The month started with us living if fear for our daughter's life and ended up no better,so much happened that month I could write a whole book about it,perhaps I will one day but here's a brief summary:
My husband has his first direct contact with the BF on the phone,what an experience that was,the police officers are all bogus,he's had this sort of thing before,they are just acting,not real police officers...........is he a nutter????
A neighbour calls in to tell us about death threats from the BF,not a man easily unnerved,a prison officer used to dealing with his type,but he is obviously very concerned and has made a formal complaint to the Police.
The Police come round and tell S a few home truths about the BF,during their visit the BF is on the phone to one of the police officers and is obviously incredibly abusive towards him,the officer is heard to say....."don't you dare speak to me like that"
The everlasting phone call,all we can hear all day and night is the BF on speaker phone giving S orders,get a drink,have a shower,wash your hair,I tried to remove the phone but she has the most amazing strength,we assume that she must be on drugs.
Social services tell us that they can't help,we as parents must ride the storm,our social worker is not much more than a child herself.
After days of no sleep,we decide that the only way to break the control is to remove the phone,S becomes possessed and manages to pick me up and throw me accross the landing,the 2 friends in the house at the time are clearly in shock at what happened and one leaves in tears,shaking like a leaf.
S disappears and is found in Bristol in a motel room a few days later,my husband has to drive as far as Swindon (the halfway point ) to collect her,signing a piece of paper on the bonnet of a police car to reclaim our daughter in the middle of the night.
The frustration is getting too much,no-one will help us,we tell the SS that unless they help we will take her to county hall and leave her there,eventually we have a visit from the GP and the SS,not that it does much good,S goes out under the BF's instructions and once again disappears.
The BF is to be charged with sexual grooming and harrasment,child abduction papers are also issued.
S suddenly appears at 1am after a week away,she doesn't look as though she's washed since she left and doesn't smell fresh!! her behaviour is odd to say the least,so much so that we end up calling the paramedics to check her over.
Throughout all of this the support we get from SS is a joke,I naively thought they would help us.
S has a complete wobbler,so much so that we call the police to witness her behaviour,PC W arrives and she goes balistic,bashing her head against the wall and smashing her desk,she then tries to cut her arms with nails she has pulled out of her desk,PC W is a witness to the whole thing.
The police have a phone call from the BF's dad,saying that the BF is seriously ill in hospital after attempting suicide,S needs to be at his deathbed,we refuse to let her go and within a few hours the BF makes a remarkable recovery and is tucked up at home with his dad.
We attend a meeting at county hall where the SW tells us she has learnt some info about the BF's background,of course she won't tell us what!
S had a brief get together with her best friend,for a short time she seemed almost normal again although the BF was on the phone threatening her during their meeting.
S disappears again and is picked up by police later that day,she has attended a doctor in Bristol and has accused us of being child abusers.
The behaviour becomes more bizarre,sitting under her desk rocking backwards and forwards self harming,screaming about nothing,home life is now unbearable.
The out of hours team have received a fax from the BF stating that I had tried to kill S on 3 separate occasions and that S's life was in danger,he has also sent similar faxes to the school,even the SS admit he is a raving nutter!
I manage to get S to the doctor,who agrees that her injuries are consistent with self harm,the doc suggested that S should take contraception but was told that she was being sick in the head to consider that they were having sex.
The language from our once loving and polite daughter is now awful,anyone daring to go near her is told to F-off,or is labelled a F-ing paedophile.
S goes into school but vanishes during the day, to appear just before midnight the following day.
S goes out for the day and is stopped by police during a drugs raid at mk station!
During all this nightmare we try to keep life as normal as possible for our son and of course we need to go to work whenever we can but we both end up taking time off to handle the ongoing nightmare.
Sunday, 23 March 2008
Friday, 21 March 2008
Does anyone care?
When a child goes missing the effect on the family is traumatic to say the least,but the police stir into action to help locate them.
When your daughter is groomed it's a different ball game,yes while she is considered to be a missing child at risk the police do what they can to locate her but then what?
Back in October when our daughter was located at the home of the perpetrator the police as expected closed the missper case,various agencies were involved and we were told by police that social services would now step in to handle the situation.
Looking back to that fateful day I suppose I knew it was over,chances were I would never see her again,if I was relying on social care to save the day I might as well wait for pigs to start flying.The Social workers in Bristol still to this day have never met her,I don't believe they have any intention of getting involved,the last time she was seen by anyone in authority was during a truancy sweep back in November.I spoke to the person concerned who told me what happened that day and she was understandably concerned for my daughter's safety and wellbeing.
Since then ..nothing,is she still there,is she still being controlled by the man,is she safe,
No-one seems to know and apart from CROP no-one seems to care,I spend hours every week writing to people asking for someone to intervene you see it's not just our daughter,this is a national problem,hundreds of girls in the same situation.
This week will bring 2 TV programs of interest,The Bill is showing a story of a girl groomed on the internet I hope the guy doesn't get convicted.......I would hate for it to be that far-fetched!!!
On Thursday Panorama are hoping to show their program on sexual exploitation,including the experiences of staff at CROP and more importantly the true story of one girls rehabilitation after being lured into an exploitative relationship.
When your daughter is groomed it's a different ball game,yes while she is considered to be a missing child at risk the police do what they can to locate her but then what?
Back in October when our daughter was located at the home of the perpetrator the police as expected closed the missper case,various agencies were involved and we were told by police that social services would now step in to handle the situation.
Looking back to that fateful day I suppose I knew it was over,chances were I would never see her again,if I was relying on social care to save the day I might as well wait for pigs to start flying.The Social workers in Bristol still to this day have never met her,I don't believe they have any intention of getting involved,the last time she was seen by anyone in authority was during a truancy sweep back in November.I spoke to the person concerned who told me what happened that day and she was understandably concerned for my daughter's safety and wellbeing.
Since then ..nothing,is she still there,is she still being controlled by the man,is she safe,
No-one seems to know and apart from CROP no-one seems to care,I spend hours every week writing to people asking for someone to intervene you see it's not just our daughter,this is a national problem,hundreds of girls in the same situation.
This week will bring 2 TV programs of interest,The Bill is showing a story of a girl groomed on the internet I hope the guy doesn't get convicted.......I would hate for it to be that far-fetched!!!
On Thursday Panorama are hoping to show their program on sexual exploitation,including the experiences of staff at CROP and more importantly the true story of one girls rehabilitation after being lured into an exploitative relationship.
Saturday, 15 March 2008
What happened to GREAT Britain
The last year has really hammered home to me just what a mess this country is in,it is now normal for criminals to be protected.The innocent have no rights,despite millions of pounds being spent on strategies and policies to improve life in this country.
The safeguarding children framework is a classic example,it is designed to protect children up to the age of 18...what a joke!!
This is the official line from the home office..........
I am sorry to hear of your experience of not getting the help you obviously need concerning the safeguarding of your daughter. 'Working Together to Safeguard Children', the main inter-agency guidance to safeguarding and promoting the welfare of children, defines a child using the definition in the Children Acts 1989 and 2004, as anyone who has not yet reached their 18th birthday. The processes that the guidance sets out for safeguarding children therefore apply to all children up to the age of 18. The fact that a child has reached the age of 16 or is living independently does not change their status or entitlement to services or protection under the Children Act 1989.
So that's the official line but what of the reality?
We are told that as parents of a 16 year old we have no rights,but of course we can be prosecuted for her not attending school!!!
Social services drag their feet in cases like ours until the child is old enough for the case to be closed,but even then they won't hear the end of me!
Our daughter was groomed by a man with a chequered history,she was not the only girl who he had done this to.It is now nearly a year since we saw her and we have no idea if she is safe or not,social workers are a complete joke,I have written to them and told them that if anything happens to her they will have blood on their hands.
We are told to forget that we ever had a daughter and move on with our lives,could any mum ever forget 15 years of love?? I seriously doubt it!
We are told that she is safe despite the fact that not one social worker in Bristol has ever laid eyes on her,in fact the last time she was seen by anyone in authority was in mid November,but hey we shouldn't be worried...or so they tell us!
We are of course not the only family that this has happened to,there are hundreds of others out there going through the same nightmare as us,some girls are as young as 10 and in 99% of cases the social workers are not interested.So just who is supposed to be looking out for their welfare,should it be social workers,parents or charity workers?
I can safely say that if it wasn't for the help and support that we have had from CROP we wouldn't have survived the last year,but as a charity they are struggling to cope with the size of the problem.
The police officers that we have dealt with have been fantastic,don't get me wrong,but the law itself is useless unless it is used appropriately.
I would like to be able to say that social workers could do a good job if they had more funding but recent months have made it clear that it's unlikely.I have made complaints about the way our case has been handled and had those complaints been handled properly I would have been satisfied.No such luck!!! Our social worker has denied that conversations have taken place,despite police officers being present on many occassions,to be honest it has just put my back up even more.
We have now decided that this country is no longer for us,it's time to move.
Our son will finish his compulsary education then we are planning to leave for pastures new,not a decission we have taken lightly but in the circumstances we have lost all faith in what this country used to stand for.
The safeguarding children framework is a classic example,it is designed to protect children up to the age of 18...what a joke!!
This is the official line from the home office..........
I am sorry to hear of your experience of not getting the help you obviously need concerning the safeguarding of your daughter. 'Working Together to Safeguard Children', the main inter-agency guidance to safeguarding and promoting the welfare of children, defines a child using the definition in the Children Acts 1989 and 2004, as anyone who has not yet reached their 18th birthday. The processes that the guidance sets out for safeguarding children therefore apply to all children up to the age of 18. The fact that a child has reached the age of 16 or is living independently does not change their status or entitlement to services or protection under the Children Act 1989.
So that's the official line but what of the reality?
We are told that as parents of a 16 year old we have no rights,but of course we can be prosecuted for her not attending school!!!
Social services drag their feet in cases like ours until the child is old enough for the case to be closed,but even then they won't hear the end of me!
Our daughter was groomed by a man with a chequered history,she was not the only girl who he had done this to.It is now nearly a year since we saw her and we have no idea if she is safe or not,social workers are a complete joke,I have written to them and told them that if anything happens to her they will have blood on their hands.
We are told to forget that we ever had a daughter and move on with our lives,could any mum ever forget 15 years of love?? I seriously doubt it!
We are told that she is safe despite the fact that not one social worker in Bristol has ever laid eyes on her,in fact the last time she was seen by anyone in authority was in mid November,but hey we shouldn't be worried...or so they tell us!
We are of course not the only family that this has happened to,there are hundreds of others out there going through the same nightmare as us,some girls are as young as 10 and in 99% of cases the social workers are not interested.So just who is supposed to be looking out for their welfare,should it be social workers,parents or charity workers?
I can safely say that if it wasn't for the help and support that we have had from CROP we wouldn't have survived the last year,but as a charity they are struggling to cope with the size of the problem.
The police officers that we have dealt with have been fantastic,don't get me wrong,but the law itself is useless unless it is used appropriately.
I would like to be able to say that social workers could do a good job if they had more funding but recent months have made it clear that it's unlikely.I have made complaints about the way our case has been handled and had those complaints been handled properly I would have been satisfied.No such luck!!! Our social worker has denied that conversations have taken place,despite police officers being present on many occassions,to be honest it has just put my back up even more.
We have now decided that this country is no longer for us,it's time to move.
Our son will finish his compulsary education then we are planning to leave for pastures new,not a decission we have taken lightly but in the circumstances we have lost all faith in what this country used to stand for.
Saturday, 8 March 2008
Life goes on
Parts of me stand still at the time my daughter disappeared,trapped in the emotion of losing something so precious,always blaming myself for not preventing the man getting his claws into her.How did I let it happen? Why couldn't I stop it? Am I the only one who cares?
Of course life has to go on,we have to work,pay the bills and get on with everyday life,unlike the high profile missing Maddie case we are not in a position to rely on a huge fund and travel the world,the truth is I wouldn't even if I could,it's not my way.
We have as much as possible carried on with our lives,yes I admit we have both taken time off work,but days rather than months,mostly to attend meetings with the police etc,
Our son has only missed a few days at school,we need to keep to his routine as much as possible,he may be a teenager but even so normality is something of a coping mechanism.
Some life changes are planned for,moving house,special holidays,maybe even a new car,but of course losing a loved one is something no-one would consider planning for,financially or emotionally.We have never had much money,nothing changes there,but we've always got by.
If someone asked me how much is in the bank now I wouldn't have a clue,it's one of those things I really don't care about anymore,I've lost interest,some things don't matter,I could be a millionaire and it wouldn't matter.The garden is a mess and the house is dirty,I haven't baked many cakes since she went,it hurts too much to remember the daft days when we used to have flour fights in the kitchen.
When a child goes missing,it's a bit like a bereavement,you think nothing will be the same again,of course normal things creep back into your life,you don't notice at first then suddenly you reach a point where you have to accept the past and move on.
I found myself at our local casualty department this week,waiting for my son to be x-rayed,my kids have always been in scrapes,falling off bikes etc so nothing unusual,perhaps the only difference was that big sis wasn't there this time for morale support.
The fight for justice goes on,perhaps not in the forefront of our lives,I will never forgive the dreaded wasps for their failings,if anything ever happens to my daughter they will have blood on their hands.Like so many others before her,our daughter is forgotten by the authorities because she is now 16,left in an environment that was once alien to her,gone is the sweet naive girl we knew,now in a life of crime and grime.Always in the hearts and minds of family,never forgotten by friends,some still mention her on websites this week,GCSE's are upon them but they will never forget such a special friend.
We are in a better position than last year,we can now plan weeks ahead,last year days were impossible,in fact even planning hours ahead were a risk.
Our son will have a fantastic summer in the sun,surrounded by people who love him,as for our daughter,who knows what the future holds?
Part of me is scared for her,knowing what has happened and what the man is capable off,unsure of why the wasps protect him so much and at the same time the police treat him with such contempt.
Part of me hates what our daughter has done to us,standing by a man who can cause so much havoc in our lives,letting us think she was dead.
I have to remind myself that she is a victim of crime and hope that one day she will break free ,and realise what he really is.Victims of sexual exploitation can take years to accept what has been done to them,let's just hope that her loved ones are still here when the truth dawns on her.
Much changes and life does go on.
Of course life has to go on,we have to work,pay the bills and get on with everyday life,unlike the high profile missing Maddie case we are not in a position to rely on a huge fund and travel the world,the truth is I wouldn't even if I could,it's not my way.
We have as much as possible carried on with our lives,yes I admit we have both taken time off work,but days rather than months,mostly to attend meetings with the police etc,
Our son has only missed a few days at school,we need to keep to his routine as much as possible,he may be a teenager but even so normality is something of a coping mechanism.
Some life changes are planned for,moving house,special holidays,maybe even a new car,but of course losing a loved one is something no-one would consider planning for,financially or emotionally.We have never had much money,nothing changes there,but we've always got by.
If someone asked me how much is in the bank now I wouldn't have a clue,it's one of those things I really don't care about anymore,I've lost interest,some things don't matter,I could be a millionaire and it wouldn't matter.The garden is a mess and the house is dirty,I haven't baked many cakes since she went,it hurts too much to remember the daft days when we used to have flour fights in the kitchen.
When a child goes missing,it's a bit like a bereavement,you think nothing will be the same again,of course normal things creep back into your life,you don't notice at first then suddenly you reach a point where you have to accept the past and move on.
I found myself at our local casualty department this week,waiting for my son to be x-rayed,my kids have always been in scrapes,falling off bikes etc so nothing unusual,perhaps the only difference was that big sis wasn't there this time for morale support.
The fight for justice goes on,perhaps not in the forefront of our lives,I will never forgive the dreaded wasps for their failings,if anything ever happens to my daughter they will have blood on their hands.Like so many others before her,our daughter is forgotten by the authorities because she is now 16,left in an environment that was once alien to her,gone is the sweet naive girl we knew,now in a life of crime and grime.Always in the hearts and minds of family,never forgotten by friends,some still mention her on websites this week,GCSE's are upon them but they will never forget such a special friend.
We are in a better position than last year,we can now plan weeks ahead,last year days were impossible,in fact even planning hours ahead were a risk.
Our son will have a fantastic summer in the sun,surrounded by people who love him,as for our daughter,who knows what the future holds?
Part of me is scared for her,knowing what has happened and what the man is capable off,unsure of why the wasps protect him so much and at the same time the police treat him with such contempt.
Part of me hates what our daughter has done to us,standing by a man who can cause so much havoc in our lives,letting us think she was dead.
I have to remind myself that she is a victim of crime and hope that one day she will break free ,and realise what he really is.Victims of sexual exploitation can take years to accept what has been done to them,let's just hope that her loved ones are still here when the truth dawns on her.
Much changes and life does go on.
Sunday, 2 March 2008
Mothers Day
I remember the old days ,2006 and before,my daughter was always so loving especially on Mother's day.
I have a bundle of treasured memories,cards and keepsakes.Messages to say "I love you mum"
or "The best Mum in the world " .
I sit here today,thinking of Shannon Matthews and what her mum is going through,remembering back to last year when my daughter was missing,the pain and hurt that lives within you forever.What turned my kind and compassionate daughter into a complete stranger,what control did that man have over her?
Sitting on the kitchen unit today is a beautiful bouquet,from a loving daughter to her mum.
It is of course waiting to be collected by a neighbour,the florist didn't have a clue how symbolic it was to ask me to look after it.
I have a bundle of treasured memories,cards and keepsakes.Messages to say "I love you mum"
or "The best Mum in the world " .
I sit here today,thinking of Shannon Matthews and what her mum is going through,remembering back to last year when my daughter was missing,the pain and hurt that lives within you forever.What turned my kind and compassionate daughter into a complete stranger,what control did that man have over her?
Sitting on the kitchen unit today is a beautiful bouquet,from a loving daughter to her mum.
It is of course waiting to be collected by a neighbour,the florist didn't have a clue how symbolic it was to ask me to look after it.
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
Treasured Memories
After my daughter disappeared her belongings were put into storage,most of them at least.
Today my son wanted to sort through the few bits and bobs we have left here,I guess it's his way of dealing with the situation.The thought of looking through them again filled me with fear,knowing full well that my emotions are still raw.
As I sat looking at what remains,I wonder what sort of life she has now,will she ever be the same happy, carefree person she once was.
Back in September,just before her birthday,schoolfriends came to the house to film a TV appeal,they also brought presents and cards.Those presents remain unopened,still waiting for the loving girl to come home.
Today,I'm not sure why,I felt the need to open the cards and letters,some nagging doubt that one may just hold a clue to where everything went wrong.It was as though they were the only part of her that the police hadn't been through with a fine tooth comb.
One letter is from someone who was a very special friend,in fact they shared the same birthday
As I read that letter aloud to my son tears flowed down my cheeks,a neverending stream of bottled emotions.I don't know if that girl has made contact with my daughter since,I guess I may never know,but I do wonder if the man realises just how much pain he has caused.
As I pack these last few memories into a box along with the pink rabbit and brown teddy bear,I feel as though I'm closing a chapter in our lives.
Today my son wanted to sort through the few bits and bobs we have left here,I guess it's his way of dealing with the situation.The thought of looking through them again filled me with fear,knowing full well that my emotions are still raw.
As I sat looking at what remains,I wonder what sort of life she has now,will she ever be the same happy, carefree person she once was.
Back in September,just before her birthday,schoolfriends came to the house to film a TV appeal,they also brought presents and cards.Those presents remain unopened,still waiting for the loving girl to come home.
Today,I'm not sure why,I felt the need to open the cards and letters,some nagging doubt that one may just hold a clue to where everything went wrong.It was as though they were the only part of her that the police hadn't been through with a fine tooth comb.
One letter is from someone who was a very special friend,in fact they shared the same birthday
As I read that letter aloud to my son tears flowed down my cheeks,a neverending stream of bottled emotions.I don't know if that girl has made contact with my daughter since,I guess I may never know,but I do wonder if the man realises just how much pain he has caused.
As I pack these last few memories into a box along with the pink rabbit and brown teddy bear,I feel as though I'm closing a chapter in our lives.
Monday, 18 February 2008
The long fight for justice
Justice isn't something that will happen overnight,it may take years,but one day justice will come for all the victims of exploitation.
You see I have a dream,perhaps it is far-fetched,perhaps I'm crazy to believe in parent power but dreams make the world go around!
My hopes and dreams are the same as those of most people in my situation;
* Safety for our children
* Prosecution for the perpetrators
* Social workers who understand sexual exploitation
* Clear-cut rules on the oh so murky grey area
* 24/7 support for parents from people who genuinely understand the problem
* More safe houses for exploited girls and women
* Regular contact and updates from the authorities
The last year has opened my eyes to the unsavoury world of grooming,exploitation and lack of concern from the authorities.
You see I have a dream,perhaps it is far-fetched,perhaps I'm crazy to believe in parent power but dreams make the world go around!
My hopes and dreams are the same as those of most people in my situation;
* Safety for our children
* Prosecution for the perpetrators
* Social workers who understand sexual exploitation
* Clear-cut rules on the oh so murky grey area
* 24/7 support for parents from people who genuinely understand the problem
* More safe houses for exploited girls and women
* Regular contact and updates from the authorities
The last year has opened my eyes to the unsavoury world of grooming,exploitation and lack of concern from the authorities.
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