Just what is sexual grooming

[From Wikipedia]
The deliberate actions taken by an adult to form a trusting relationship with a child, with the intent of later having sexual contact is known as child grooming. The act of grooming a child sexually may include activities that are legal in and of themselves, but later lead to sexual contact. Typically, this is done to gain the child's trust as well as the trust of those responsible for the child's wellbeing. Furthermore, research has shown children are less likely to report a crime if it involves someone that he or she knows, trusts, and cares about. Additionally, a trusting relationship with the family means the child's parents will be less likely to believe any potential accusations.

Examples of grooming activities
Taking an undue interest in someone's child (having a "special" friend)
Giving gifts or money to the child for no apparent reason
Taking the child on outings, away from protective adults
Talking about sexual topics that are not age-appropriate
Invading the child's privacy (e.g. walking in on him/her in the bathroom)
Hugging, kissing, or other physical contact even when the child does not want this attention
Allowing the child to get away with inappropriate behavior
Talking to the child about problems that would normally be discussed with adults (e.g. marital problems)

Child grooming over the Internet
Child sex abusers find the internet an easier place to take part in a variety of child sexual abuse activity including contact with children due to the anonymity of the medium. Some abusers will pose as children online and make arrangements to meet with them in person.


The three stages of grooming [from CROP]

Initial contact is often made in public places such as at school, in shopping malls, entertainment arcades, cinemas, bus or train stations, but may also be through the internet. Even if the initial contact is of her own age, the girl may be passed on to an older ‘friend’ who flatters her with gifts, attractive outings and extravagant promises. She is gradually inveigled into truanting from school, becoming secretive, returning home late and spending increasingly shorter times with her family as well as being introduced to alcohol and drugs.
In the second phase of grooming and exploitation, the friendly association turns into an exchange of favours. Sexual responses are sought as a means to pay back the money spent on cigarettes, drinks, drugs, lifts in cars and mobile phones. As exploitation increases so she is alienated from her family and other support systems such as friends and teachers. She may comply with the perpetrator’s demands out of fear for her own and her family’s safety.
In the third phase, the pimp completely controls the girl’s life. As far as possible he severs her relationships with her family and any other friends or support systems. Threats are made about her own and her family’s safety if she does not comply with the wishes of the pimp. It is very difficult for the girl to break out of this situation of control and dependence, especially as she may by then be addicted to drugs.


Warning signs[from CROP]

• Links with an older man (or occasionally woman) This is often one of the most common warning signs. Those who exploit and control young people often will target those who seem vulnerable or susceptible to grooming. Part of the grooming process will be offering them something exciting and ‘grown up'. Parents should be aware however that more recently a growing trend seems to be for young men the same age or slightly older than the girl concerned to ‘court' her first, before then introducing her to the older man. It is most unlikely that much information will be given freely about these men, and even less likely that you will get to meet them, even though your daughter may have been perfectly happy in the past to bring boyfriends and friends home. Parents should also be aware that in the first instance some pimps use other women/girls to groom their ‘target' for them.
• Mood changes – A lot of parents identify this by saying it is as if she has a split personality. This can manifest itself in many ways – being hyperactive, secretiveness, hostility and aggression, impatience, resentment, anxiousness, withdrawal (sometimes it is very difficult to distinguish this from ‘normal' teenage behaviour!) Young people can also begin to exhibit signs of mental illness, depression, can develop sleeping or eating disorders, and can also begin to self-harm. Typically an abuser will also attempt to isolate young people from their family and friends, so this is something else to be mindful of.
• Changes in appearance - she may often look ill and tired. This may be associated with beginning to take drugs, or struggling to come to terms with abuse. If you suspect that your child is taking drugs, make sure you get good information about drugs and drug use, which neither exaggerates the risks nor understates the dangers.
• Different language - your daughter may start to use street language and copy the way her new associates speak. It has been known for girls to be taught some knowledge of a new language. This can involve a new knowledge of sexual practices or drug taking. Your child may also start to talk about new friends outside her normal social circle, which may cause you concern
• New style of dress/hairstyle/make up - your daughter may start to dress inappropriately in revealing clothing often unsuitable for the weather outside or in the same mode of dress as others, e.g. track suits, large ear rings, hair tied back rather than the loose style you would normally see. She may even change the colour of her hair. She may start to wear a larger amount of make up than normal and experiment with this to make herself look older. This is difficult to distinguish from normal teenage experimentation, but repeated examples of this along with other changes in behaviour should give rise to concern. Similarly it is possible for some young people being abused to deliberately seek to make themselves unattractive by, for example, not washing or wearing loose baggy clothing.
• New possessions - such as jewellery and clothing which is being given to her. She may also have large amounts of money which she cannot account for
• Mobile phone – she may possess a new mobile given to her by a ‘friend'. Excessive use of this either via voice calls or text messaging should be closely monitored. * Be aware that many of the newer mobiles have the ability to take pictures and can also be linked to the internet. Educate yourself in the art of text messaging and become observant of the need for her to get out of the house immediately after or during a mobile phone call or text message. There may also be frequent, secretive calls to her mobile, which often precede her leaving the house.
• Staying out overnight - one of the biggest indicators that a young person might be involved in an exploitative relationship is if she begins to stay out overnight, especially if this is with an older man. Also an issue of concern is if the older man is taking your child to restaurants, wine bars or other adult venues. This is particularly appealing to teenagers and can be a key point in any grooming process. Be aware that drugs may have been used if your child cannot remember what happened whilst she was away from home.
• Truanting from school – this is again is a good example of the isolating process of grooming. Your child may frequently abscond from school and may be seen getting into a car outside the school premises. Interest in school, friends and schoolwork will wane. Staff at school may also begin to see a difference in her behaviour.
• Telling lies - your daughter may begin to tell lies about where she has been and whom she has been with. Your daughter may also become knowledgeable about certain aspects of the law, and may become inexplicably hostile to agencies such as the police and social services. Some young people have claimed to have been abused by parents and asked to be placed in social services accommodation. Residential units and foster carers often find it hard to prevent young people leaving premises to see their ‘boyfriends', so this may be the motivation behind the request, which will have been suggested by the abuser .
• Drug use - often drugs will be involved, probably starting with cannabis and sometimes moving onto harder drugs such as crack, amphetamines, ecstasy and heroin. Your child may not be aware that she has been given drugs. It is very easy to put cannabis in with tobacco to make a ‘roll up'. Educate yourself about drugs and know the signs of drug abuse. Look for physical evidence - spoons, silver foil, ‘tabs', ‘rocks', etc - secreted in bedrooms.
• A new name - pimps often give girls a new name to avoid detection if she is picked up on the street. You may come across evidence of this in your daughter's possession, e.g. false identification, a stolen passport or driving licence.
• Motor vehicles are now being used more frequently by pimps to pick up young people. Be observant about her talking of new friends with cars or being picked up from outside your house or down the street. Watch for links to her mobile, car horns and her going out. If possible try to keep a note of registration numbers, type and colour of car etc. if this should happen.
• Use of Internet – It is possible for a child to be groomed in the first instance over the internet. Set boundaries for the use of the internet in your house and regularly monitor chat rooms, instant messages, internet relay chat and your child's e-mail. Contact the police immediately if you find that your child has received child pornography, sexual explicit images or been sexually solicited by someone via the internet.


What you should do if you believe your child is a victim of grooming


• Go with your instincts – you have the life knowledge your child has yet to gain. Do not underestimate the seriousness and dangers and make sure all the professionals who are coming into contact with your child are aware of your concerns.
• Have rules about using the internet, especially about giving out personal information such as names, age and addresses and arranging meetings.
• Report to the police every time your child goes missing.
• Keep diaries and detailed notes of all incidents involving your child.
• Keep your child's birth certificate and passport locked away in a safe place.
• Always bear in mind that your child is a victim and may have been targeted by a ruthless, clever and manipulative criminal. He knows exactly what he is doing, and part of that will be to cause conflict between you and your child. At times it will be hard, but please ~
keep the ‘door open' to your child.

CROP is the working name of The Coalition for the Removal of Pimping, based in Leeds
Telephone numbers:
0113 240 3040
mobile : 079 6001 8884
further enquiries 0113 266 7214

CROP's postal address is :
34 York Road,
LEEDS
LS9 8TA
Email : info@cropuk.org.uk
Website http://www.cropuk.org.uk/