Coventry

I have never agreed with commiting suicide,it always seems so unfair on those left behind,a coward's way out,however this year I came very close to doing just that.

My daughter had been missing for nearly 6 months when serious crime squad became involved,we were told that whatever happened we wouldn't want to go down the route of worst case scenario.Perhaps the police and I have different views on what that would have been,they of course believed it to be finding a body,3 months on I have to admit that would have been an easier option to what we are facing now.
We suffered the worst 6 months ever imaginable,the emotional trauma was at times too much to bear,the highs and lows,the not knowing and of course the mind games being played by the 3rd party.When we were told that our daughter was alive and living with the man who had been arrested over her disppearance,we had mixed emotions,glad to know she was alive but shocked by the circumstances and frustrated by the unanswered questions.
What tipped me over the edge was the vendetta that started that day,the stream of false allegations about me,the allegations that are still appearing all over the internet even today.
The police were very good and issued a press release to say that there was no truth in them but as a mum the allegations hurt beyond belief.Not only had the man won,he had groomed our daughter and removed her from the family home,but now he was turning the knife,there seemed to be no way out.

In the early hours of one Thursday morning,as usual unable to sleep,I found his latest horror stories on the internet.It was all too much,I grabbed my bottle of sleeping pills and got in the car,I had no idea where I was going,just needed to escape from the horror of the situation.
I'm not sure where I went or what was going through my mind,my phone rang non stop,sometimes I answered sometimes I didn't.Most of the calls were from people who were calling to say how fantastic it was that our daughter had been found safe,of course that just made me feel worse,she may have been found but was ,and still is,in my mind far from safe.
One call was from the senior police officer who had been in charge of the case,he was really concerned and was trying to get me to go home,but I couldn't see a way forward,I needed an escape route.I found myself at the Memorial Park in Coventry,it was a nice sunny day and quite a tranquil place to gather my thoughts.I walked a few laps of the park and then went back to the car,I got as far as taking the lid off the pills and a bottle of water,but something told me to do one more lap.
That extra lap saved my life,as I walked along the path I was stopped by police officers,they had been alerted by our local police and had traced my car,apparently they knew it was me because I was walking so unusually slowly.
I was taken to a police station and guarded for about 5 hours until my husband came to collect me,at some point during that time I was allowed to speak to my daughter.
It was the 1st time I had spoken to her in 6 months and I wasn't in any fit state to deal with it,I wish now I hadn't made the call until my head was clearer.There are so many questions I wanted to ask her,so many things I wanted to say,it's too late now the opportunity has gone.
Much as it breaks my heart,I doubt I will ever see her again,the world that she now lives in is a far cry from the safe and happy environment that she was used to.

Babes,if by chance you ever get to read this,please remember;
Your family will always love you no matter what,the bond that we have will never be broken,not by him or anyone else.
I love you Babes,I may not like what has happened but I will always love you x x x