Today is so very hard,
10th February sticks vividly in my mind...the very first day my baby disappeared,the first day of our nightmare.
I'm trying to keep busy,cleaning the house,but memories are everywhere.All of her possessions have been put into storage,too painful to look at them any more.
Daft things trigger emotions,watering our only remaining houseplant,the others died long ago.The house was once full of plants,mostly her spider plants,about 47 I seem to remember,of course as the last year progressed the plants soon gave up the ghost,as did the pets and as did our hope.
Lurking in the shoe cupboard are a very dusty pair of school shoes,they should go in the bin,but I can't bring myself to do it,she has lost the opportunity to complete her education but somehow throwing them away seems so final.
As I dust the ornaments and picture frames I remember the sweet angelic girl I once knew,I wonder if I will ever see her again.Is she still loving and caring,honest and truthful or has he changed her beyond recognition?
My husband and I went to Westminster on Thursday to meet with the Bristol MP,she listened to what we had to say but somehow I don't think she heard us.
The truth is that appart from the team at CROP no-one really cares,the dreaded wasps certainly don't.I have yet to find a wasp who even understands what sexual grroming is!
Friends become strangers,avoiding you because they don't know what to say anymore,life becomes incredibly lonely.
Somehow it doesn't matter who wants to talk and who doesn't,there is only one person I want to sit down and talk to,so many questions unanswered,so much hurt,so much uncertainty.
Sunday, 10 February 2008
Thursday, 7 February 2008
Stripping the soul
I once had a daughter, a beautiful happy intelligent girl,a girl I was so proud of.
She had plans to make something of her life,not to doss about but have a good life.....work hard,play hard,travel the world.
That all seems a long time ago now,the friends that she met on the internet all died suddenly!
Or did they? 3 different friends in the space of a few weeks.......I hardly think so!
The knight in shining armour stepped in to console her,he himself was in mourning for his mum or was it gran or was it sister?The story changed each week,we could see it but our daughter couldn't,our son told her he was a paedophile tring to stalk her but to no avail,the damage was done,he was bleeding her dry,stripping her very soul from within.
Who knows what the future holds now,the authorities don't care and to be quite honest after a year of fighting I'm not sure I have the strength to continue.
I am writing a book from our diary of the last year,it contains very graphic details,things that happened,feelings and emotions,hopes and fears.
Perhaps people will learn from our experience,spot the warning signs and take action sooner,it's too late for us,but if just one family is saved from the torment that we have endured it will be worth it.
She had plans to make something of her life,not to doss about but have a good life.....work hard,play hard,travel the world.
That all seems a long time ago now,the friends that she met on the internet all died suddenly!
Or did they? 3 different friends in the space of a few weeks.......I hardly think so!
The knight in shining armour stepped in to console her,he himself was in mourning for his mum or was it gran or was it sister?The story changed each week,we could see it but our daughter couldn't,our son told her he was a paedophile tring to stalk her but to no avail,the damage was done,he was bleeding her dry,stripping her very soul from within.
Who knows what the future holds now,the authorities don't care and to be quite honest after a year of fighting I'm not sure I have the strength to continue.
I am writing a book from our diary of the last year,it contains very graphic details,things that happened,feelings and emotions,hopes and fears.
Perhaps people will learn from our experience,spot the warning signs and take action sooner,it's too late for us,but if just one family is saved from the torment that we have endured it will be worth it.
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
Update on "the wasps"
At last senior wasp called me today,not because I had left umpteen messages for her or because I had asked junior wasp to get her to call me,oh no that would be far too simple,she called me because BIG wasp had received my official complaint!
I work on a very simple rule in life,do things when they need doing, don't put them off because it only makes things worse.The last year has taught me that if you ever leave a message for a wasp to contact you there isn't much chance of it happening without a fight.
Senior wasp today denied that junior wasp had ever failed to return my calls,of course the police advised us a very long time ago to record everything that happened especially relating to the dreaded wasps.
Denying daft little facts is pointless when my diaries now run into several large books,I can confirm any detail they wish to argue with.
I was told today that my daughter is safe and happy living with the man who was issued with child abduction papers and arrested for sexual grooming,the question is how do they know that she is safe and happy?
It should be simple to find out .......or you would think so!
But in fact the dreaded wasps who are so sure that she is safe have NEVER in fact met her!!!
I told senior wasp today that the general concensus is for the wasps to delay dealing with 15 year olds because if they dragged their feet long enough they could close the case,she didn't argue!
I wanted to have a sensible conversation with my son today about the future, he had overheard my conversation with the wasps today and wasn't impressed.
He told me that if they ever wanted to speak to him again they would be out of luck,you see not only have we been badly let down by them but so has he.
Another generation not trusting what they say,knowing how ineffectual they are,and knowing that they are no help in times of crisis.
I work on a very simple rule in life,do things when they need doing, don't put them off because it only makes things worse.The last year has taught me that if you ever leave a message for a wasp to contact you there isn't much chance of it happening without a fight.
Senior wasp today denied that junior wasp had ever failed to return my calls,of course the police advised us a very long time ago to record everything that happened especially relating to the dreaded wasps.
Denying daft little facts is pointless when my diaries now run into several large books,I can confirm any detail they wish to argue with.
I was told today that my daughter is safe and happy living with the man who was issued with child abduction papers and arrested for sexual grooming,the question is how do they know that she is safe and happy?
It should be simple to find out .......or you would think so!
But in fact the dreaded wasps who are so sure that she is safe have NEVER in fact met her!!!
I told senior wasp today that the general concensus is for the wasps to delay dealing with 15 year olds because if they dragged their feet long enough they could close the case,she didn't argue!
I wanted to have a sensible conversation with my son today about the future, he had overheard my conversation with the wasps today and wasn't impressed.
He told me that if they ever wanted to speak to him again they would be out of luck,you see not only have we been badly let down by them but so has he.
Another generation not trusting what they say,knowing how ineffectual they are,and knowing that they are no help in times of crisis.
Monday, 4 February 2008
The Police
New Years Eve 2006,we sat drinking with friends and neighbours laughing about the kids waving to passing police cars as we danced the streets,we all admited that we didn't know any of the local bobbies.
My God how much that has changed!
From the first missing person report filed by the local pc we soon moved up the ranks,our diary shows the endless number of officers entering our house,taking details,looking for evidence,investigating claims that our daughter was being beaten black and blue!
The local bobbies were clearly hacked off with the perpetrator and his lies,the repeated 999 calls when it was obvious nothing was happening,such a waste of their precious manpower.
We were always open and honest with the boys in blue and I'm sure that helped both sides,for a family who had no previous dealings with them we have certainly learnt a lot.
The local CID took over the case in early April,with specialist search teams coming in taking personal effects for DNA samples something that really shook us.
As the case progressed we were invited for regular strategy meetings at either wasp central,in the broom cupboard or in Silver Command suite at the Police station.
The first of those meetings left me feeling totally bewildered,to see our daughters details projected onto huge computer screens,just totally sureal.
Most of our contacts were with the lovely missper co-ordinator who was always available at the end of the phone,the DS and the DI who were both compassionate and proffesional throughout.
We met the area commander at one stage and were quite shocked that she knew so much about the case,we knew that the DCI had been involved but somehow it seemed that these people knew more about our daughter than we did.
Of course by the time our daughter was found,albeit at the home of the perpetrator the case had to be closed as far as her being missing was concerned,she was by then 16 years old.
So what happens next,do we follow what the wasps tell us and forget that we ever had a daughter, HELL NO! over my dead body,
The case is now being investigated by the UKHTC in Sheffield, yet another team of Police officers!
There is often poor reporting of the Police by the press but when you get as close to them as we have you soon realise that it is not them that is at fault but the laws themselves.
The red tape that restricts them is ludicrous,if they had the freedom to investigate crimes and prosecute as they should be able to the country would be in much better shape.
Sadly we are not in a good place,there is nothing Great about Britain anymore,political correctness has gone mad, do-gooders have done more harm than good, criminals are protected and that has to change,otherwise vigilantes will take over.
My God how much that has changed!
From the first missing person report filed by the local pc we soon moved up the ranks,our diary shows the endless number of officers entering our house,taking details,looking for evidence,investigating claims that our daughter was being beaten black and blue!
The local bobbies were clearly hacked off with the perpetrator and his lies,the repeated 999 calls when it was obvious nothing was happening,such a waste of their precious manpower.
We were always open and honest with the boys in blue and I'm sure that helped both sides,for a family who had no previous dealings with them we have certainly learnt a lot.
The local CID took over the case in early April,with specialist search teams coming in taking personal effects for DNA samples something that really shook us.
As the case progressed we were invited for regular strategy meetings at either wasp central,in the broom cupboard or in Silver Command suite at the Police station.
The first of those meetings left me feeling totally bewildered,to see our daughters details projected onto huge computer screens,just totally sureal.
Most of our contacts were with the lovely missper co-ordinator who was always available at the end of the phone,the DS and the DI who were both compassionate and proffesional throughout.
We met the area commander at one stage and were quite shocked that she knew so much about the case,we knew that the DCI had been involved but somehow it seemed that these people knew more about our daughter than we did.
Of course by the time our daughter was found,albeit at the home of the perpetrator the case had to be closed as far as her being missing was concerned,she was by then 16 years old.
So what happens next,do we follow what the wasps tell us and forget that we ever had a daughter, HELL NO! over my dead body,
The case is now being investigated by the UKHTC in Sheffield, yet another team of Police officers!
There is often poor reporting of the Police by the press but when you get as close to them as we have you soon realise that it is not them that is at fault but the laws themselves.
The red tape that restricts them is ludicrous,if they had the freedom to investigate crimes and prosecute as they should be able to the country would be in much better shape.
Sadly we are not in a good place,there is nothing Great about Britain anymore,political correctness has gone mad, do-gooders have done more harm than good, criminals are protected and that has to change,otherwise vigilantes will take over.
Sunday, 3 February 2008
Emptiness
The house stands still and silent
Yet chaos rules within
The soul has gone forever
I don't know where to begin
No more the girly chatter
No more the purple and pink
Does it really matter
Just ask me what I think
The house feels cold and bare
The garden is forlorn
I long to chat and share
The stories since you were born
No one understands why I cry each and every day
No words can comfort me,no matter what they say
Yet chaos rules within
The soul has gone forever
I don't know where to begin
No more the girly chatter
No more the purple and pink
Does it really matter
Just ask me what I think
The house feels cold and bare
The garden is forlorn
I long to chat and share
The stories since you were born
No one understands why I cry each and every day
No words can comfort me,no matter what they say
February
The last year has passed in a blur,it's almost a year now since I first reported my daughter as a missing person.That Saturday night the 10th February is carved in my mind,PC's Kevin and Richard sat in our house asking for an up to date photograph,little did we know that very same picture would become so public in coming months,appearing on Marble Arch and on the back of EMCOR vans,on TV and in newspapers.
On 13th February our daughter was PPO'd by Bristol Police after walking into a Police station with the perpetrator,something he is later to deny.She accused us of being child abusers and was put into emergency foster care,walking out just a few hours later.
The following few weeks plunge family and friends into such a confused state,lack of information and no-one to turn to leave me feeling helpless and alone.There are so few people out there who can truly understand the implications of sexual grooming,we were very lucky that the Police were so supportive throughout,it made the whole experience so much more bearable.
On Tuesday 27th Feb our daughter turned up at school,at least physically it was her,looking dirty and bedraggled.Mentally I'm still not sure who it was,the loving caring girl that we all knew had gone,replaced by someone who to this day I am convinced was drugged to the eyeballs.
The conversation that took place in a school office shocked not just me but also her form tutor,gone was the quiet well behaved pupil,as though she had been abducted by aliens,what had happened in those 2 weeks we will never know.
The sensible logical girl had been replaced by a screaming unco-operative irrational person that scared us to death.She refused to get in the family car because ***** had told her that we would kidnap her,she refused to eat our food because ***** had told her it was poisoned.Just what had he done to her to turn her mind against us,how could she accuse us of abuse,not our little Sammy
The following few days were spent constantly on the phone begging for help from anyone we could think of,how naive we were to think that there was anyone out there.What a shame we didn't hear about CROP until so much later down the line,Parentline were hopeless,the dreaded wasps just made me feel like a complete failure as a parent and still do.
The truth is that if this ever happens to you good luck,because you will need it!
On 13th February our daughter was PPO'd by Bristol Police after walking into a Police station with the perpetrator,something he is later to deny.She accused us of being child abusers and was put into emergency foster care,walking out just a few hours later.
The following few weeks plunge family and friends into such a confused state,lack of information and no-one to turn to leave me feeling helpless and alone.There are so few people out there who can truly understand the implications of sexual grooming,we were very lucky that the Police were so supportive throughout,it made the whole experience so much more bearable.
On Tuesday 27th Feb our daughter turned up at school,at least physically it was her,looking dirty and bedraggled.Mentally I'm still not sure who it was,the loving caring girl that we all knew had gone,replaced by someone who to this day I am convinced was drugged to the eyeballs.
The conversation that took place in a school office shocked not just me but also her form tutor,gone was the quiet well behaved pupil,as though she had been abducted by aliens,what had happened in those 2 weeks we will never know.
The sensible logical girl had been replaced by a screaming unco-operative irrational person that scared us to death.She refused to get in the family car because ***** had told her that we would kidnap her,she refused to eat our food because ***** had told her it was poisoned.Just what had he done to her to turn her mind against us,how could she accuse us of abuse,not our little Sammy
The following few days were spent constantly on the phone begging for help from anyone we could think of,how naive we were to think that there was anyone out there.What a shame we didn't hear about CROP until so much later down the line,Parentline were hopeless,the dreaded wasps just made me feel like a complete failure as a parent and still do.
The truth is that if this ever happens to you good luck,because you will need it!
Friday, 1 February 2008
If.......Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about youAre losing theirs and blaming it on you,If you can trust yourself when all men doubt youBut make allowance for their doubting too,If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,Or being hated, don't give way to hating,And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;If you can meet with Triumph and DisasterAnd treat those two impostors just the same;If you can bear to hear the truth you've spokenTwisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:If you can make one heap of all your winningsAnd risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,And lose, and start again at your beginningsAnd never breath a word about your loss;If you can force your heart and nerve and sinewTo serve your turn long after they are gone,And so hold on when there is nothing in youExcept the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;If all men count with you, but none too much,If you can fill the unforgiving minuteWith sixty seconds' worth of distance run,Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!--Rudyard Kipling
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