A mother’s love is something that no-one can explain,
It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain,
A mother’s love shines brighter than any star in the sky
A mother’s love is never ending never complaining or asking why.
A mother’s love is feeding you giving you the very best
A mother’s love never bends, even when her strength is put to the test.
It is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it or take that love away …
It is patient and forgiving and it never fails or falters
Even though the heart is breaking …
It believes beyond believing, when the world around condems
And it glows with all the beauty of the rarest gems …
It is far beyond defining, it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation …
A many splendoured miracle, man cannot understand
And another wonderous evidence of God’s tender guiding hand.
A mother’s love stays with you, even when you are apart
A mother’s love never dwindles, even when you break her heart.
A mother’s love is steadfast, it stands strong through the years
A mother’s love has endurance, through the smiles and the tears.
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
The final chapter
3rd April 2008
Today marks the anniversary of my daughter's disappearance after being groomed on the internet,exactly one year since I saw my beautiful,loving daughter.My emotions are still raw and today is far from easy so please forgive me if I repeat myself or go over old ground.Unless by some miracle I am reunited with my daughter this will be the final chapter of this blog,it appears that no-one in authority cares if she is dead or alive.
I remember this date last year vividly,S had been groomed for several months by this time and despite dozens of requests for help no-one cared about what was happening,no-one in authority that is.Friends and family were terrified by what was happening as were her school but people you turn to in times of need couldn't care less.It was blatantly obvious by February that S was being controlled by the 'bf' of course she couldn't see it,her brother kept telling her he was a paedophile but she wouldn't listen, the 'bf' had full control of her once vibrant personality.Each time I removed one of the secret mobile phones that he had supplied another one would appear as if by magic.The 'bf's' previous victim has since told us that the phones she was given were used for sex talk.Friends had been threatened and verbally abused by him,one poor family were accused of being drug dealers,one girl had to be escorted to the school bus each day after receiving death threats,one family were accused of maltreating their dog and were subsequently investigated by the RSPCA (not that they ever had a dog!!!!!)
What the 'bf' did to us was much worse,apart from the obvious of luring our daughter away from us,taking her away from the safety of her own home and messing with her mind,the accusations that he made will haunt me for the rest of my life.He repeatedly made accusations to the Police,Social services,and even spent weeks sending fax messages to her school,one weekend he called 999 every 10 minutes,the Police soon decided he was a raving nutter!My son was accused of breaking S's arm ,although she had never suffered a broken arm,the police still questioned him about it.My husband escaped relatively unscathed but then he was never close to S,it was me who bore the brunt of his ranting and raving,probably because S and I had always been so close and he had to try so hard to break the bond between us.
The 'bf' accused me of smashing my daughters skull against a brick wall and of holding her down and slashing her wrists,it would be funny if it wasn't so serious.She did have self harm injuries to her wrist,witnessed by a PC who we had asked to see her strange behaviour one day,she was also seen headbutting her bedroom wall by the same pc.The following day she reported to a doctor in Bristol the 'bf' telling the doctor that the injuries were a direct result of being assaulted by her abusive alcoholic mother!!In between October and December 2007 the 'bf' started a vendetta of internet allegations about me,pages and pages of accusations that S had been the victim of child abuse since the age of 12,these allegations were incredibly hurtful and pushed me to the very brink of suicide.
S and I had always been incredibly close,so much so that other people were jealous of how well we got on as mother and daughter.Of course our life wasn't perfect,who's is but we understood each other so well.I look back now on fond memories of the days we had together,the girly times cuddled on the sofa watching Eastenders and sharing pringles,or the baking days when we would take over the kitchen,spending the whole day experimenting with cake recipes,more flour in our hair than in the cakes.S loved animals especially her beloved rabbits,I still have video footage of her appearance on Pet rescue and dozens of photos of her cuddling her favourite furballs.How the 'bf' ever persuaded her to leave her little baby bunny will always puzzle me,she was worried sick when we went away for a week and entrusted her care with neighbours.Of course that poor bunny pined for her when she left,sat each day looking for her,those sad eyes not understanding why she wouldn't come home.
The house is very different now,a pet free zone,none of S's pot plants scattered around,no more sound of the rock tumbler churning away in the shed,no more girly laundry in the machine,no more giggly sleepovers in the garden.In the last year I have seen my son change from a carefree devilish little kid to a strapping young man deeply moved by the course of events,worried about things that 14 year olds shouldn't even understand.
What happened to S the day she disappeared we may never know,we do have proof that she went to Bristol,something that the 'bf' still denies,she wasn't seen for over 6 months and has only been seen by the authorities on 2 occasions since.During the time she was missing we worked tirelessly with the media,both in asking for help to locate her and warning other families of the dangers of sexual grooming.Most media work we were prepared for but waking up to see our daughter projected onto Marble Arch was a huge shock,the charity missing people had forgotten to mention it to us!
We attended regular meetings with the police going over the same information again and again,desperately looking for clues,I spent hours and hours on the internet searching for some idea as to where she was.Of course although he has denied it we now know for a fact that the 'bf' and his dad knew exactly where she was all the way along,the dad even kept press cuttings about her on the back seat of his car,bizzare to say the least!The 'bf' has ruined not just our lives but also S's future,today I can safely say that I don't know if she is dead or alive,I hold him personally responsible if anything happens to her.As her friends prepare to sit their GCSE's and look to the future S is left to live a life of crime and grime with the 'bf' and hid dad.
Despite countless attempts to cause trouble for us,the police know that the allegations against me were a pack of lies,they didn't believe them for a minute.The public of course don't know the full facts,I still find it incredibly difficult to go out in our sleepy town without people questioning what happened,I'm sick to death of people saying there's no smoke without fire or that if there was nothing wrong at home she would have come home by now.Of course people round here think grooming is something you do to your hair,and the three P's don't exist (that's pimping paedophile and prostitution for those of you innocent enough not to know)
I will never understand how the 'bf' had so much control over S,although I have now seen evidence of him doing this sort of thing before so I suppose he has become an expert at it.I still love my daughter,but I love the carefree girl I once knew,the happy,polite and loving girl that I was so proud of.Whether or not I ever see her again is debatable,the door is still open.....just,but as each day passes we grow further apart,our lives move in opposite directions.
The effect that sexual grooming and missing children has on the close family is obvious,not many people realise just how far and wide the trauma travels,grandparents,aunts,uncles,cousins,neighbours,school friends teachers,the list goes on.It is too late to save S from the damage this man has caused but the fight to protect others must go on,one day the government will sit up and take notice,let's just hope that day comes sooner rather than later
A huge thanks to Thames Valley Police and the fantastic Sarah at CROP for their support over the last year,I wouldn't be here without you guys.
Today marks the anniversary of my daughter's disappearance after being groomed on the internet,exactly one year since I saw my beautiful,loving daughter.My emotions are still raw and today is far from easy so please forgive me if I repeat myself or go over old ground.Unless by some miracle I am reunited with my daughter this will be the final chapter of this blog,it appears that no-one in authority cares if she is dead or alive.
I remember this date last year vividly,S had been groomed for several months by this time and despite dozens of requests for help no-one cared about what was happening,no-one in authority that is.Friends and family were terrified by what was happening as were her school but people you turn to in times of need couldn't care less.It was blatantly obvious by February that S was being controlled by the 'bf' of course she couldn't see it,her brother kept telling her he was a paedophile but she wouldn't listen, the 'bf' had full control of her once vibrant personality.Each time I removed one of the secret mobile phones that he had supplied another one would appear as if by magic.The 'bf's' previous victim has since told us that the phones she was given were used for sex talk.Friends had been threatened and verbally abused by him,one poor family were accused of being drug dealers,one girl had to be escorted to the school bus each day after receiving death threats,one family were accused of maltreating their dog and were subsequently investigated by the RSPCA (not that they ever had a dog!!!!!)
What the 'bf' did to us was much worse,apart from the obvious of luring our daughter away from us,taking her away from the safety of her own home and messing with her mind,the accusations that he made will haunt me for the rest of my life.He repeatedly made accusations to the Police,Social services,and even spent weeks sending fax messages to her school,one weekend he called 999 every 10 minutes,the Police soon decided he was a raving nutter!My son was accused of breaking S's arm ,although she had never suffered a broken arm,the police still questioned him about it.My husband escaped relatively unscathed but then he was never close to S,it was me who bore the brunt of his ranting and raving,probably because S and I had always been so close and he had to try so hard to break the bond between us.
The 'bf' accused me of smashing my daughters skull against a brick wall and of holding her down and slashing her wrists,it would be funny if it wasn't so serious.She did have self harm injuries to her wrist,witnessed by a PC who we had asked to see her strange behaviour one day,she was also seen headbutting her bedroom wall by the same pc.The following day she reported to a doctor in Bristol the 'bf' telling the doctor that the injuries were a direct result of being assaulted by her abusive alcoholic mother!!In between October and December 2007 the 'bf' started a vendetta of internet allegations about me,pages and pages of accusations that S had been the victim of child abuse since the age of 12,these allegations were incredibly hurtful and pushed me to the very brink of suicide.
S and I had always been incredibly close,so much so that other people were jealous of how well we got on as mother and daughter.Of course our life wasn't perfect,who's is but we understood each other so well.I look back now on fond memories of the days we had together,the girly times cuddled on the sofa watching Eastenders and sharing pringles,or the baking days when we would take over the kitchen,spending the whole day experimenting with cake recipes,more flour in our hair than in the cakes.S loved animals especially her beloved rabbits,I still have video footage of her appearance on Pet rescue and dozens of photos of her cuddling her favourite furballs.How the 'bf' ever persuaded her to leave her little baby bunny will always puzzle me,she was worried sick when we went away for a week and entrusted her care with neighbours.Of course that poor bunny pined for her when she left,sat each day looking for her,those sad eyes not understanding why she wouldn't come home.
The house is very different now,a pet free zone,none of S's pot plants scattered around,no more sound of the rock tumbler churning away in the shed,no more girly laundry in the machine,no more giggly sleepovers in the garden.In the last year I have seen my son change from a carefree devilish little kid to a strapping young man deeply moved by the course of events,worried about things that 14 year olds shouldn't even understand.
What happened to S the day she disappeared we may never know,we do have proof that she went to Bristol,something that the 'bf' still denies,she wasn't seen for over 6 months and has only been seen by the authorities on 2 occasions since.During the time she was missing we worked tirelessly with the media,both in asking for help to locate her and warning other families of the dangers of sexual grooming.Most media work we were prepared for but waking up to see our daughter projected onto Marble Arch was a huge shock,the charity missing people had forgotten to mention it to us!
We attended regular meetings with the police going over the same information again and again,desperately looking for clues,I spent hours and hours on the internet searching for some idea as to where she was.Of course although he has denied it we now know for a fact that the 'bf' and his dad knew exactly where she was all the way along,the dad even kept press cuttings about her on the back seat of his car,bizzare to say the least!The 'bf' has ruined not just our lives but also S's future,today I can safely say that I don't know if she is dead or alive,I hold him personally responsible if anything happens to her.As her friends prepare to sit their GCSE's and look to the future S is left to live a life of crime and grime with the 'bf' and hid dad.
Despite countless attempts to cause trouble for us,the police know that the allegations against me were a pack of lies,they didn't believe them for a minute.The public of course don't know the full facts,I still find it incredibly difficult to go out in our sleepy town without people questioning what happened,I'm sick to death of people saying there's no smoke without fire or that if there was nothing wrong at home she would have come home by now.Of course people round here think grooming is something you do to your hair,and the three P's don't exist (that's pimping paedophile and prostitution for those of you innocent enough not to know)
I will never understand how the 'bf' had so much control over S,although I have now seen evidence of him doing this sort of thing before so I suppose he has become an expert at it.I still love my daughter,but I love the carefree girl I once knew,the happy,polite and loving girl that I was so proud of.Whether or not I ever see her again is debatable,the door is still open.....just,but as each day passes we grow further apart,our lives move in opposite directions.
The effect that sexual grooming and missing children has on the close family is obvious,not many people realise just how far and wide the trauma travels,grandparents,aunts,uncles,cousins,neighbours,school friends teachers,the list goes on.It is too late to save S from the damage this man has caused but the fight to protect others must go on,one day the government will sit up and take notice,let's just hope that day comes sooner rather than later
A huge thanks to Thames Valley Police and the fantastic Sarah at CROP for their support over the last year,I wouldn't be here without you guys.
Sunday, 23 March 2008
March 2007 The month from hell
The month started with us living if fear for our daughter's life and ended up no better,so much happened that month I could write a whole book about it,perhaps I will one day but here's a brief summary:
My husband has his first direct contact with the BF on the phone,what an experience that was,the police officers are all bogus,he's had this sort of thing before,they are just acting,not real police officers...........is he a nutter????
A neighbour calls in to tell us about death threats from the BF,not a man easily unnerved,a prison officer used to dealing with his type,but he is obviously very concerned and has made a formal complaint to the Police.
The Police come round and tell S a few home truths about the BF,during their visit the BF is on the phone to one of the police officers and is obviously incredibly abusive towards him,the officer is heard to say....."don't you dare speak to me like that"
The everlasting phone call,all we can hear all day and night is the BF on speaker phone giving S orders,get a drink,have a shower,wash your hair,I tried to remove the phone but she has the most amazing strength,we assume that she must be on drugs.
Social services tell us that they can't help,we as parents must ride the storm,our social worker is not much more than a child herself.
After days of no sleep,we decide that the only way to break the control is to remove the phone,S becomes possessed and manages to pick me up and throw me accross the landing,the 2 friends in the house at the time are clearly in shock at what happened and one leaves in tears,shaking like a leaf.
S disappears and is found in Bristol in a motel room a few days later,my husband has to drive as far as Swindon (the halfway point ) to collect her,signing a piece of paper on the bonnet of a police car to reclaim our daughter in the middle of the night.
The frustration is getting too much,no-one will help us,we tell the SS that unless they help we will take her to county hall and leave her there,eventually we have a visit from the GP and the SS,not that it does much good,S goes out under the BF's instructions and once again disappears.
The BF is to be charged with sexual grooming and harrasment,child abduction papers are also issued.
S suddenly appears at 1am after a week away,she doesn't look as though she's washed since she left and doesn't smell fresh!! her behaviour is odd to say the least,so much so that we end up calling the paramedics to check her over.
Throughout all of this the support we get from SS is a joke,I naively thought they would help us.
S has a complete wobbler,so much so that we call the police to witness her behaviour,PC W arrives and she goes balistic,bashing her head against the wall and smashing her desk,she then tries to cut her arms with nails she has pulled out of her desk,PC W is a witness to the whole thing.
The police have a phone call from the BF's dad,saying that the BF is seriously ill in hospital after attempting suicide,S needs to be at his deathbed,we refuse to let her go and within a few hours the BF makes a remarkable recovery and is tucked up at home with his dad.
We attend a meeting at county hall where the SW tells us she has learnt some info about the BF's background,of course she won't tell us what!
S had a brief get together with her best friend,for a short time she seemed almost normal again although the BF was on the phone threatening her during their meeting.
S disappears again and is picked up by police later that day,she has attended a doctor in Bristol and has accused us of being child abusers.
The behaviour becomes more bizarre,sitting under her desk rocking backwards and forwards self harming,screaming about nothing,home life is now unbearable.
The out of hours team have received a fax from the BF stating that I had tried to kill S on 3 separate occasions and that S's life was in danger,he has also sent similar faxes to the school,even the SS admit he is a raving nutter!
I manage to get S to the doctor,who agrees that her injuries are consistent with self harm,the doc suggested that S should take contraception but was told that she was being sick in the head to consider that they were having sex.
The language from our once loving and polite daughter is now awful,anyone daring to go near her is told to F-off,or is labelled a F-ing paedophile.
S goes into school but vanishes during the day, to appear just before midnight the following day.
S goes out for the day and is stopped by police during a drugs raid at mk station!
During all this nightmare we try to keep life as normal as possible for our son and of course we need to go to work whenever we can but we both end up taking time off to handle the ongoing nightmare.
My husband has his first direct contact with the BF on the phone,what an experience that was,the police officers are all bogus,he's had this sort of thing before,they are just acting,not real police officers...........is he a nutter????
A neighbour calls in to tell us about death threats from the BF,not a man easily unnerved,a prison officer used to dealing with his type,but he is obviously very concerned and has made a formal complaint to the Police.
The Police come round and tell S a few home truths about the BF,during their visit the BF is on the phone to one of the police officers and is obviously incredibly abusive towards him,the officer is heard to say....."don't you dare speak to me like that"
The everlasting phone call,all we can hear all day and night is the BF on speaker phone giving S orders,get a drink,have a shower,wash your hair,I tried to remove the phone but she has the most amazing strength,we assume that she must be on drugs.
Social services tell us that they can't help,we as parents must ride the storm,our social worker is not much more than a child herself.
After days of no sleep,we decide that the only way to break the control is to remove the phone,S becomes possessed and manages to pick me up and throw me accross the landing,the 2 friends in the house at the time are clearly in shock at what happened and one leaves in tears,shaking like a leaf.
S disappears and is found in Bristol in a motel room a few days later,my husband has to drive as far as Swindon (the halfway point ) to collect her,signing a piece of paper on the bonnet of a police car to reclaim our daughter in the middle of the night.
The frustration is getting too much,no-one will help us,we tell the SS that unless they help we will take her to county hall and leave her there,eventually we have a visit from the GP and the SS,not that it does much good,S goes out under the BF's instructions and once again disappears.
The BF is to be charged with sexual grooming and harrasment,child abduction papers are also issued.
S suddenly appears at 1am after a week away,she doesn't look as though she's washed since she left and doesn't smell fresh!! her behaviour is odd to say the least,so much so that we end up calling the paramedics to check her over.
Throughout all of this the support we get from SS is a joke,I naively thought they would help us.
S has a complete wobbler,so much so that we call the police to witness her behaviour,PC W arrives and she goes balistic,bashing her head against the wall and smashing her desk,she then tries to cut her arms with nails she has pulled out of her desk,PC W is a witness to the whole thing.
The police have a phone call from the BF's dad,saying that the BF is seriously ill in hospital after attempting suicide,S needs to be at his deathbed,we refuse to let her go and within a few hours the BF makes a remarkable recovery and is tucked up at home with his dad.
We attend a meeting at county hall where the SW tells us she has learnt some info about the BF's background,of course she won't tell us what!
S had a brief get together with her best friend,for a short time she seemed almost normal again although the BF was on the phone threatening her during their meeting.
S disappears again and is picked up by police later that day,she has attended a doctor in Bristol and has accused us of being child abusers.
The behaviour becomes more bizarre,sitting under her desk rocking backwards and forwards self harming,screaming about nothing,home life is now unbearable.
The out of hours team have received a fax from the BF stating that I had tried to kill S on 3 separate occasions and that S's life was in danger,he has also sent similar faxes to the school,even the SS admit he is a raving nutter!
I manage to get S to the doctor,who agrees that her injuries are consistent with self harm,the doc suggested that S should take contraception but was told that she was being sick in the head to consider that they were having sex.
The language from our once loving and polite daughter is now awful,anyone daring to go near her is told to F-off,or is labelled a F-ing paedophile.
S goes into school but vanishes during the day, to appear just before midnight the following day.
S goes out for the day and is stopped by police during a drugs raid at mk station!
During all this nightmare we try to keep life as normal as possible for our son and of course we need to go to work whenever we can but we both end up taking time off to handle the ongoing nightmare.
Friday, 21 March 2008
Does anyone care?
When a child goes missing the effect on the family is traumatic to say the least,but the police stir into action to help locate them.
When your daughter is groomed it's a different ball game,yes while she is considered to be a missing child at risk the police do what they can to locate her but then what?
Back in October when our daughter was located at the home of the perpetrator the police as expected closed the missper case,various agencies were involved and we were told by police that social services would now step in to handle the situation.
Looking back to that fateful day I suppose I knew it was over,chances were I would never see her again,if I was relying on social care to save the day I might as well wait for pigs to start flying.The Social workers in Bristol still to this day have never met her,I don't believe they have any intention of getting involved,the last time she was seen by anyone in authority was during a truancy sweep back in November.I spoke to the person concerned who told me what happened that day and she was understandably concerned for my daughter's safety and wellbeing.
Since then ..nothing,is she still there,is she still being controlled by the man,is she safe,
No-one seems to know and apart from CROP no-one seems to care,I spend hours every week writing to people asking for someone to intervene you see it's not just our daughter,this is a national problem,hundreds of girls in the same situation.
This week will bring 2 TV programs of interest,The Bill is showing a story of a girl groomed on the internet I hope the guy doesn't get convicted.......I would hate for it to be that far-fetched!!!
On Thursday Panorama are hoping to show their program on sexual exploitation,including the experiences of staff at CROP and more importantly the true story of one girls rehabilitation after being lured into an exploitative relationship.
When your daughter is groomed it's a different ball game,yes while she is considered to be a missing child at risk the police do what they can to locate her but then what?
Back in October when our daughter was located at the home of the perpetrator the police as expected closed the missper case,various agencies were involved and we were told by police that social services would now step in to handle the situation.
Looking back to that fateful day I suppose I knew it was over,chances were I would never see her again,if I was relying on social care to save the day I might as well wait for pigs to start flying.The Social workers in Bristol still to this day have never met her,I don't believe they have any intention of getting involved,the last time she was seen by anyone in authority was during a truancy sweep back in November.I spoke to the person concerned who told me what happened that day and she was understandably concerned for my daughter's safety and wellbeing.
Since then ..nothing,is she still there,is she still being controlled by the man,is she safe,
No-one seems to know and apart from CROP no-one seems to care,I spend hours every week writing to people asking for someone to intervene you see it's not just our daughter,this is a national problem,hundreds of girls in the same situation.
This week will bring 2 TV programs of interest,The Bill is showing a story of a girl groomed on the internet I hope the guy doesn't get convicted.......I would hate for it to be that far-fetched!!!
On Thursday Panorama are hoping to show their program on sexual exploitation,including the experiences of staff at CROP and more importantly the true story of one girls rehabilitation after being lured into an exploitative relationship.
Saturday, 15 March 2008
What happened to GREAT Britain
The last year has really hammered home to me just what a mess this country is in,it is now normal for criminals to be protected.The innocent have no rights,despite millions of pounds being spent on strategies and policies to improve life in this country.
The safeguarding children framework is a classic example,it is designed to protect children up to the age of 18...what a joke!!
This is the official line from the home office..........
I am sorry to hear of your experience of not getting the help you obviously need concerning the safeguarding of your daughter. 'Working Together to Safeguard Children', the main inter-agency guidance to safeguarding and promoting the welfare of children, defines a child using the definition in the Children Acts 1989 and 2004, as anyone who has not yet reached their 18th birthday. The processes that the guidance sets out for safeguarding children therefore apply to all children up to the age of 18. The fact that a child has reached the age of 16 or is living independently does not change their status or entitlement to services or protection under the Children Act 1989.
So that's the official line but what of the reality?
We are told that as parents of a 16 year old we have no rights,but of course we can be prosecuted for her not attending school!!!
Social services drag their feet in cases like ours until the child is old enough for the case to be closed,but even then they won't hear the end of me!
Our daughter was groomed by a man with a chequered history,she was not the only girl who he had done this to.It is now nearly a year since we saw her and we have no idea if she is safe or not,social workers are a complete joke,I have written to them and told them that if anything happens to her they will have blood on their hands.
We are told to forget that we ever had a daughter and move on with our lives,could any mum ever forget 15 years of love?? I seriously doubt it!
We are told that she is safe despite the fact that not one social worker in Bristol has ever laid eyes on her,in fact the last time she was seen by anyone in authority was in mid November,but hey we shouldn't be worried...or so they tell us!
We are of course not the only family that this has happened to,there are hundreds of others out there going through the same nightmare as us,some girls are as young as 10 and in 99% of cases the social workers are not interested.So just who is supposed to be looking out for their welfare,should it be social workers,parents or charity workers?
I can safely say that if it wasn't for the help and support that we have had from CROP we wouldn't have survived the last year,but as a charity they are struggling to cope with the size of the problem.
The police officers that we have dealt with have been fantastic,don't get me wrong,but the law itself is useless unless it is used appropriately.
I would like to be able to say that social workers could do a good job if they had more funding but recent months have made it clear that it's unlikely.I have made complaints about the way our case has been handled and had those complaints been handled properly I would have been satisfied.No such luck!!! Our social worker has denied that conversations have taken place,despite police officers being present on many occassions,to be honest it has just put my back up even more.
We have now decided that this country is no longer for us,it's time to move.
Our son will finish his compulsary education then we are planning to leave for pastures new,not a decission we have taken lightly but in the circumstances we have lost all faith in what this country used to stand for.
The safeguarding children framework is a classic example,it is designed to protect children up to the age of 18...what a joke!!
This is the official line from the home office..........
I am sorry to hear of your experience of not getting the help you obviously need concerning the safeguarding of your daughter. 'Working Together to Safeguard Children', the main inter-agency guidance to safeguarding and promoting the welfare of children, defines a child using the definition in the Children Acts 1989 and 2004, as anyone who has not yet reached their 18th birthday. The processes that the guidance sets out for safeguarding children therefore apply to all children up to the age of 18. The fact that a child has reached the age of 16 or is living independently does not change their status or entitlement to services or protection under the Children Act 1989.
So that's the official line but what of the reality?
We are told that as parents of a 16 year old we have no rights,but of course we can be prosecuted for her not attending school!!!
Social services drag their feet in cases like ours until the child is old enough for the case to be closed,but even then they won't hear the end of me!
Our daughter was groomed by a man with a chequered history,she was not the only girl who he had done this to.It is now nearly a year since we saw her and we have no idea if she is safe or not,social workers are a complete joke,I have written to them and told them that if anything happens to her they will have blood on their hands.
We are told to forget that we ever had a daughter and move on with our lives,could any mum ever forget 15 years of love?? I seriously doubt it!
We are told that she is safe despite the fact that not one social worker in Bristol has ever laid eyes on her,in fact the last time she was seen by anyone in authority was in mid November,but hey we shouldn't be worried...or so they tell us!
We are of course not the only family that this has happened to,there are hundreds of others out there going through the same nightmare as us,some girls are as young as 10 and in 99% of cases the social workers are not interested.So just who is supposed to be looking out for their welfare,should it be social workers,parents or charity workers?
I can safely say that if it wasn't for the help and support that we have had from CROP we wouldn't have survived the last year,but as a charity they are struggling to cope with the size of the problem.
The police officers that we have dealt with have been fantastic,don't get me wrong,but the law itself is useless unless it is used appropriately.
I would like to be able to say that social workers could do a good job if they had more funding but recent months have made it clear that it's unlikely.I have made complaints about the way our case has been handled and had those complaints been handled properly I would have been satisfied.No such luck!!! Our social worker has denied that conversations have taken place,despite police officers being present on many occassions,to be honest it has just put my back up even more.
We have now decided that this country is no longer for us,it's time to move.
Our son will finish his compulsary education then we are planning to leave for pastures new,not a decission we have taken lightly but in the circumstances we have lost all faith in what this country used to stand for.
Saturday, 8 March 2008
Life goes on
Parts of me stand still at the time my daughter disappeared,trapped in the emotion of losing something so precious,always blaming myself for not preventing the man getting his claws into her.How did I let it happen? Why couldn't I stop it? Am I the only one who cares?
Of course life has to go on,we have to work,pay the bills and get on with everyday life,unlike the high profile missing Maddie case we are not in a position to rely on a huge fund and travel the world,the truth is I wouldn't even if I could,it's not my way.
We have as much as possible carried on with our lives,yes I admit we have both taken time off work,but days rather than months,mostly to attend meetings with the police etc,
Our son has only missed a few days at school,we need to keep to his routine as much as possible,he may be a teenager but even so normality is something of a coping mechanism.
Some life changes are planned for,moving house,special holidays,maybe even a new car,but of course losing a loved one is something no-one would consider planning for,financially or emotionally.We have never had much money,nothing changes there,but we've always got by.
If someone asked me how much is in the bank now I wouldn't have a clue,it's one of those things I really don't care about anymore,I've lost interest,some things don't matter,I could be a millionaire and it wouldn't matter.The garden is a mess and the house is dirty,I haven't baked many cakes since she went,it hurts too much to remember the daft days when we used to have flour fights in the kitchen.
When a child goes missing,it's a bit like a bereavement,you think nothing will be the same again,of course normal things creep back into your life,you don't notice at first then suddenly you reach a point where you have to accept the past and move on.
I found myself at our local casualty department this week,waiting for my son to be x-rayed,my kids have always been in scrapes,falling off bikes etc so nothing unusual,perhaps the only difference was that big sis wasn't there this time for morale support.
The fight for justice goes on,perhaps not in the forefront of our lives,I will never forgive the dreaded wasps for their failings,if anything ever happens to my daughter they will have blood on their hands.Like so many others before her,our daughter is forgotten by the authorities because she is now 16,left in an environment that was once alien to her,gone is the sweet naive girl we knew,now in a life of crime and grime.Always in the hearts and minds of family,never forgotten by friends,some still mention her on websites this week,GCSE's are upon them but they will never forget such a special friend.
We are in a better position than last year,we can now plan weeks ahead,last year days were impossible,in fact even planning hours ahead were a risk.
Our son will have a fantastic summer in the sun,surrounded by people who love him,as for our daughter,who knows what the future holds?
Part of me is scared for her,knowing what has happened and what the man is capable off,unsure of why the wasps protect him so much and at the same time the police treat him with such contempt.
Part of me hates what our daughter has done to us,standing by a man who can cause so much havoc in our lives,letting us think she was dead.
I have to remind myself that she is a victim of crime and hope that one day she will break free ,and realise what he really is.Victims of sexual exploitation can take years to accept what has been done to them,let's just hope that her loved ones are still here when the truth dawns on her.
Much changes and life does go on.
Of course life has to go on,we have to work,pay the bills and get on with everyday life,unlike the high profile missing Maddie case we are not in a position to rely on a huge fund and travel the world,the truth is I wouldn't even if I could,it's not my way.
We have as much as possible carried on with our lives,yes I admit we have both taken time off work,but days rather than months,mostly to attend meetings with the police etc,
Our son has only missed a few days at school,we need to keep to his routine as much as possible,he may be a teenager but even so normality is something of a coping mechanism.
Some life changes are planned for,moving house,special holidays,maybe even a new car,but of course losing a loved one is something no-one would consider planning for,financially or emotionally.We have never had much money,nothing changes there,but we've always got by.
If someone asked me how much is in the bank now I wouldn't have a clue,it's one of those things I really don't care about anymore,I've lost interest,some things don't matter,I could be a millionaire and it wouldn't matter.The garden is a mess and the house is dirty,I haven't baked many cakes since she went,it hurts too much to remember the daft days when we used to have flour fights in the kitchen.
When a child goes missing,it's a bit like a bereavement,you think nothing will be the same again,of course normal things creep back into your life,you don't notice at first then suddenly you reach a point where you have to accept the past and move on.
I found myself at our local casualty department this week,waiting for my son to be x-rayed,my kids have always been in scrapes,falling off bikes etc so nothing unusual,perhaps the only difference was that big sis wasn't there this time for morale support.
The fight for justice goes on,perhaps not in the forefront of our lives,I will never forgive the dreaded wasps for their failings,if anything ever happens to my daughter they will have blood on their hands.Like so many others before her,our daughter is forgotten by the authorities because she is now 16,left in an environment that was once alien to her,gone is the sweet naive girl we knew,now in a life of crime and grime.Always in the hearts and minds of family,never forgotten by friends,some still mention her on websites this week,GCSE's are upon them but they will never forget such a special friend.
We are in a better position than last year,we can now plan weeks ahead,last year days were impossible,in fact even planning hours ahead were a risk.
Our son will have a fantastic summer in the sun,surrounded by people who love him,as for our daughter,who knows what the future holds?
Part of me is scared for her,knowing what has happened and what the man is capable off,unsure of why the wasps protect him so much and at the same time the police treat him with such contempt.
Part of me hates what our daughter has done to us,standing by a man who can cause so much havoc in our lives,letting us think she was dead.
I have to remind myself that she is a victim of crime and hope that one day she will break free ,and realise what he really is.Victims of sexual exploitation can take years to accept what has been done to them,let's just hope that her loved ones are still here when the truth dawns on her.
Much changes and life does go on.
Sunday, 2 March 2008
Mothers Day
I remember the old days ,2006 and before,my daughter was always so loving especially on Mother's day.
I have a bundle of treasured memories,cards and keepsakes.Messages to say "I love you mum"
or "The best Mum in the world " .
I sit here today,thinking of Shannon Matthews and what her mum is going through,remembering back to last year when my daughter was missing,the pain and hurt that lives within you forever.What turned my kind and compassionate daughter into a complete stranger,what control did that man have over her?
Sitting on the kitchen unit today is a beautiful bouquet,from a loving daughter to her mum.
It is of course waiting to be collected by a neighbour,the florist didn't have a clue how symbolic it was to ask me to look after it.
I have a bundle of treasured memories,cards and keepsakes.Messages to say "I love you mum"
or "The best Mum in the world " .
I sit here today,thinking of Shannon Matthews and what her mum is going through,remembering back to last year when my daughter was missing,the pain and hurt that lives within you forever.What turned my kind and compassionate daughter into a complete stranger,what control did that man have over her?
Sitting on the kitchen unit today is a beautiful bouquet,from a loving daughter to her mum.
It is of course waiting to be collected by a neighbour,the florist didn't have a clue how symbolic it was to ask me to look after it.
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