remarkable recovery and is tucked up at home with his dad.
We attend a meeting at county hall where the SW tells us she has learnt some info about the BF's background,of course she won't tell us what!
S had a brief get together with her best friend,for a short time she seemed almost normal again although the BF was on the phone threatening her during their meeting.
S disappears again and is picked up by police later that day,she has attended a doctor in Bristol and has accused us of being child abusers.
The behaviour becomes more bizarre,sitting under her desk rocking backwards and forwards self harming,screaming about nothing,home life is now unbearable.
The out of hours team have received a fax from the BF stating that I had tried to kill S on 3 separate occasions and that S's life was in danger,he has also sent similar faxes to the school,even the SS admit he is a raving nutter!
I manage to get S to the doctor,who agrees that her injuries are consistent with self harm,the doc suggested that S should take contraception but was told that she was being sick in the head to consider that they were having sex.
The language from our once loving and polite daughter is now awful,anyone daring to go near her is told to F-off,or is labelled a F-ing paedophile.
S goes into school but vanishes during the day, to appear just before midnight the following day.
S goes out for the day and is stopped by police during a drugs raid at mk station!
During all this nightmare we try to keep life as normal as possible for our son and of course we need to go to work whenever we can but we both end up taking time off to handle the ongoing nightmare.

Does anyone care?

2008-03-21T15:10:00.002Z

When a child goes missing the effect on the family is traumatic to say the least,but the police stir into action to help locate them.
When your daughter is groomed it's a different ball game,yes while she is considered to be a missing child at risk the police do what they can to locate her but then what?
Back in October when our daughter was located at the home of the perpetrator the police as expected closed the missper case,various agencies were involved and we were told by police that social services would now step in to handle the situation.

Looking back to that fateful day I suppose I knew it was over,chances were I would never see her again,if I was relying on social care to save the day I might as well wait for pigs to start flying.The Social workers in Bristol still to this day have never met her,I don't believe they have any intention of getting involved,the last time she was seen by anyone in authority was during a truancy sweep back in November.I spoke to the person concerned who told me what happened that day and she was understandably concerned for my daughter's safety and wellbeing.
Since then ..nothing,is she still there,is she still being controlled by the man,is she safe,
No-one seems to know and apart from CROP no-one seems to care,I spend hours every week writing to people asking for someone to intervene you see it's not just our daughter,this is a national problem,hundreds of girls in the same situation.

This week will bring 2 TV programs of interest,The Bill is showing a story of a girl groomed on the internet I hope the guy doesn't get convicted.......I would hate for it to be that far-fetched!!!
On Thursday Panorama are hoping to show their program on sexual exploitation,including the experiences of staff at CROP and more importantly the true story of one girls rehabilitation after being lured into an exploitative relationship.

What happened to GREAT Britain

2008-03-15T14:47:00.002Z

The last year has really hammered home to me just what a mess this country is in,it is now normal for criminals to be protected.The innocent have no rights,despite millions of pounds being spent on strategies and policies to improve life in this country.
The safeguarding children framework is a classic example,it is designed to protect children up to the age of 18...what a joke!!

This is the official line from the home office..........
I am sorry to hear of your experience of not getting the help you obviously need concerning the safeguarding of your daughter. 'Working Together to Safeguard Children', the main inter-agency guidance to safeguarding and promoting the welfare of children, defines a child using the definition in the Children Acts 1989 and 2004, as anyone who has not yet reached their 18th birthday. The processes that the guidance sets out for safeguarding children therefore apply to all children up to the age of 18. The fact that a child has reached the age of 16 or is living independently does not change their status or entitlement to services or protection under the Children Act 1989.

So that's the official line but what of the reality?
We are told that as parents of a 16 year old we have no rights,but of course we can be prosecuted for her not attending school!!!
Social services drag their feet in cases like ours until the child is old enough for the case to be closed,but even then they won't hear the end of me!

Our daughter was groomed by a man with a chequered history,she was not the only girl who he had done this to.It is now nearly a year since we saw her and we have no idea if she is safe or not,social workers are a complete joke,I have written to them and told them that if anything happens to her they will have blood on their hands.

We are told to forget that we ever had a daughter and move on with our lives,could any mum ever forget 15 years of love?? I seriously doubt it!

We are told that she is safe despite the fact that not one social worker in Bristol has ever laid eyes on her,in fact the last time she was seen by anyone in authority was in mid November,but hey we shouldn't be worried...or so they tell us!

We are of course not the only family that this has happened to,there are hundreds of others out there going through the same nightmare as us,some girls are as young as 10 and in 99% of cases the social workers are not interested.So just who is supposed to be looking out for their welfare,should it be social workers,parents or charity workers?

I can safely say that if it wasn't for the help and support that we have had from CROP we wouldn't have survived the last year,but as a charity they are struggling to cope with the size of the problem.

The police officers that we have dealt with have been fantastic,don't get me wrong,but the law itself is useless unless it is used appropriately.

I would like to be able to say that social workers could do a good job if they had more funding but recent months have made it clear that it's unlikely.I have made complaints about the way our case has been handled and had those complaints been handled properly I would have been satisfied.No such luck!!! Our social worker has denied that conversations have taken place,despite police officers being present on many occassions,to be honest it has just put my back up even more.

We have now decided that this country is no longer for us,it's time to move.
Our son will finish his compulsary education then we are planning to leave for pastures new,not a decission we have taken lightly but in the circumstances we have lost all faith in what this country used to stand for.

Life goes on

2008-03-08T05:48:00.002Z

Parts of me stand still at the time my daughter disappeared,trapped in the emotion of losing something so precious,always blaming myself for not preventing the man getting his claws into her.How did I let it happen? Why couldn't I stop it? Am I the only one who cares?

Of course life has to go on,we have to work,pay the bills and get on with everyday life,unlike the high profile missing Maddie case we are not in a position to rely on a huge fund and travel the world,the truth is I wouldn't even if I could,it's not my way.
We have as much as possible carried on with our lives,yes I admit we have both taken time off work,but days rather than months,mostly to attend meetings with the police etc,
Our son has only missed a few days at school,we need to keep to his routine as much as possible,he may be a teenager but even so normality is something of a coping mechanism.

Some life changes are planned for,moving house,special holidays,maybe even a new car,but of course losing a loved one is something no-one would consider planning for,financially or emotionally.We have never had much money,nothing changes there,but we've always got by.
If someone asked me how much is in the bank now I wouldn't have a clue,it's one of those things I really don't care about anymore,I've lost interest,some things don't matter,I could be a millionaire and it wouldn't matter.The garden is a mess and the house is dirty,I haven't baked many cakes since she went,it hurts too much to remember the daft days when we used to have flour fights in the kitchen.

When a child goes missing,it's a bit like a bereavement,you think nothing will be the same again,of course normal things creep back into your life,you don't notice at first then suddenly you reach a point where you have to accept the past and move on.
I found myself at our local casualty department this week,waiting for my son to be x-rayed,my kids have always been in scrapes,falling off bikes etc so nothing unusual,perhaps the only difference was that big sis wasn't there this time for morale support.

The fight for justice goes on,perhaps not in the forefront of our lives,I will never forgive the dreaded wasps for their failings,if anything ever happens to my daughter they will have blood on their hands.Like so many others before her,our daughter is forgotten by the authorities because she is now 16,left in an environment that was once alien to her,gone is the sweet naive girl we knew,now in a life of crime and grime.Always in the hearts and minds of family,never forgotten by friends,some still mention her on websites this week,GCSE's are upon them but they will never forget such a special friend.

We are in a better position than last year,we can now plan weeks ahead,last year days were impossible,in fact even planning hours ahead were a risk.
Our son will have a fantastic summer in the sun,surrounded by people who love him,as for our daughter,who knows what the future holds?

Part of me is scared for her,knowing what has happened and what the man is capable off,unsure of why the wasps protect him so much and at the same time the police treat him with such contempt.
Part of me hates what our daughter has done to us,standing by a man who can cause so much havoc in our lives,letting us think she was dead.
I have to remind myself that she is a victim of crime and hope that one day she will break free ,and realise what he really is.Victims of sexual exploitation can take years to accept what has been done to them,let's just hope that her loved ones are still here when the truth dawns on her.

Much changes and life does go on.

Mothers Day

2008-03-02T10:17:00.003Z

I remember the old days ,2006 and before,my daughter was always so loving especially on Mother's day.
I have a bundle of treasured memories,cards and keepsakes.Messages to say "I love you mum"
or "The best Mum in the world " .
I sit here today,thinking of Shannon Matthews and what her mum is going through,remembering back to last year when my daughter was missing,the pain and hurt that lives within you forever.What turned my kind and compassionate daughter into a complete stranger,what control did that man have over her?

Sitting on the kitchen unit today is a beautiful bouquet,from a loving daughter to her mum.
It is of course waiting to be collected by a neighbour,the florist didn't have a clue how symbolic it was to ask me to look after it.

Treasured Memories

2008-02-20T12:38:00.002Z

After my daughter disappeared her belongings were put into storage,most of them at least.
Today my son wanted to sort through the few bits and bobs we have left here,I guess it's his way of dealing with the situation.The thought of looking through them again filled me with fear,knowing full well that my emotions are still raw.
As I sat looking at what remains,I wonder what sort of life she has now,will she ever be the same happy, carefree person she once was.

Back in September,just before her birthday,schoolfriends came to the house to film a TV appeal,they also brought presents and cards.Those presents remain unopened,still waiting for the loving girl to come home.
Today,I'm not sure why,I felt the need to open the cards and letters,some nagging doubt that one may just hold a clue to where everything went wrong.It was as though they were the only part of her that the police hadn't been through with a fine tooth comb.

One letter is from someone who was a very special friend,in fact they shared the same birthday
As I read that letter aloud to my son tears flowed down my cheeks,a neverending stream of bottled emotions.I don't know if that girl has made contact with my daughter since,I guess I may never know,but I do wonder if the man realises just how much pain he has caused.

As I pack these last few memories into a box along with the pink rabbit and brown teddy bear,I feel as though I'm closing a chapter in our lives.

The long fight for justice

2008-02-18T20:52:00.003Z

Justice isn't something that will happen overnight,it may take years,but one day justice will come for all the victims of exploitation.

You see I have a dream,perhaps it is far-fetched,perhaps I'm crazy to believe in parent power but dreams make the world go around!

My hopes and dreams are the same as those of most people in my situation;

* Safety for our children

* Prosecution for the perpetrators

* Social workers who understand sexual exploitation

* Clear-cut rules on the oh so murky grey area

* 24/7 support for parents from people who genuinely understand the problem

* More safe houses for exploited girls and women

* Regular contact and updates from the authorities

The last year has opened my eyes to the unsavoury world of grooming,exploitation and lack of concern from the authorities.

Broken hearted

2008-02-16T19:24:00.002Z

How can I help my son to get through this nightmare?
He's hurting so badly,a whole year without his sister,the anger and frustration is pushing him to the limit and no explanation,no reason.

Today is the first day of half term,this time last year my son could see his sister slipping away from us.He always looked up to her,they were so close,now he hates her for the pain we have all been through.I can't explain the reasons for what happened,I don't have the answers,I want to hold him close and tell him it will all be ok.......but will it?

I know today's a tough one,he doesn't have to tell me,I can tell by the music.
Certain songs have become symbolic:snow patrol...cars,Paramore...broken, the one on the youtube video for ceop,and of course Greenday.....September

Our lives have been turned upside down and the future scares the hell out of me.
If anything happens to my son I don't think I could go on,yet I can't stop him from living his life.
His big sis should be here to support him,not living a different life away from the people who love her.

My horoscope

2008-02-16T13:33:00.003Z

This really made me laugh,
Horoscopes are usually a load of coblers,but this one seems so accurate!

Taureans are often described as stubborn.Honestly! What were those astrologers thinking of? You? Set in your ways?Doggedly determined? Why that is about as likely as....as.....well...er...I suppose,they may have a point.But only sometimes.Only when there's justification or a goal worth achieving.It is not as though you pick fights for the sake of it.
This week something is wrong and it has to be put right.That's going to require every last ounce of strength.Don't apologise for your motivation and tenacity,be proud of it.

Public Protection Order

2008-02-13T10:51:00.002Z

13th February

This date sticks in my mind,or is it the pit of my stomach?
Looking back to this day last year,it was the realisation of just what what we were dealing with,just how evil and cunning someone could really be.

Our daughter had been missing for 3 days,the police had spoken to her on the phone and convinced her to call in at a local police station so that she could be "sighted".
We were initially relieved that she had been found safe and well but the events that followed have haunted me ever since.
When she went out on 10th Feb she had left a really nice letter,saying that she was going away with ***** for a few days,we were livid of course but the letter reassured us everything would be back to normal very soon.

When the two of them appeared at the Bristol police station,she was detained under a Public Protection order,what happened next is unclear as we were not presesnt,the information we have has come from police officers so we believe it to be a true account of the events of that night.

Our loving daughter under the control of the perpetrator accused my husband and I of being child abusers,I still feel sick today thinking about this.
We have never hurt our children and never would,the Police of course had to investigate,which we fully accepted.
Due to the allegations and the fact that she had been trafficked over 3 hours away from home ,it was decided to place her in temporary Foster care overnight,sadly after approximately 3 hours she disappeared,not to be seen again for 2 weeks.

I will never understand how this guy controlled her,was it drugs,brainwashing,who knows?
But control he did,he stole my daughter last February,stole a much loved sister,we are now left with so much uncertainty and so many unanswered questions.

So what about this year?

At the moment memories are still raw,we try to live a normal a life as possible,but the truth is our lives will never ever be the same.
February 2007 changed us all forever,some people say things happen for a reason,some days that is easier to believe than others.

As a parent I will never be able to forgive myself for not protecting my little girl,for not being able to stop the grooming process once I could see what was happening,something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Emotional overload

2008-02-10T09:28:00.000Z

Today is so very hard,
10th February sticks vividly in my mind...the very first day my baby disappeared,the first day of our nightmare.
I'm trying to keep busy,cleaning the house,but memories are everywhere.All of her possessions have been put into storage,too painful to look at them any more.

Daft things trigger emotions,watering our only remaining houseplant,the others died long ago.The house was once full of plants,mostly her spider plants,about 47 I seem to remember,of course as the last year progressed the plants soon gave up the ghost,as did the pets and as did our hope.

Lurking in the shoe cupboard are a very dusty pair of school shoes,they should go in the bin,but I can't bring myself to do it,she has lost the opportunity to complete her education but somehow throwing them away seems so final.

As I dust the ornaments and picture frames I remember the sweet angelic girl I once knew,I wonder if I will ever see her again.Is she still loving and caring,honest and truthful or has he changed her beyond recognition?

My husband and I went to Westminster on Thursday to meet with the Bristol MP,she listened to what we had to say but somehow I don't think she heard us.

The truth is that appart from the team at CROP no-one really cares,the dreaded wasps certainly don't.I have yet to find a wasp who even understands what sexual grroming is!

Friends become strangers,avoiding you because they don't know what to say anymore,life becomes incredibly lonely.

Somehow it doesn't matter who wants to talk and who doesn't,there is only one person I want to sit down and talk to,so many questions unanswered,so much hurt,so much uncertainty.

Stripping the soul

2008-02-07T19:41:00.000Z

I once had a daughter, a beautiful happy intelligent girl,a girl I was so proud of.
She had plans to make something of her life,not to doss about but have a good life.....work hard,play hard,travel the world.

That all seems a long time ago now,the friends that she met on the internet all died suddenly!
Or did they? 3 different friends in the space of a few weeks.......I hardly think so!

The knight in shining armour stepped in to console her,he himself was in mourning for his mum or was it gran or was it sister?The story changed each week,we could see it but our daughter couldn't,our son told her he was a paedophile tring to stalk her but to no avail,the damage was done,he was bleeding her dry,stripping her very soul from within.

Who knows what the future holds now,the authorities don't care and to be quite honest after a year of fighting I'm not sure I have the strength to continue.

I am writing a book from our diary of the last year,it contains very graphic details,things that happened,feelings and emotions,hopes and fears.

Perhaps people will learn from our experience,spot the warning signs and take action sooner,it's too late for us,but if just one family is saved from the torment that we have endured it will be worth it.

Update on "the wasps"

2008-02-06T20:47:00.000Z

At last senior wasp called me today,not because I had left umpteen messages for her or because I had asked junior wasp to get her to call me,oh no that would be far too simple,she called me because BIG wasp had received my official complaint!

I work on a very simple rule in life,do things when they need doing, don't put them off because it only makes things worse.The last year has taught me that if you ever leave a message for a wasp to contact you there isn't much chance of it happening without a fight.
Senior wasp today denied that junior wasp had ever failed to return my calls,of course the police advised us a very long time ago to record everything that happened especially relating to the dreaded wasps.
Denying daft little facts is pointless when my diaries now run into several large books,I can confirm any detail they wish to argue with.

I was told today that my daughter is safe and happy living with the man who was issued with child abduction papers and arrested for sexual grooming,the question is how do they know that she is safe and happy?

It should be simple to find out .......or you would think so!
But in fact the dreaded wasps who are so sure that she is safe have NEVER in fact met her!!!

I told senior wasp today that the general concensus is for the wasps to delay dealing with 15 year olds because if they dragged their feet long enough they could close the case,she didn't argue!

I wanted to have a sensible conversation with my son today about the future, he had overheard my conversation with the wasps today and wasn't impressed.
He told me that if they ever wanted to speak to him again they would be out of luck,you see not only have we been badly let down by them but so has he.
Another generation not trusting what they say,knowing how ineffectual they are,and knowing that they are no help in times of crisis.

The Police

2008-02-04T09:10:00.000Z

New Years Eve 2006,we sat drinking with friends and neighbours laughing about the kids waving to passing police cars as we danced the streets,we all admited that we didn't know any of the local bobbies.
My God how much that has changed!
From the first missing person report filed by the local pc we soon moved up the ranks,our diary shows the endless number of officers entering our house,taking details,looking for evidence,investigating claims that our daughter was being beaten black and blue!
The local bobbies were clearly hacked off with the perpetrator and his lies,the repeated 999 calls when it was obvious nothing was happening,such a waste of their precious manpower.

We were always open and honest with the boys in blue and I'm sure that helped both sides,for a family who had no previous dealings with them we have certainly learnt a lot.

The local CID took over the case in early April,with specialist search teams coming in taking personal effects for DNA samples something that really shook us.
As the case progressed we were invited for regular strategy meetings at either wasp central,in the broom cupboard or in Silver Command suite at the Police station.
The first of those meetings left me feeling totally bewildered,to see our daughters details projected onto huge computer screens,just totally sureal.

Most of our contacts were with the lovely missper co-ordinator who was always available at the end of the phone,the DS and the DI who were both compassionate and proffesional throughout.
We met the area commander at one stage and were quite shocked that she knew so much about the case,we knew that the DCI had been involved but somehow it seemed that these people knew more about our daughter than we did.

Of course by the time our daughter was found,albeit at the home of the perpetrator the case had to be closed as far as her being missing was concerned,she was by then 16 years old.

So what happens next,do we follow what the wasps tell us and forget that we ever had a daughter, HELL NO! over my dead body,
The case is now being investigated by the UKHTC in Sheffield, yet another team of Police officers!

There is often poor reporting of the Police by the press but when you get as close to them as we have you soon realise that it is not them that is at fault but the laws themselves.
The red tape that restricts them is ludicrous,if they had the freedom to investigate crimes and prosecute as they should be able to the country would be in much better shape.
Sadly we are not in a good place,there is nothing Great about Britain anymore,political correctness has gone mad, do-gooders have done more harm than good, criminals are protected and that has to change,otherwise vigilantes will take over.

Emptiness

2008-02-03T15:39:00.000Z

The house stands still and silent
Yet chaos rules within
The soul has gone forever
I don't know where to begin

No more the girly chatter
No more the purple and pink
Does it really matter
Just ask me what I think

The house feels cold and bare
The garden is forlorn
I long to chat and share
The stories since you were born

No one understands why I cry each and every day
No words can comfort me,no matter what they say

February

2008-02-03T08:06:00.000Z

The last year has passed in a blur,it's almost a year now since I first reported my daughter as a missing person.That Saturday night the 10th February is carved in my mind,PC's Kevin and Richard sat in our house asking for an up to date photograph,little did we know that very same picture would become so public in coming months,appearing on Marble Arch and on the back of EMCOR vans,on TV and in newspapers.
On 13th February our daughter was PPO'd by Bristol Police after walking into a Police station with the perpetrator,something he is later to deny.She accused us of being child abusers and was put into emergency foster care,walking out just a few hours later.
The following few weeks plunge family and friends into such a confused state,lack of information and no-one to turn to leave me feeling helpless and alone.There are so few people out there who can truly understand the implications of sexual grooming,we were very lucky that the Police were so supportive throughout,it made the whole experience so much more bearable.

On Tuesday 27th Feb our daughter turned up at school,at least physically it was her,looking dirty and bedraggled.Mentally I'm still not sure who it was,the loving caring girl that we all knew had gone,replaced by someone who to this day I am convinced was drugged to the eyeballs.
The conversation that took place in a school office shocked not just me but also her form tutor,gone was the quiet well behaved pupil,as though she had been abducted by aliens,what had happened in those 2 weeks we will never know.

The sensible logical girl had been replaced by a screaming unco-operative irrational person that scared us to death.She refused to get in the family car because ***** had told her that we would kidnap her,she refused to eat our food because ***** had told her it was poisoned.Just what had he done to her to turn her mind against us,how could she accuse us of abuse,not our little Sammy

The following few days were spent constantly on the phone begging for help from anyone we could think of,how naive we were to think that there was anyone out there.What a shame we didn't hear about CROP until so much later down the line,Parentline were hopeless,the dreaded wasps just made me feel like a complete failure as a parent and still do.
The truth is that if this ever happens to you good luck,because you will need it!

If.......Rudyard Kipling

2008-02-01T21:20:00.001Z

If you can keep your head when all about youAre losing theirs and blaming it on you,If you can trust yourself when all men doubt youBut make allowance for their doubting too,If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,Or being hated, don't give way to hating,And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;If you can meet with Triumph and DisasterAnd treat those two impostors just the same;If you can bear to hear the truth you've spokenTwisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:If you can make one heap of all your winningsAnd risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,And lose, and start again at your beginningsAnd never breath a word about your loss;If you can force your heart and nerve and sinewTo serve your turn long after they are gone,And so hold on when there is nothing in youExcept the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;If all men count with you, but none too much,If you can fill the unforgiving minuteWith sixty seconds' worth of distance run,Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!--Rudyard Kipling

"Sexual exploitation" by Barnardos

2008-01-29T21:08:00.000Z

Sexual exploitation
Children involved in prostitution are victims of abuse and sexual exploitation. They may believe that they are making informed choices, but are usually coerced into such a lifestyle by others. For example, it is common for a girl to think that the pimp who controls every aspect of her life is her boyfriend and she remains loyal to him despite the fact that he forces her to have sex with many men and beats her if she refuses. Similarly, boys abused through prostitution rarely see themselves as victims of abusive sexual behaviour.
"He bought me clothes, jewellery, expensive rings, and told me he'd be with me forever, never leave me or hurt me. But all I have got out of my life is a drugs problem and lots of beatings,"Jane, aged 16, speaking about her pimp
The true extent of abuse of children and young people through prostitution is unknown because most activity takes place behind closed doors. The hidden nature of this heinous crime makes it easier for abusing adults to continue enslaving and selling children. The internet and mobile phones have also unfortunately made this sickening ‘trade’ in children easier as it is now possible to watch as children are abused.
The facts
We work with girls as young as ten and boys as young as eleven who are known to have been abused through prostitution
The horrific abuse these children suffer can be extreme; they are raped, sexually assaulted, suffer bruises, burns and broken bones
The pain of children’s experiences often shows itself in self-destructive behaviour such as self-mutilation, overdosing and eating disorders.
"Do you think I just woke up one day and thought ‘I’ll be a rent boy today?’ Thousands of things have happened to get me here - mum leaving, no-one at home, hanging around the pub waiting for dad, blokes trying to touch us up, seeing boys do tricks and getting cash and fags"14 year old boy abused through prostitution.
How Barnardo's helps
Barnardo’s runs 29 sexual exploitation projects that offer a safe, confidential environment where young people can go for help, advice and support. They provide food, bath and laundry facilities as well as advice and information on accommodation, careers, contraception, sexual health and drug use.
Our project workers actively seek out the young people, offering them someone to talk to and the long-term support they need if they want to change their way of life. The projects also work extremely closely with the police to bring about the prosecution of the perpetrators of sexual exploitation. Our research suggests that what we do to help young people who are sexually exploited does work.
We also campaign to raise awareness of the issues and our efforts have influenced the government to change law and policy throughout the UK. This includes the Sexual Offences Act 2003 which was the first major overhaul of sexual offences legislation for more than a century.

Cotton wool

2008-01-27T16:31:00.000Z

I was physically sick yesterday with worry, I doubt anyone noticed why.
My son had arranged to go to the local shopping centre with mates, old enough to be trusted and buses reliable why should I worry?

This time last year my daughter did the same thing,the only problem is that she wasn't with mates as she had promised, instead she had met up with a man who it turns out had a history of grooming young girls. It has now been nearly 10 months since we saw her, the odd meeting to the local shopping centre soon became much more worrying, days turned into weeks her behaviour and attitude to life changing completely.
I will never understand how someone can gain so much control over a girl who was so independant and free thinking, we are still left with so many unanswered questions.

My loving son returned home as promised before 6pm, happy with his day of independance.
My nerves now calmed I know I can't wrap him in cotton wool, it doesn't stop me from giving him the biggest hug imaginable.

When I look at him I often wonder what his sister would say, would she recognise him now, what would she think to his style of dress, his new taste in music, I hope that one day soon we will all find out.

The ups and downs of emotions

2008-01-25T20:25:00.000Z

During the last year we have all learnt to deal with changing emotions,sometimes we can deal with it and sometimes we can't.
Sometimes the dark days go on forever,sometimes its just a few minutes of despair.
Reading back through last years diary brings back a whole mass of emotions that although never forgotten somehow don't seem as bad now.
Perhaps people are right when they say time heals all wounds,perhaps we have just become hardened to the scum of this world and evil tactics they use.

When people ask me to explain sexual grooming and the effects it has on the families concerned they always seem shocked,I guess we would have been a year ago.Now of course its just everyday life to us,we take it in our stride,the phone calls from police officers seem normal,the thought of living a normal life again seems like a fairy tale.

I still feel really confused by the laws relating to children,I am my daughters legal guardian if the authorities wish to prosecute me,however if I want to exert some control over the current situation then I have no rights as a parent.

Today I was really encouraged after talking to the police,there seems to be some hope for the outcome we are fighting for,sadly that was soon squished by a call about the dreaded 'wasps'.
I have always been an honest person and take pride in giving good customer service in my job
so I find it really hard to deal with people who are supposed to be some sort of authority in the welfare of children.These people lie to make themselves sound better and to be honest wouldn't know good customer service if it jumped up and smacked them in the face.

Along with most parents in our situation,we have discovered that the authorities don't give a damn about the welfare of the child,all they want is to get rid of the case as fast as possible.
Sadly for them,they may be able to forget the child but the parents don't give up easily.

For all the girls out there who have been exploited by men pretending to be boyfriends,the fight will go on,some families will never give up on their children,no matter what!

Victoria Sandwich

2008-01-23T18:00:00.000Z

My son really wants a victoria sandwich with jam and butter cream,the only problem is we can't make one.
There is only one member of the family who has ever been able to make a good sponge cake and she hasn't been here for a long time.
It's really odd what reduces me to tears these days,the inability to make a cake is today's problem along with finding a pair of pink converse lurking at the back of the cupboard.
Social services tell us to forget we ever had a daughter but when you've loved a child so much it is absolutely impossible to forget,no matter what they tell us.

So what do I do about the cake,perhaps I should keep trying and keep producing frisbees,perhaps I should give in and accept the fact that we won't be eating them again.

For your little bro please come home and make a cake babes, just like you used to.

Countdown

2008-01-22T22:11:00.000Z

My son knocked the stuffing out of me at the weekend,
Just a few little words but I was totally taken aback.

He sat quite calmly and said that there were 76 days to go,
although I knew what he was referring to I asked him,
"76 days until my sister has been gone for a year"
I can't be optimistic and say that she'll be home,not anymore
To do that I would have to feel it myself,I really wish she would come home,
After so long it's hard to imagine anymore

I long to hold her close,just like we used to,chat about daft girly things again
I dread the anniversary of her leaving and I'm not sure how any of us will cope

As this month progresses I look back and remember that this time last year our nightmare was just beginning,the carefree days seem like a lifetime ago.

Babes if by any chance you are reading this,PLEASE make contact,you may not be officially missing anymore but you haven't been seen now since November and I'm just as worried today as I was in April when you left

I love you babes

UK Internal trafficking

2008-01-20T15:43:00.000Z

Group targets grooming of girls

Girls are threatened and isolated from their families. The scale of the problem of British girls being lured into prostitution in their own country is being examined by the Home Office.
A working group is being set up to examine "internal trafficking" of girls in their teens or younger.
In some cases, girls as young as 10 are believed to have been groomed by youths pretending to be boyfriends. They are passed on and end up in prostitution.
Campaigners said the authorities had been slow to react to the problem.
In a report seen by the BBC, the Home Office recommends that "the newly formed UK Internal Trafficking Group will seek to define the extent and nature of this phenomenon".
It can happen to any child from any family.
Home Office Minister Vernon Coaker confirmed it had commissioned work to examine internal trafficking.
He said a film was also being made to be shown in schools to warn children of the dangers.
"There's work going on with prosecuting authorities to make sure they're aware of this issue and understand it and then there's work going on in communities to make sure that people are aware of this as a potential problem," he said.
"We also want to have services that protect and support victims as well."
Threats and beatings
The BBC has learned that internal trafficking follows a typical pattern in which a girl aged about 12 is approached and won over by a good-looking, well-dressed teenage boy.
He gives her jewellery, mobile phones and later drink or drugs, and pretends to be her boyfriend.

"Emma" told the BBC she was groomed by a teenage boy
Once under his spell, the girl is turned against her parents and persuaded to have sex with her boyfriend's older "uncles" or "friends" to pay him back for the money he has spent on her.
Gradually, she finds herself spending all her time with the older men who force her, often with violence, to work as a prostitute.
Meanwhile, her original "boyfriend" is out targeting another young girl.
One victim Emma, which is not her real name, was targeted when she was 13.
"In schools we're always warned about a man in a white van, but we're never warned that someone nearly your own age could be targeting you to groom you for prostitution," she said.
Emma was too terrified to ask for help.
"They've threatened to rape my mum and make me watch," she said.
"Firebomb my house. Shoot me, shoot my family. They've threatened to do all sorts of things."
Parents 'bewildered'
Hilary Willmer, from the Coalition for the Removal of Pimping (Crop), said she had seen dozens of cases of internal trafficking.
Ms Willmer said: "It can happen to any child from any family. The men, the gangs have all the experience. The children, the families and the parents are bewildered, don't know what's happening."
She welcomed the Home Office action, but said part of the problem was the law.
The whole issue with trafficking is that it's a secret, covert crime and there's a great deal of control placed over the victims
Nick KinsellaUK Human Trafficking Centre
Once older than 13, a girl may be asked to give evidence in court against an attacker.
"In practice, unless the primary victim is prepared to give evidence then it's very difficult to make charges stick," Ms Willmer said.
"The men know this, so they often wait until the girls are 13 before actually having sex with them."
North Yorkshire Chief Constable Grahame Maxwell said many forces were aware of this problem and officers were now trying to piece together the national picture.
He said: "It is a very difficult crime to detect. We are talking about people who don't want to talk about things in the open.
"When they actually find out the extent to which the exploitation has been carried out on them, how much they have been abused, how much they've been forced to have sexual partners, it's a very difficult thing to comes to terms with."
The UK Human Trafficking Centre (UKHTC) in Sheffield recently appointed a dedicated detective sergeant to work on internal trafficking cases.
Nick Kinsella, head of the UKHTC, said the scale of the problem was unclear.
"The whole issue with trafficking is that it's a secret, covert crime and there's a great deal of control placed over the victims and so that's always difficult to break down irrespective of the age," he said.

Moving on

2008-01-20T15:09:00.000Z

A colleague asked me yesterday why I hadn't forgotten about my daughter by now, is that what people really expect?
Could any mum ever forget 16 years of love?
Ask any mum in our situation how they feel and I'm sure they will tell you the same......you never give up hope!
Hope that one day your loving child will appear at the door, hope that the nightmare will be over, hope that the family will be truly happy again and most of all hope that the perpetrator is punished for his crimes.

Of course we will never be able to turn back time, some things have changed for good, physical things and emotional. For those of us left behind have changed, our lives have not panned out the way we had planned and the future remains very uncertain. But what of our daughter, what has happened to her life? We know that her man/boyfriend/pimp (call him what you will) has prevented the authorities from seeing her.we know that he has driven a wedge between her and her friends & family.We know that she has lost the opportunity to complete her education and yes sadly we know that she has been introduced to street drugs.
The door is always open, but how do we convey that message to her when we are not able to speak to her, hopefully the IP address in Bristol will log onto this blog again this week.

The rabbit hutch has now gone,the garden looks even more lonely,the house has lost its sparkle,
the grandparents have lost their only granddaughter.
Perhaps time heals all wounds as people say, but these wounds run deep and time isn't something that is in abundance for everyone.
So my love, if you read this, please take note-

Your family will always love you, no matter what,
You will NEVER be forgotten,
The door is always open,you just need to shout,
Please don't be a stranger, get in touch,
I long for you to be knocking at the door to say can I come in,
Rather than the police asking us to identify a body.
There is help out there for you,
Please just ask,
If it's the last thing I ever do,
I will fight for justice until the bitter end

I Love you babes & always will

"Love It" magazine

2008-01-18T13:13:00.000Z

In this weeks edition there is what is called -a shock news report:

GIRLS FORCED TO BE PROSTITUTES AGED 10

The article mentions boyfriends showering girls with gifts,jewellery,mobile phones
Girls being lured away from friends and family
Encouraged to drink and take drugs
Persuaded to have sex with older friends or 'uncles' to pay for the gifts
Parents begging for help from the police and social services

Perhaps to many people it may seem far fetched,in fact a year ago I would have thought the same.Now sadly for many people this is the reality of Britain today,it doesn't just happen in inner cities it can happen anywhere and it can happen to anyone.

I have sat today having coffee with a drugs advisor,getting information on the effects of drugs and what parents can do to help their children.
These children have had their childhoods stolen by men who promise the earth,who tell the girls its real love and they are the only people who really understand them.
The truth is that these men are very dangerous and they get a thrill out of each victim they win over,unlike the parents,they aren't interested in the long term welfare of the girls,more so the short term welfare of their wallets.

Lets hope that the Home office minister quoted in the article takes the tough action on the perpetrators that he has promised.
Too many lives have already been ruined,this crime has to stop,these girls have to be protected.

The suffolk murders

2008-01-17T08:23:00.000Z

The murder trial has started this week of 5 Suffolk prostitutes.The interest in the case at the time didn't seem appropriate, yes it was covered for a few weeks and then all forgotten until this week.
The parents of those girls must have been devastated,not just by their deaths which were traumatic enough,but also by the way that the public didn't seem that bothered because of their roles in society.
The question is did these girls choose prostitution as their careers?.....somehow I doubt it.
They all had a drug problem,more than likely introduced by their pimps.

These girls were all exploited,let down by society and even more so let down by the authorities who quite frankly don't care.
Social workers are only interested if they can get a happy outcome and place a tick in their case complete box.

How many more young girls will have their lives ruined by pimps?
How long will it take for the authorities to stand up and take notice?

6th form applications

2008-01-14T19:50:00.000Z

This week is very important for my daughter's friends, it's their last chance to apply for places in the 6th form at the school where they have matured from pre-teens into outstanding young ladies and gentlemen.

The school is very special, one of the few Grammar schools left and has outstanding results.More than that though is the very special bond that the pupils have both with teachers and fellow pupils.

The year 11 pupils have now reached the stage when most of them will go on to the 6th form , and in a few years time many will then follow on to University.

My daughter, like her friends and classmates had such an amazing future ahead of her, there was never any pressure, just the knowledge that with such a good start to life they could achieve whatever dreams and aspirations they had.

So what does the future hold for her now?
Who knows.

A far cry from the safe and sheltered environment she was used to.

It's never too late to turn back the clock

quote

2008-01-13T22:11:00.000Z

Kahlil Gibran - "Life without liberty is like a body without spirit."

January weekends

2008-01-12T19:55:00.000Z

So much happens in a year,many things change,time never stands still,perhaps that's a good thing sometimes,we all wish at some point in our lives that we could turn back time.

When I look back to this time last year our nightmare was just beginning,I remember attending parents evening,telling some of the teachers that I was concerned about my daughter's relationship with a man.They reassured me that her schoolwork wasn't affected so not to worry,she was doing so well,on target to have such a promissing future,her whole life ahead of her.
Of course events were to move on very quickly from then,becoming out of control so soon it took everyone by surprise.

We used to walk around car boot sales,looking for bargains,this time last year we went to one such sale,our daughter had been shopping the day before and had returned very happy with a bag full of gifts from a boy she had told us she knew from school.While we were out that day she received a disturbing phone call,from the man ,he was threatening to kill himself because he said that she didn't love him.

In hindsight it would have been better if he had gone through with it,of course we now know that this was just one of his many silly games.
This saga of shopping and then suicide threats was to happen a further 3 weekends running,our diary from last year shows our total dispair.We consulted parentline,the police,the samaritans and social services but no-one seemed to understand sexual grooming.
The only good thing was that she was still attending school,bringing some sort of normailty to everyone's lives,especially hers.

So what about this year,a very different situation.
There are now 3 of us living at home,we don't do car boot sales anymore,in fact every aspect of our lives has changed.
I guess the only thing that remains the same is our son,he has regained his wicked sense of humour that was missing for so long last year.
He has changed so much,grown up into a fantastic young man,I'm so immensly proud of him.
We are now very aware of the dark side of life in this country,something that we were totally unaware of this time last year.
I have spent some time on the phone today,helping out another family,being a shoulder to cry on,a listening ear,someone to sound off at.
You see our case is far from unique,this sort of thing is happening on a daily basis to families all over the country.It doesn't matter what background you come from,where abouts in the country you live,or how you have brought your children up.These men are total scum,they get a kick out of ruining other people's lives,for their own personal gain.

The garden

2008-01-08T07:35:00.000Z

The garden looks bare and forelorn,not just the time of year,it's lost it's sparkle.
I have so many memories of you growing up,since we moved here when you were 3 yrs old.

You used to play on the swing and slide,push your dolls up the garden path in the pram,bounce forever on the trampoline.How many paddling pools did you and your brother wear out? You used to make a den around them so that the old man next door couldn't see you in your swimming costume.

But of course there were some special friends out there too,
Spotty,Mrs Hoppy,Furyboo,Splodge,Sixpence,Flopsy,Flip-flop,Silky,Smokie and not forgetting George the Tortoise.
The rabbits were so special to you,you loved them with all your heart,seeing to their every need.You even used to walk them around the garden with collar and leads,just like little puppies.
Flip-flop terrified everyone except you,she used to attack anyone who went in the garden,but with you she would be as calm as anything.

There are a few things that upset me about the garden now,the Oak trees neglected in their pots,the Korean fir,of all the years to finally produce purple fir cones it has to be when you have gone.
But most of all the trampoline,it now sits silently,no more squeaking springs,no more giggly teenage girls,no more chat about boys,make-up,Harry Potter and such like.

The garden grew with you and matured, just as you matured into a beautiful young woman,
but the garden wasn't ready to say goodbye,like your family and friends it misses you and needs you back.

From little bro with love

2008-01-07T21:46:00.000Z

I'm writing this *****,
Without hope or agenda,
Knowing fully well,
It's no relationship mender,

Just to remind you,
There are people who care,
They care about you,
And your welfare.

That sounds like a line,
From a social worker's mouth,
Those up here,
And those in the south.

They put us in meetings,
With conclusions to make,
Most used word : Optimistic,
But our smiles are fake.

Of course you still don't believe,
That we are at all bothered,
About where you are now,
And by who you're being slobbered.

Those who pay attention,
Will already know,
The answer to the latter,
Has become our foe.

He knows what you want,
Or so you think,
Little do you know,
His brain is on the blink.

You know damn well,
That the accusations made,
Are ludicrous lies,
And the blame is ricocheted.

The sweet young girl,
That we know and love,
Would never do this,
She would give him a shove.

You had a great education,
Better than most,
And handfuls of friends,
But you weren't one to boast.

Birthday greetings

2008-01-05T16:32:00.000Z

In the run up to my daughter's 16th birthday her schoolfriends made a photo/scrap book with messages and photos,they gave it to me for safekeeping.
I haven't been able to pass this on to my daughter yet and am not sure if I ever will,so I'm going to post a few extracts here,in the hope that one day she will see them.

The book is full of photos,some of which we had never seen,natural,happy shots taken with mobile phones.These pics mean so much to me,the natural image of my happy daughter,before her life was torn appart .

__________________________________________________________________
To *****
Remember the good times?
French,icing,friends,hangouts and Mk trips?
We miss you
We love you
Happy 16th Birthday!=D
Love T

__________________________________________________________________
Happy 16th
Just wish we were there to share this birthday with you:)
-just knowing you are safe would make us happy
Meet up again someday?
That'd be great
Hope to see you safe and well,
E x

__________________________________________________________________
To *****
Happy 16th Birthday !:)

I hope you have a great day bbe and I'll be thinking of you:)
It would be great if you could get in contact with one of us just so we know you're safe and as happy as you deserve to be

I love you so much *****
never forget that

Lots of love L xxxxx

__________________________________________________________________
*****
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I hope you have a wonderful day,wherever you are.
We still miss you loads,and it would put our hearts at ease if we could know you are OK,
but as long as you are happy it doesn't matter:)
You're missed loads,so I hope we get a chance to gather up in a big group and chat some day,
Love C xxxx

__________________________________________________________________
Dear *****
Love you so much and I miss you loads.I hope you come back so we can celebrate your birthday together with trampoline fun and going crazy in the shed!
We had so much fun that day-I'll never forget it.
I think about you all the time and I can't wait to see you again,
Lots & lots of love
K

__________________________________________________________________
Dear *****

I miss you more than anything and I know that when you get back you"ll look through this album and remember the good times.
I love you so much,
counting the days until you come home
xxx A xxx

__________________________________________________________________
Hi *****:)

I'm sitting here in your garden a few days before your birthday and it doesn't feel right.
I wish you were here babes=C
Happy 16th birthday!
I love you so much and I really hope you'll be back as soon as you can.
We all miss you so much =C
Love T xxx

__________________________________________________________________
Grief and worry eats into my soul.
wish you were here,I couldn't wish more x x x

Happy 16th birthday *****

I miss you :(
Remember last year? lol
Bing back the good times

__________________________________________________________________
We all miss you so much *****
Geography isn't the same when you are not next to me.
I hope you are safe and well,I really hope you are happy too
Love you so much
S x x x

__________________________________________________________________
Hey *****
I guess I didn't know you that well and I wish I'd gotten to know you better.
I didn't have any lessons with you and I wasn't in your form,but I know the
impact you made on us all when you left,
Wherever you are,I hope you are safe,
J x x x

__________________________________________________________________
To *****
I hope that you have a great 16th birthday wherever you are,and that you are safe.
I'll be thinking of you all day.
This photo album is so nice,it will remind you of all the great times we've had together,and hopefully when you come backwe'll be able to have some more.
I always took for granted that you'd be at school,but now that you're not I realise just how much of a friend you are to me
Hope to see you soon
H x x x x

__________________________________________________________________

You see,whatever he has told you,your friends and family still love you babes

My husbands story

2008-01-04T22:43:00.001Z

2007
2007 started as usual with the annual new year party, all was well, we all had a good time, not knowing that this would be a very rare happy moment in the year.
Our daughters mood was to change very quickly, she was in contact with a man on the internet, who seemed to have control over her, who could get her to do things when he asked, say things that she would never have said before, to become the complete opposite of the kind & caring daughter she had been before.
She no longer listened to what we said, only to this man, & became distant from her school friends, who had been threatened by the same man, as was to become apparent when the police came to visit in early February, the first of many visits to come. On the same day she dissappeared from home for the 1st time, & we started the all to regular process of reporting her missing.
Over the next 12 weeks we would report her missing another 5 times, & spend hours talking with police & social services discussing what to do next & how to go forward.
When she finally dissapeared in early April having made allegations at the request of this man, our 6 month nationwide appeal for information on her whereabouts was about to begin.
The police were fantastic, going out of their way to help us, & try to locate our daughter. Six months passed with no news, no confirmed sightings. We raised over €6000 for Missing People, with the aid of her school friends, who just wanted her home where she should be. She made countless radio appeals, did live tv & gave interviews to the national press.
We have been to places, & seen & done things that I never thought we would have to do.
During this time a man was arrested & charged with sexual grooming, but the crown prosecution service kept knocking the police back, saying that there was a lack of evidence.
I still don"t know how much more evidence they need. We all thought we had enough, including the police.
At the begining of october she contacted the police, but as she was now 16, they were powerless to do anything, & she now lives with the man she met on the internet.
We have since had to endure abusive messages on the internet, with little idea of how to stop it legally.
Throughout all of this we have had to relly heavily on friends & family for support, without whom we not have managed to carry on. Also our 14 yr old son has had to grow up very fast, his life has changed so much, a large part of it has been ripped away, he hasn't just lost a sister, he's lost his best friend.
I don't uderstand how my daughter can say & do the things that she has done. She has watched & heard us make the appeals & said nothing, just left us wondering if she is still alive.
I thought that we had raised her to be better than that, perhaps not. I just hope she thinks it is all worth it.
A year that shows I have failed to protect not only my daughter from un-desirable people, but also my wife & son from all of the hurt & up-heaval that they have had to go through.
Someone said one day that it must be tempting to go down the motorway & sort the problem myself, & perhaps I should, but I know I can't do perhaps I fail there to. These are things that I will have to live with this feeling of complete failure, but I try not to dwell on it to much because it all reduces me to tears.

The wasps

2008-01-04T11:28:00.001Z

When families have problems there are a group of people who get involved,these people in my opinion have no use in society,they are now referred to in our family as the wasps.

My God this year has been a real eye opener,In my naive mind I really thought that the wasps would be there to help us in our hour of need,how wrong could I have possibly been?

I must admit that I have not had many dealings with them before and some people may think I'm tarring them with the same brush,so for those good ones out there I'm sorry but this is written from my experience.

My experience has been BAD in fact VERY BAD

Back in early Feb we alerted the wasps to the fact that our daughter was being groomed by an older man,we were told,

You are the parents...deal with it! It's your duty of care!

When they agreed that she had been sexually exploited,they said,

Supply her with condoms,it's your duty as parents!

When they came to assess our family situation it took 7 weeks for them to send out the report to us,by which time it was all completely irrelevant.

When they agreed that the relationship with her **** was totally wrong they said,

Invite him round for a meal,get to know him!

When she had been missing for months she said,

Leave her on the streets age 15 and you are responsible for what happens,but,
let the police keep looking for her and she will commit suicide!

When they admitted she wasn't safe with him they said,

Sign her custody over to him!

At strategy meetings to discuss OUR DAUGHTER and her safety they said,

Poor ****,he must be under so much mental strain!

WELL JUST FOR A MINUTE THINK ABOUT US,DON'T YOU THINK WE ARE UNDER B****Y STRAIN?

OH NO I FORGOT WE ARE JUST THE PARENTS,IT DOESN'T MATTER ABOUT US DOES IT!

Well thanks a lot guys,you have been no help what so ever.In fact I don't know why you get paid so much money,what exactly do you do?

Missing You

2008-01-04T11:21:00.000Z

What I miss

Girl 2 girl chats
Frilly girlie bits in the laundry
Your love and compassion
You tuting on the flute
Your smile
Sharing pringles & dip while watching Eastenders
The way you could never see the bad in anyone
Your love of animals
The way you used to write me notes

In fact this list is stupid,
The truth is I miss every single thing about you
I love you so much there are days when I don't feel I can go on without you,
People tell me to forget about you and move on,
I will never be able to do that,no mum can forget 16 years of love

Baby I love you so much,please come home

Letters from my daughter's best friend

2008-01-01T12:57:00.000Z

Letter 1
..............
22nd September 2007
To *****,
Happy 16th!! It seems hard to believe that another year has passed already, and I can look back at all the great times that we’ve had together, yet also think about all the things that we haven’t done together, and things that I wish I’d said to you. I wish that I had told you that I didn’t think it was good idea for you to go and meet *****. I sometimes wonder if you would still be here today celebrating your birthday and having a great time if I had done so. More than anything I would have liked to have given you your present, brought in a cake, and also a balloon for you and let the whole class sing happy birthday to you. This is certainly different to how I wanted you to be able to celebrate your 16th. I miss you so much. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about you, wonder if you’re ok. I hope that one day you’ll be able to read this letter and realise how much I care for you. You’re one of my best friends and I don’t know what I’d do without you. I haven’t really been able to cope. **** and ***** have been breaking down in tears, but I know that no-one can care for you like I do. Everyone thinks I’m coping fine, but I’m not. I just want to curl up in a corner and wait for you to come home. I hope every day that your mum will phone saying that you’ve been found. Even after all this time I can’t believe that you’ve gone, despite all of the coverage on the news and your absence at school. I want to come and visit you after school as though your ill, but deep down I know your not and that I can’t see you. I just want to hear your voice.
Goodnight for now,
******
xxxxxx

........................................................................................................................................................................

Letter 2
..............
23rd September 2007
To *****,
I wasn’t expecting to write you another letter so soon, but I’ve just found out about some things that ***** has been saying and it’s made me so angry. I want you to see how much he lies, and how he can’t possibly be all that you think he is because of this. You’ve gone missing because of him. He’s torn you away from your friends and family, and no matter what he says, we all care deeply for you otherwise we wouldn’t be advertising your disappearance, appealing for information on your whereabouts. Your mum and dad are also deeply worried about you. You might think that they’re putting on an act, but I can tell that it’s all real. I don’t think that you’ll even have seen the press coverage that you’ve had because of them. I just hope that when you come back you’ll realise how much you’ve been missed and that everyone will be able to move past this and just be glad that you’re back. Don’t forget how much we all care about you.
******
xxxxxx

........................................................................................................................................................................

Letter 3
..............
30th September 2007
To *****,
I wonder how you are today. Recently I’ve been dreaming about you a lot. Most of the time I walk into our form room and you’re just sitting there, like you were never even gone. It’s really strange, because everyone else in our class is sitting there as well like nothing happened, and I think was it all a dream. But then I wake up and realise that what I just saw was a dream and that in reality you’re still missing. I dream about you when I’ve been thinking about you during the day, which at the moment is quite often. I wonder if you’ll come back for Christmas or if I’ll have heard from you before then. I’d like to think so but inside the hope is dying away. Yesterday was the autumn fair and there was a stall for missing persons, and there was a huge poster of you. Almost anywhere that I looked people were wearing yellow ribbons and showing their support. I know that it must have meant a lot to your parents. Also on Friday its non-uniform jeans 4 genes day (not sure which way round it goes lol), and half the money raised is going to go to missing persons charity. Everyone cares about you so much and just wants you home.
Thinking of you
******
xxxxxx

.........................................................................................................................................................................

Letter 4
..............

1st January 2008
To *****,
Well it is now 2008. Happy New Year! I hope that you’re safe and that you had a good Christmas. I know that you have made contact but there is little comfort in knowing that you are living in Bristol with *****. That doesn’t qualify that you are safe in my mind.
It seems strange to think that this time last year we had been meeting up and showing each other what we got for Christmas. I remember you showing me a purple magnet necklace that you got from your parents amongst other gifts. You were so happy, although you and ***** started to "date" on Boxing Day of last year. I remember you talking to me about *****, saying how you thought he was in love with you. Then you got messages from him saying that this was how he felt and that he just wanted to be with you. I don’t think you actually wanted to date him, I think you just didn’t want to say no and make him depressed again and make his illness worse. You told me that you said yes on Boxing Day when you were drunk and that you were really regretting it. A couple of days later you were asking me for advice on how to tell him that you didn’t want to go out with him. He had immediately started sending you his declarations of love and it really freaked you out. So why did you agree to go and meet him? Deep inside you knew it wasn’t right to go and meet him alone. At one point you even asked me to go with you. Me and **** talked together about the situation and agreed to tell you that we didn’t want you to go and meet him, but you were annoyed because we had gone to the cinema without you. We explained that we had both tried to contact you the night before to find out if you coming but neither of us could get through to you. I think that must have been the first time that ***** threatened to commit suicide. That was the first time that Kate and I noticed a change in you. You weren’t the same from that point on, and I miss the old you so much. Our first and apparently last sleepover was spent mostly with you on the phone to *****.
Yesterday I was sat with my family and neighbours celebrating New Year. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I was wondering what you were doing at that point. I fear that you’ve gotten involved with drugs or that you’re pregnant or something. In that way I dread hearing from your mum. I hope that this year you will see how this experience has set you back. You have left school without any qualifications and for what? The love of your life? The love of your life wouldn’t have done this to you or your family. I hope that one day I will see you again, but every day I doubt that more and more. The last time that I saw you it seemed as though you were breaking free from *****’s grasp. He told you to make me leave. He gave us half an hour. But you wouldn’t let me leave until I was ready, even when he phoned to find out if I had gone. I hoped that that would be the point where you saw what he was really like and that everyone would get through this, but then you left again. You were missing for 6 months. The first time that I spoke to you after you had made contact it sounded like you would soon be coming home. You told me that you had seen the press appeals asking for any information on your whereabouts. Yet you still remained hidden. I don’t know what to think anymore. I just hope that one day you’ll see sense and realise what a huge mistake you’ve made. I can only hope that this will happen, and if it does, all of your family and friends will still be standing by you. That is how much we care.
******
xxxxxx

Message to my daughter

2007-12-31T13:31:00.000Z

Well here we are on the very last day of 2007, and what a year it's been, this time last year you were here at home with us. Do you remember preparing for the New Years Eve party, all the usual friends coming round, you sent a message to a friend saying that I was being all maternal wanting you to tidy your room. I kept a hard copy of that message, in fact you would be amazed of what I've kept, daft things to remind me of what a kind, loving and caring girl you were.

So much has changed this year, you always used to say we were a boring family, that's hardly true now. Perhaps one day you will get to read the diary we have kept, along with this blog it will be an indepth insight into what has happened to the three of us while you've been gone.

Of course we may never know what happened to you, at least we know now that you are alive, six months of not knowing was unbearable. We have been told that the "boyfriend" introduced you to drugs back in February, and that is how he controlled you, of course we are not the ones close enough to see the truth, but it would explain a lot.

For the three of us 2008 brings us a fresh start and with it hope that we can be left to live our lives in peace, without the false accusations that have marred this year. I often wonder just how much you know about what HE has done, can you really be standing by him while he puts us through so much. The girl that we all know and love would never get involved in any of that, but then that you aren't that person anymore are you.

The daughter that I know and love was stolen from us, the independant teenager doing so well at a very good school, with a close group of friends. The girl whose friends stood by her while the "boyfriend" was threatening them in the worst possible way.

Your brother has changed so much, gone is the develish cute kid you remember,now he is mature beyond his years, he has had to grow up so fast.Like Dad and I he has learned to cope with the press, even appearing on live Tv appeals, did you see any of them? Were you affected by them at all?

Of course your schoolfriends have now sat their mock GCSE's, such a shame you will miss out on the opportunity to have any qualifications. You were doing so well at school, why if the "boyfriend" loved you so much did he take you away from that?

Despite what has happened this year we will always love you,that love can't be broken, in fact the more the "boyfriend" causes trouble the more people realise the truth.
He has tied himself up in knots with the constant lies, forgotten what he has said and contradicted himself so many times it would be funny if it wasn't so serious.

Well babes, hope you have a happy and safe 2008, please remember we are always here for you,
Mum x x x

Threats and accusations

2007-12-30T15:34:00.000Z

I have never been a naive person but I have to admit a lot of what has happened this year has shocked me,of course I was aware of cyberbullying and false accusations,but this is just ridiculous!

Back in February2007 the local police wanted to speak to our daughter due to her "boyfriend" making threats to her schoolfriend,not just any old threats,some really nasty stuff,he even accused her of dealing in drugs and reported it to the police.I must admit I had forgotten about that part until a friend reminded me today.
Of course the police weren't able to speak to our daughter as she had gone walkabouts,the first of many disappearing acts this year.
Looking back at what has happened since is like reading some far fetched novel,in fact if we hadn't recorded every detail in our now mammoth diary there is no way I would remember it all.The "boyfriend" had also threatened another friend,on a bebo site,I would post it here but to be honest,I don't want to see it again,it is vile!!
Between February and April the "boyfriend" made several phone calls to the police, in fact one weekend he made a bloody nuicance of himself, phoning up several times an hour on 999 calls.
He accused us of harming our daughter, each time the police came round she was happily in her room, totally unaware as we were that any assault had taken place.
I was disturbed to say the least by his behaviour but was told by the authorities that he had mental health problems and he didn't understand what he was doing, mmmmmm believe that if you wish!!
In March our daughter reported to a Doctor in Bristol with obvious self harm injuries, the doctor was told that our daughter was the victim of child abuse by an abussive alcoholic mother!!!!
When the doctor was later interviewed about this report they stated that they didn't believe a word of it but had to write what they were told!!
That is something that to this day I will never understand, what happened to ethics,truth and justice!

The police obviously investigated this, and as I clearly had nothing to hide as I had done nothing wrong, I was more than willing to discuss anything with the police and answer any questions they had.
To this day we still have a good relationship with the police, we have always been upfront and truthful with them, any innocent person will, as we did happily answer any questions they may have.

The officers who interviewed our daughter have made it clear that they didn't believe a word,they were in no doubt that she was being totally controlled by the "boyfriend".
What they read in that letter was clearly rubbish,the injuries were consistent with self harm.

Since October someone with a Bristol IP address has been leaving messages all over the internet to say that I am a serial child abuser,some are almost funny they are so ridiculous.I admit that I have found some very hurtful,as a loving and caring mum who had always had a strong relationship with her daughter anyone would be upset by them.

I read this week that I have been the subject of an NSPCC investigation.....really?
Funny but I think I might have been aware of it!!

This same person has also threatened dozens of people who I have never even met, people who kindly showed our daughters details on internet sites during the 6 long months that she was missing.Many of these people have forwarded me details of e.mails that they had received, most are from a lady called *** who coincidentally has the same e.mail address as the "boyfriend"
The same e.mail address that was used in letters to the press complaints authority and the same e.mail address that was used by the person who set up a bebo account over a year ago designed to target young vulnerable young girls, telling them that they were very sexy!!!

I have given copies of the threats to the police and to a journalist,our diary is ongoing,this story is far from over.We haven't seen our daughter since April,who knows if we ever will? She is the victim of a crime and one day we hope that she will be free to tell the world about the dangers of sexual grooming,but first she nees to break free from the clutches of the "boyfriend".

blog comment from a schoolfriend

2007-12-30T15:09:00.000Z

This message was posted on the mirror forum by a schoolfriend of my daughter,I have deleted any names to respect privacy,but I feel it is important that people understand just how many are affected by this situation.It's not immediate family,close friends but hundreds of other people.

.......................................................................................................................................................................
People on this website have been so kind and lovely, discussing ****** disapearance and offering words of support.

However, they don't know really the whole story do they? Who does? I don't! This feels like something out of a story book, or something you'd see on the news. Like on a story I read today that someone who spoke to ***** wrote, 'it's not meant to happen to you, just other people!' Not saying that its meant to happen to others, but it just doesn't feel right. When I see *****'s posters in shop windows it doesn't feel like my friend. When i lie awake at night and think again and agian and again what has happened, how could it have happened.... what is the meaning of everything.... it doesn't seem real.
It still hasn't hit me yet, I don't think. Sometimes when i cry because of something stupid, i think about ***** and maybe that's why I'm so upset. Somehow, I don't think so, though. Somehow this isn't the end.
I went to Devon the other day and stopped at a service station, and the same one on the way back. It was just outside Bristol. I knew ***** wouldn't be there, but i couldn't help looking for her. I've invisaged a thousand times what would happen if I found her, if I saw her. Many possibilities. However, I know deep down that I probably will never see her and be the one to let her family know she's safe, no matter how much I want to. I looked around that service station for ages, feeling (i know this sounds stupid.... closer to her. I do belive she's in Bristol, or near it. I could see Bristol (or the outskirts of it) from Devon, the coast. Wales, Cardiff, all along there and I just didn't want to be there anymore. I couldn't help thinking - what if ***** is just across the water?
I know it again, sounds stupid, but when Im older I'm going to go and visit there. I know i wasn't *****'s best friend, I know I wasn't anywhere near as close to her as her brother and other friends, but thats not the point. Whenever I go on the websites, read the posts and reply to the comments, I want to do more. I set up this site, but it's not enough. I want everyone in England to know about *****, and it can't just be me that feels the same way. Her family are desperate to get her back, and i feel a grest sense of reassureance when i think about fundraising or ask people to do this, that, or put up a poster. How selfish does that sound? Very.
***** was, just a friend. The one i got told off for turning to talk to in English, the one who hid her phone with her hair as she texted people - every time. The one who i used to eat icing with in ICS, and the one who ++++++ and I left her chair empty for weeks after her dissapearance, in hope, and respect that she'd be sitting with us again soon.
Theres more I want to say, but i think i've written enough, and i dont think i can write anymore.
Sorry if i've offended anyone in writing this, i don't see how i can have, but i still feel bad for writing this down.
We miss you ***** X

CROP Conference November 2007

2007-12-30T08:05:00.000Z

I was very proud to be invited to make a speech at the national conference on sexual exploitation in Leeds this year,the conference was organised by CROP who are a support group for families affected by sexual grooming.

It was reassuring to know that we are not the only family affected by this nightmare situation,however some of the stories we heard were truly harrowing.There were approx 100 people at the conference,mostly from support groups,the guest speakers included ;
Nimesh Jani -Senior advisor to the Attorney General and Solicitor General,
Sven Gunnar Liden - the Swedish experience,
Peter Clark - Department for children,schools,
Ann Lucas - UK Human Trafficking centre

As a parent fairly new to this whole situation I felt like a fish out of water,I should be getting used to it by now,after all this whole year has been a steep learning curve and far from my comfort zone.

I have to admit the conference left me feeling that the authorities are either unaware of the seriousness of the situation or that they just don't care because it hasn't happened to them.
what would happen if one of the politician's children went through a similar situation?I'm sure the law would be changed overnight,there is no way they would be feeling the way that we all do.The laws of this country need to be changed,children have to be protected from this vile crime and criminals have to be punished for their crimes.

When I was asked to make my speech,I was told to talk about my experience,I wasn't sure what to write,how could I possibly condense 8 months into 6 minutes?
Another mum stood up and spoke about her story first,it left me feeling a bit concerned that what I had written wasn't what they wanted but in fact we had complimented each other with our different styles of writing.

The feedback from the conference was apparently very good,many people had commented that hearing directly from parents had made the whole problem seem much more real,for those of you who have asked to see my speech,here it is....

........................................................................................................................................................................
I'm not quite sure what makes me qualified to stand here today,I'm not in any way experienced at public speaking,Up until early this year I had never even heard of CROP,I new nothing of sexual exploitation,or the consequences of it,To be perfectly honest I wish I still didn't.
Some of you may recognise me from TV appeals or press reports,I really wish you didn't,I wanted to carry on my life as a no-body,I wanted to live with my husband and children around me,My quiet,dull life,in a sleepy market town,where nothing much happens.
Earlier this year our family was thrown into complete turmoil,Our lives turned upside down,We have been left in an impossible situation,Experienced emotions that we didn't know existed,And visited the darkest of places in our minds,
I often ask why has this happened to US?Why not someone else?Surely it happens to OTHER people,Not our family,we're just normal,Or at least we used to be,
We sat with friends last New Years Eve,Just chatting and having a laugh,I clearly remember us all saying that we couldn't name a local bobby,We'd never had any dealings with the police,Lets face it we never needed to,
By February this year that was to change,Our 15 year old daughter disappeared after getting involved with an older man,We didn't approve,the circumstances weren't right,It wasn't a NORMAL relationship,Something felt VERY wrong but we couldn't pinpoint what at first.
Why would he shower her with gifts,and then threaten to kill himself,Why should he keep supplying her with secret mobile phones,What could he achieve by threatening her friends,Did he get a kick out of playing mind games?He certainly enjoyed the attention of the police.
I'm sure she thought we just didn't like him,But even now we have still never met him,He phoned 999 on a regular basis,reporting us for everything,Bullying,harrasment,assault,and even child abuse....you name it, he said it,He also made complaints against dozens of police officers.
Since that fateful day we have learnt so much,Sat in meetings with senior police officers,Amassed a huge amount of information,evidence and such like,We have stepped into a different world,It started a never ending roller coaster ride of emotions.
Some of what we have learnt has scared us to death,some things have left us plain angry,:) Each time something bad happens,CROP are there to reassure us,They keep telling us it's normal,Whatever normal is in our lives these days,
It's normal to have your lives turned upside down,Normal to be on first name terms with senior police officers,Normal to sit in meetings at silver command suite,Normal to go on live TV,pleading for information,Normal to be accused of the most horrendous crimes
We've been really lucky in some respects,The police officers handling our case have been great,They have showed both compassion and professionalism,They have strived to get a conviction,Despite the red tape restricting them,
Sadly the reality is that criminals are protected in today's society,they are getting away with the most horrendous crimes,Children are at risk of sexual exploitation,And as parents......we don't have rightsAnd if you think we do then you are sadly mistaken,
What makes it right for these people to get away with their crimes?How do they slip through the net,time and time again?Who is responsible for children over the age of 15?Is it still the parents........only if the law suits!Ask any police officer and they will tell you..it's a grey area!
Ask social services if you dare,As a parent you can be prosecuted if your child doesn't attend school,Even if you don't know where they are,Don't ask them any tricky questions though,You could be waiting a very long time for the answer,
I've spent many a sleepless night this year searching the great internet,I could go online now and find men searching for vulnerable girls,Chatting them up on web sites,arranging to meet up,for friendship or more!During my searches I found one such girl who had been in a similar situation,Her story scared me to death,the man concerned was VERY familiar to us.
The police officer in charge of our case worked tirelessly for a conviction,he accumulated mountains of evidence,a man was issued with child abduction papers,he was later arrested on sexual grooming charges,Sadly each time the case was submitted,the cps turned it down,due to lack of hard evidence.
I still love my daughter dearly,although we haven't seen her for nearly 8 monthsI love the caring,gentle girl she once was,The kind and compassionate girl I was so proud of,Will I ever see my daughter again? Who knows?perhaps one day she will be free to think for herself again.
It may be too late to save our family,But it's not too late to help others,It's time to get the laws changed,IT'S TIME TO START PROTECTING CHILDRENTIME TO PROSECUTE THE CRIMINALS
TAKE ACTION NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE
THANK YOU

Just what is sexual grooming

2007-12-30T07:19:00.000Z

[From Wikipedia]
The deliberate actions taken by an adult to form a trusting relationship with a child, with the intent of later having sexual contact is known as child grooming. The act of grooming a child sexually may include activities that are legal in and of themselves, but later lead to sexual contact. Typically, this is done to gain the child's trust as well as the trust of those responsible for the child's wellbeing. Furthermore, research has shown children are less likely to report a crime if it involves someone that he or she knows, trusts, and cares about. Additionally, a trusting relationship with the family means the child's parents will be less likely to believe any potential accusations.

Examples of grooming activities
Taking an undue interest in someone's child (having a "special" friend)
Giving gifts or money to the child for no apparent reason
Taking the child on outings, away from protective adults
Talking about sexual topics that are not age-appropriate
Invading the child's privacy (e.g. walking in on him/her in the bathroom)
Hugging, kissing, or other physical contact even when the child does not want this attention
Allowing the child to get away with inappropriate behavior
Talking to the child about problems that would normally be discussed with adults (e.g. marital problems)

Child grooming over the Internet
Child sex abusers find the internet an easier place to take part in a variety of child sexual abuse activity including contact with children due to the anonymity of the medium. Some abusers will pose as children online and make arrangements to meet with them in person.

The three stages of grooming [from CROP]

Initial contact is often made in public places such as at school, in shopping malls, entertainment arcades, cinemas, bus or train stations, but may also be through the internet. Even if the initial contact is of her own age, the girl may be passed on to an older ‘friend’ who flatters her with gifts, attractive outings and extravagant promises. She is gradually inveigled into truanting from school, becoming secretive, returning home late and spending increasingly shorter times with her family as well as being introduced to alcohol and drugs.
In the second phase of grooming and exploitation, the friendly association turns into an exchange of favours. Sexual responses are sought as a means to pay back the money spent on cigarettes, drinks, drugs, lifts in cars and mobile phones. As exploitation increases so she is alienated from her family and other support systems such as friends and teachers. She may comply with the perpetrator’s demands out of fear for her own and her family’s safety.
In the third phase, the pimp completely controls the girl’s life. As far as possible he severs her relationships with her family and any other friends or support systems. Threats are made about her own and her family’s safety if she does not comply with the wishes of the pimp. It is very difficult for the girl to break out of this situation of control and dependence, especially as she may by then be addicted to drugs.

Warning signs[from CROP]

• Links with an older man (or occasionally woman) This is often one of the most common warning signs. Those who exploit and control young people often will target those who seem vulnerable or susceptible to grooming. Part of the grooming process will be offering them something exciting and ‘grown up'. Parents should be aware however that more recently a growing trend seems to be for young men the same age or slightly older than the girl concerned to ‘court' her first, before then introducing her to the older man. It is most unlikely that much information will be given freely about these men, and even less likely that you will get to meet them, even though your daughter may have been perfectly happy in the past to bring boyfriends and friends home. Parents should also be aware that in the first instance some pimps use other women/girls to groom their ‘target' for them.
• Mood changes – A lot of parents identify this by saying it is as if she has a split personality. This can manifest itself in many ways – being hyperactive, secretiveness, hostility and aggression, impatience, resentment, anxiousness, withdrawal (sometimes it is very difficult to distinguish this from ‘normal' teenage behaviour!) Young people can also begin to exhibit signs of mental illness, depression, can develop sleeping or eating disorders, and can also begin to self-harm. Typically an abuser will also attempt to isolate young people from their family and friends, so this is something else to be mindful of.
• Changes in appearance - she may often look ill and tired. This may be associated with beginning to take drugs, or struggling to come to terms with abuse. If you suspect that your child is taking drugs, make sure you get good information about drugs and drug use, which neither exaggerates the risks nor understates the dangers.
• Different language - your daughter may start to use street language and copy the way her new associates speak. It has been known for girls to be taught some knowledge of a new language. This can involve a new knowledge of sexual practices or drug taking. Your child may also start to talk about new friends outside her normal social circle, which may cause you concern
• New style of dress/hairstyle/make up - your daughter may start to dress inappropriately in revealing clothing often unsuitable for the weather outside or in the same mode of dress as others, e.g. track suits, large ear rings, hair tied back rather than the loose style you would normally see. She may even change the colour of her hair. She may start to wear a larger amount of make up than normal and experiment with this to make herself look older. This is difficult to distinguish from normal teenage experimentation, but repeated examples of this along with other changes in behaviour should give rise to concern. Similarly it is possible for some young people being abused to deliberately seek to make themselves unattractive by, for example, not washing or wearing loose baggy clothing.
• New possessions - such as jewellery and clothing which is being given to her. She may also have large amounts of money which she cannot account for
• Mobile phone – she may possess a new mobile given to her by a ‘friend'. Excessive use of this either via voice calls or text messaging should be closely monitored. * Be aware that many of the newer mobiles have the ability to take pictures and can also be linked to the internet. Educate yourself in the art of text messaging and become observant of the need for her to get out of the house immediately after or during a mobile phone call or text message. There may also be frequent, secretive calls to her mobile, which often precede her leaving the house.
• Staying out overnight - one of the biggest indicators that a young person might be involved in an exploitative relationship is if she begins to stay out overnight, especially if this is with an older man. Also an issue of concern is if the older man is taking your child to restaurants, wine bars or other adult venues. This is particularly appealing to teenagers and can be a key point in any grooming process. Be aware that drugs may have been used if your child cannot remember what happened whilst she was away from home.
• Truanting from school – this is again is a good example of the isolating process of grooming. Your child may frequently abscond from school and may be seen getting into a car outside the school premises. Interest in school, friends and schoolwork will wane. Staff at school may also begin to see a difference in her behaviour.
• Telling lies - your daughter may begin to tell lies about where she has been and whom she has been with. Your daughter may also become knowledgeable about certain aspects of the law, and may become inexplicably hostile to agencies such as the police and social services. Some young people have claimed to have been abused by parents and asked to be placed in social services accommodation. Residential units and foster carers often find it hard to prevent young people leaving premises to see their ‘boyfriends', so this may be the motivation behind the request, which will have been suggested by the abuser .
• Drug use - often drugs will be involved, probably starting with cannabis and sometimes moving onto harder drugs such as crack, amphetamines, ecstasy and heroin. Your child may not be aware that she has been given drugs. It is very easy to put cannabis in with tobacco to make a ‘roll up'. Educate yourself about drugs and know the signs of drug abuse. Look for physical evidence - spoons, silver foil, ‘tabs', ‘rocks', etc - secreted in bedrooms.
• A new name - pimps often give girls a new name to avoid detection if she is picked up on the street. You may come across evidence of this in your daughter's possession, e.g. false identification, a stolen passport or driving licence.
• Motor vehicles are now being used more frequently by pimps to pick up young people. Be observant about her talking of new friends with cars or being picked up from outside your house or down the street. Watch for links to her mobile, car horns and her going out. If possible try to keep a note of registration numbers, type and colour of car etc. if this should happen.
• Use of Internet – It is possible for a child to be groomed in the first instance over the internet. Set boundaries for the use of the internet in your house and regularly monitor chat rooms, instant messages, internet relay chat and your child's e-mail. Contact the police immediately if you find that your child has received child pornography, sexual explicit images or been sexually solicited by someone via the internet.

What you should do if you believe your child is a victim of grooming

• Go with your instincts – you have the life knowledge your child has yet to gain. Do not underestimate the seriousness and dangers and make sure all the professionals who are coming into contact with your child are aware of your concerns.
• Have rules about using the internet, especially about giving out personal information such as names, age and addresses and arranging meetings.
• Report to the police every time your child goes missing.
• Keep diaries and detailed notes of all incidents involving your child.
• Keep your child's birth certificate and passport locked away in a safe place.
• Always bear in mind that your child is a victim and may have been targeted by a ruthless, clever and manipulative criminal. He knows exactly what he is doing, and part of that will be to cause conflict between you and your child. At times it will be hard, but please ~
keep the ‘door open' to your child.

CROP is the working name of The Coalition for the Removal of Pimping, based in Leeds
Telephone numbers:
0113 240 3040
mobile : 079 6001 8884
further enquiries 0113 266 7214

CROP's postal address is :
34 York Road,
LEEDS
LS9 8TA
Email : info@cropuk.org.uk
Website : www.crop1.org.uk

Coventry

2007-12-29T17:56:00.001Z

I have never agreed with commiting suicide,it always seems so unfair on those left behind,a coward's way out,however this year I came very close to doing just that.

My daughter had been missing for nearly 6 months when serious crime squad became involved,we were told that whatever happened we wouldn't want to go down the route of worst case scenario.Perhaps the police and I have different views on what that would have been,they of course believed it to be finding a body,3 months on I have to admit that would have been an easier option to what we are facing now.
We suffered the worst 6 months ever imaginable,the emotional trauma was at times too much to bear,the highs and lows,the not knowing and of course the mind games being played by the 3rd party.When we were told that our daughter was alive and living with the man who had been arrested over her disppearance,we had mixed emotions,glad to know she was alive but shocked by the circumstances and frustrated by the unanswered questions.
What tipped me over the edge was the vendetta that started that day,the stream of false allegations about me,the allegations that are still appearing all over the internet even today.
The police were very good and issued a press release to say that there was no truth in them but as a mum the allegations hurt beyond belief.Not only had the man won,he had groomed our daughter and removed her from the family home,but now he was turning the knife,there seemed to be no way out.

In the early hours of one Thursday morning,as usual unable to sleep,I found his latest horror stories on the internet.It was all too much,I grabbed my bottle of sleeping pills and got in the car,I had no idea where I was going,just needed to escape from the horror of the situation.
I'm not sure where I went or what was going through my mind,my phone rang non stop,sometimes I answered sometimes I didn't.Most of the calls were from people who were calling to say how fantastic it was that our daughter had been found safe,of course that just made me feel worse,she may have been found but was ,and still is,in my mind far from safe.
One call was from the senior police officer who had been in charge of the case,he was really concerned and was trying to get me to go home,but I couldn't see a way forward,I needed an escape route.I found myself at the Memorial Park in Coventry,it was a nice sunny day and quite a tranquil place to gather my thoughts.I walked a few laps of the park and then went back to the car,I got as far as taking the lid off the pills and a bottle of water,but something told me to do one more lap.
That extra lap saved my life,as I walked along the path I was stopped by police officers,they had been alerted by our local police and had traced my car,apparently they knew it was me because I was walking so unusually slowly.
I was taken to a police station and guarded for about 5 hours until my husband came to collect me,at some point during that time I was allowed to speak to my daughter.
It was the 1st time I had spoken to her in 6 months and I wasn't in any fit state to deal with it,I wish now I hadn't made the call until my head was clearer.There are so many questions I wanted to ask her,so many things I wanted to say,it's too late now the opportunity has gone.
Much as it breaks my heart,I doubt I will ever see her again,the world that she now lives in is a far cry from the safe and happy environment that she was used to.

Babes,if by chance you ever get to read this,please remember;
Your family will always love you no matter what,the bond that we have will never be broken,not by him or anyone else.
I love you Babes,I may not like what has happened but I will always love you x x x

The world of bebo

2007-12-29T07:31:00.001Z

My children have always used bebo to chat to schoolfriends and neighbours,it all seemed so very innocent.2007 has opened my eyes to the more sinister world of cyberbullying and grooming which bebo doesn't seem to give care about.

When my daughter vanished early this year we started to trace what she had been doing on her pc,the police even tokk it away for analysis,confirming that she had been talking to an older man who was unknown to us.This man had been systematically threatening her schoolfriends,not what you would expect,really vile threats,so bad that one set of parents even went to the police and made a formal complaint about it.

I also discovered a bebo site that this person had set up which was clearly being used for grooming young girls,it was labelled as a depression site,giving advice and support.The only people that this person replied to were 12 -13 yr old girls,it made me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.

Now bebo is supposed to be self policing,they make that very well known when the press question their integrity,so I have tried out their wonderful 'report abuse' system.
You would expect that if you reported an offensive post that the people at bebo would take a look and remove it if necessary....oh no...don't be daft!!

I have made hard copies of dozens of abussive messages,threats and defamation of character pages,they will be used to push this problem into the public domain,although I'm not sure that bebo will like the free advertising!

Since 3rd October this year,one particular person has been using bebo as a voice box for some rather distasteful comments about me,he/she uses different user names but always the same IP address.Each time I have reported abuse to bebo,my account has been closed down and yet his has remained open,so it's seen as fine for this person to accuse me of crimes that the police deny ever happened,however for me to discuss Christmas shopping is abussive,forgive me if I'm confused!!!

missing people charity

2007-12-27T22:24:00.000Z

Between June and October of 2007 our family and friends launched a fundraising campaign for missing people charity.

Money came from donations,public collections,cake sale,car boot,selling ribbons,non-uniform day and of course press work.

We used the press to help us look for our daughter while she was missing,they generally pay families expenses for this sort of thing but we made an early decission not to take any money,hence all monies received were donated to the charity.

Ribbons & donations 200.00

Collection 495.00

Collection 1,206.00

Ribbons & donations 151.00

Corporate donation 500.00

Daily Mirror 200.00

Daily Mail 200.00

Car boot and donations 412.00

Raffle 1,250.00

Woman magazine 500.00

School fete 315.00

Cake sale 210.00

Collection pots &ribbons 74.00

School non-uni-day 638.00
_______
GRAND TOTAL 6,351.00
----------

This money has all been donated to the charity to be used for the recovery of all missing people.

The amount that we raised is enough to man the phone lines for the runaway helpline for a whole year,a huge achievement.

The charity produce posters,man confidential telephone lines ,follow up leads and arrange press coverage.Their help and support are invaluable to families all over the country.

Why I am writing this blog

2007-12-26T17:21:00.000Z

2007 has been a year of discovery for me.

I started the year as a happy married mum with 2 perfectly average teenage kids,pets running round the garden,dirty washing piled high,we were just the average family.
It's now the end of the year I don't know who I am or what I'm doing,my life is turned upside down,my daughter is gone,my confidence went with her.

I am writing this blog to warn other families of just what can go wrong and how we as a family naively thought that we would get help when we needed it.
We were unded the impression that the laws in this country protected innocent children and prosecuted criminals,how wrong could we be.