The house stands still and silent
Yet chaos rules within
The soul has gone forever
I don't know where to begin
No more the girly chatter
No more the purple and pink
Does it really matter
Just ask me what I think
The house feels cold and bare
The garden is forlorn
I long to chat and share
The stories since you were born
No one understands why I cry each and every day
No words can comfort me,no matter what they say
Sunday, 3 February 2008
February
The last year has passed in a blur,it's almost a year now since I first reported my daughter as a missing person.That Saturday night the 10th February is carved in my mind,PC's Kevin and Richard sat in our house asking for an up to date photograph,little did we know that very same picture would become so public in coming months,appearing on Marble Arch and on the back of EMCOR vans,on TV and in newspapers.
On 13th February our daughter was PPO'd by Bristol Police after walking into a Police station with the perpetrator,something he is later to deny.She accused us of being child abusers and was put into emergency foster care,walking out just a few hours later.
The following few weeks plunge family and friends into such a confused state,lack of information and no-one to turn to leave me feeling helpless and alone.There are so few people out there who can truly understand the implications of sexual grooming,we were very lucky that the Police were so supportive throughout,it made the whole experience so much more bearable.
On Tuesday 27th Feb our daughter turned up at school,at least physically it was her,looking dirty and bedraggled.Mentally I'm still not sure who it was,the loving caring girl that we all knew had gone,replaced by someone who to this day I am convinced was drugged to the eyeballs.
The conversation that took place in a school office shocked not just me but also her form tutor,gone was the quiet well behaved pupil,as though she had been abducted by aliens,what had happened in those 2 weeks we will never know.
The sensible logical girl had been replaced by a screaming unco-operative irrational person that scared us to death.She refused to get in the family car because ***** had told her that we would kidnap her,she refused to eat our food because ***** had told her it was poisoned.Just what had he done to her to turn her mind against us,how could she accuse us of abuse,not our little Sammy
The following few days were spent constantly on the phone begging for help from anyone we could think of,how naive we were to think that there was anyone out there.What a shame we didn't hear about CROP until so much later down the line,Parentline were hopeless,the dreaded wasps just made me feel like a complete failure as a parent and still do.
The truth is that if this ever happens to you good luck,because you will need it!
On 13th February our daughter was PPO'd by Bristol Police after walking into a Police station with the perpetrator,something he is later to deny.She accused us of being child abusers and was put into emergency foster care,walking out just a few hours later.
The following few weeks plunge family and friends into such a confused state,lack of information and no-one to turn to leave me feeling helpless and alone.There are so few people out there who can truly understand the implications of sexual grooming,we were very lucky that the Police were so supportive throughout,it made the whole experience so much more bearable.
On Tuesday 27th Feb our daughter turned up at school,at least physically it was her,looking dirty and bedraggled.Mentally I'm still not sure who it was,the loving caring girl that we all knew had gone,replaced by someone who to this day I am convinced was drugged to the eyeballs.
The conversation that took place in a school office shocked not just me but also her form tutor,gone was the quiet well behaved pupil,as though she had been abducted by aliens,what had happened in those 2 weeks we will never know.
The sensible logical girl had been replaced by a screaming unco-operative irrational person that scared us to death.She refused to get in the family car because ***** had told her that we would kidnap her,she refused to eat our food because ***** had told her it was poisoned.Just what had he done to her to turn her mind against us,how could she accuse us of abuse,not our little Sammy
The following few days were spent constantly on the phone begging for help from anyone we could think of,how naive we were to think that there was anyone out there.What a shame we didn't hear about CROP until so much later down the line,Parentline were hopeless,the dreaded wasps just made me feel like a complete failure as a parent and still do.
The truth is that if this ever happens to you good luck,because you will need it!
Friday, 1 February 2008
If.......Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about youAre losing theirs and blaming it on you,If you can trust yourself when all men doubt youBut make allowance for their doubting too,If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,Or being hated, don't give way to hating,And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;If you can meet with Triumph and DisasterAnd treat those two impostors just the same;If you can bear to hear the truth you've spokenTwisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:If you can make one heap of all your winningsAnd risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,And lose, and start again at your beginningsAnd never breath a word about your loss;If you can force your heart and nerve and sinewTo serve your turn long after they are gone,And so hold on when there is nothing in youExcept the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;If all men count with you, but none too much,If you can fill the unforgiving minuteWith sixty seconds' worth of distance run,Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!--Rudyard Kipling
Tuesday, 29 January 2008
"Sexual exploitation" by Barnardos
Sexual exploitation
Children involved in prostitution are victims of abuse and sexual exploitation. They may believe that they are making informed choices, but are usually coerced into such a lifestyle by others. For example, it is common for a girl to think that the pimp who controls every aspect of her life is her boyfriend and she remains loyal to him despite the fact that he forces her to have sex with many men and beats her if she refuses. Similarly, boys abused through prostitution rarely see themselves as victims of abusive sexual behaviour.
"He bought me clothes, jewellery, expensive rings, and told me he'd be with me forever, never leave me or hurt me. But all I have got out of my life is a drugs problem and lots of beatings,"Jane, aged 16, speaking about her pimp
The true extent of abuse of children and young people through prostitution is unknown because most activity takes place behind closed doors. The hidden nature of this heinous crime makes it easier for abusing adults to continue enslaving and selling children. The internet and mobile phones have also unfortunately made this sickening ‘trade’ in children easier as it is now possible to watch as children are abused.
The facts
We work with girls as young as ten and boys as young as eleven who are known to have been abused through prostitution
The horrific abuse these children suffer can be extreme; they are raped, sexually assaulted, suffer bruises, burns and broken bones
The pain of children’s experiences often shows itself in self-destructive behaviour such as self-mutilation, overdosing and eating disorders.
"Do you think I just woke up one day and thought ‘I’ll be a rent boy today?’ Thousands of things have happened to get me here - mum leaving, no-one at home, hanging around the pub waiting for dad, blokes trying to touch us up, seeing boys do tricks and getting cash and fags"14 year old boy abused through prostitution.
How Barnardo's helps
Barnardo’s runs 29 sexual exploitation projects that offer a safe, confidential environment where young people can go for help, advice and support. They provide food, bath and laundry facilities as well as advice and information on accommodation, careers, contraception, sexual health and drug use.
Our project workers actively seek out the young people, offering them someone to talk to and the long-term support they need if they want to change their way of life. The projects also work extremely closely with the police to bring about the prosecution of the perpetrators of sexual exploitation. Our research suggests that what we do to help young people who are sexually exploited does work.
We also campaign to raise awareness of the issues and our efforts have influenced the government to change law and policy throughout the UK. This includes the Sexual Offences Act 2003 which was the first major overhaul of sexual offences legislation for more than a century.
Children involved in prostitution are victims of abuse and sexual exploitation. They may believe that they are making informed choices, but are usually coerced into such a lifestyle by others. For example, it is common for a girl to think that the pimp who controls every aspect of her life is her boyfriend and she remains loyal to him despite the fact that he forces her to have sex with many men and beats her if she refuses. Similarly, boys abused through prostitution rarely see themselves as victims of abusive sexual behaviour.
"He bought me clothes, jewellery, expensive rings, and told me he'd be with me forever, never leave me or hurt me. But all I have got out of my life is a drugs problem and lots of beatings,"Jane, aged 16, speaking about her pimp
The true extent of abuse of children and young people through prostitution is unknown because most activity takes place behind closed doors. The hidden nature of this heinous crime makes it easier for abusing adults to continue enslaving and selling children. The internet and mobile phones have also unfortunately made this sickening ‘trade’ in children easier as it is now possible to watch as children are abused.
The facts
We work with girls as young as ten and boys as young as eleven who are known to have been abused through prostitution
The horrific abuse these children suffer can be extreme; they are raped, sexually assaulted, suffer bruises, burns and broken bones
The pain of children’s experiences often shows itself in self-destructive behaviour such as self-mutilation, overdosing and eating disorders.
"Do you think I just woke up one day and thought ‘I’ll be a rent boy today?’ Thousands of things have happened to get me here - mum leaving, no-one at home, hanging around the pub waiting for dad, blokes trying to touch us up, seeing boys do tricks and getting cash and fags"14 year old boy abused through prostitution.
How Barnardo's helps
Barnardo’s runs 29 sexual exploitation projects that offer a safe, confidential environment where young people can go for help, advice and support. They provide food, bath and laundry facilities as well as advice and information on accommodation, careers, contraception, sexual health and drug use.
Our project workers actively seek out the young people, offering them someone to talk to and the long-term support they need if they want to change their way of life. The projects also work extremely closely with the police to bring about the prosecution of the perpetrators of sexual exploitation. Our research suggests that what we do to help young people who are sexually exploited does work.
We also campaign to raise awareness of the issues and our efforts have influenced the government to change law and policy throughout the UK. This includes the Sexual Offences Act 2003 which was the first major overhaul of sexual offences legislation for more than a century.
Sunday, 27 January 2008
Cotton wool
I was physically sick yesterday with worry, I doubt anyone noticed why.
My son had arranged to go to the local shopping centre with mates, old enough to be trusted and buses reliable why should I worry?
This time last year my daughter did the same thing,the only problem is that she wasn't with mates as she had promised, instead she had met up with a man who it turns out had a history of grooming young girls. It has now been nearly 10 months since we saw her, the odd meeting to the local shopping centre soon became much more worrying, days turned into weeks her behaviour and attitude to life changing completely.
I will never understand how someone can gain so much control over a girl who was so independant and free thinking, we are still left with so many unanswered questions.
My loving son returned home as promised before 6pm, happy with his day of independance.
My nerves now calmed I know I can't wrap him in cotton wool, it doesn't stop me from giving him the biggest hug imaginable.
When I look at him I often wonder what his sister would say, would she recognise him now, what would she think to his style of dress, his new taste in music, I hope that one day soon we will all find out.
My son had arranged to go to the local shopping centre with mates, old enough to be trusted and buses reliable why should I worry?
This time last year my daughter did the same thing,the only problem is that she wasn't with mates as she had promised, instead she had met up with a man who it turns out had a history of grooming young girls. It has now been nearly 10 months since we saw her, the odd meeting to the local shopping centre soon became much more worrying, days turned into weeks her behaviour and attitude to life changing completely.
I will never understand how someone can gain so much control over a girl who was so independant and free thinking, we are still left with so many unanswered questions.
My loving son returned home as promised before 6pm, happy with his day of independance.
My nerves now calmed I know I can't wrap him in cotton wool, it doesn't stop me from giving him the biggest hug imaginable.
When I look at him I often wonder what his sister would say, would she recognise him now, what would she think to his style of dress, his new taste in music, I hope that one day soon we will all find out.
Friday, 25 January 2008
The ups and downs of emotions
During the last year we have all learnt to deal with changing emotions,sometimes we can deal with it and sometimes we can't.
Sometimes the dark days go on forever,sometimes its just a few minutes of despair.
Reading back through last years diary brings back a whole mass of emotions that although never forgotten somehow don't seem as bad now.
Perhaps people are right when they say time heals all wounds,perhaps we have just become hardened to the scum of this world and evil tactics they use.
When people ask me to explain sexual grooming and the effects it has on the families concerned they always seem shocked,I guess we would have been a year ago.Now of course its just everyday life to us,we take it in our stride,the phone calls from police officers seem normal,the thought of living a normal life again seems like a fairy tale.
I still feel really confused by the laws relating to children,I am my daughters legal guardian if the authorities wish to prosecute me,however if I want to exert some control over the current situation then I have no rights as a parent.
Today I was really encouraged after talking to the police,there seems to be some hope for the outcome we are fighting for,sadly that was soon squished by a call about the dreaded 'wasps'.
I have always been an honest person and take pride in giving good customer service in my job
so I find it really hard to deal with people who are supposed to be some sort of authority in the welfare of children.These people lie to make themselves sound better and to be honest wouldn't know good customer service if it jumped up and smacked them in the face.
Along with most parents in our situation,we have discovered that the authorities don't give a damn about the welfare of the child,all they want is to get rid of the case as fast as possible.
Sadly for them,they may be able to forget the child but the parents don't give up easily.
For all the girls out there who have been exploited by men pretending to be boyfriends,the fight will go on,some families will never give up on their children,no matter what!
Sometimes the dark days go on forever,sometimes its just a few minutes of despair.
Reading back through last years diary brings back a whole mass of emotions that although never forgotten somehow don't seem as bad now.
Perhaps people are right when they say time heals all wounds,perhaps we have just become hardened to the scum of this world and evil tactics they use.
When people ask me to explain sexual grooming and the effects it has on the families concerned they always seem shocked,I guess we would have been a year ago.Now of course its just everyday life to us,we take it in our stride,the phone calls from police officers seem normal,the thought of living a normal life again seems like a fairy tale.
I still feel really confused by the laws relating to children,I am my daughters legal guardian if the authorities wish to prosecute me,however if I want to exert some control over the current situation then I have no rights as a parent.
Today I was really encouraged after talking to the police,there seems to be some hope for the outcome we are fighting for,sadly that was soon squished by a call about the dreaded 'wasps'.
I have always been an honest person and take pride in giving good customer service in my job
so I find it really hard to deal with people who are supposed to be some sort of authority in the welfare of children.These people lie to make themselves sound better and to be honest wouldn't know good customer service if it jumped up and smacked them in the face.
Along with most parents in our situation,we have discovered that the authorities don't give a damn about the welfare of the child,all they want is to get rid of the case as fast as possible.
Sadly for them,they may be able to forget the child but the parents don't give up easily.
For all the girls out there who have been exploited by men pretending to be boyfriends,the fight will go on,some families will never give up on their children,no matter what!
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
Victoria Sandwich
My son really wants a victoria sandwich with jam and butter cream,the only problem is we can't make one.
There is only one member of the family who has ever been able to make a good sponge cake and she hasn't been here for a long time.
It's really odd what reduces me to tears these days,the inability to make a cake is today's problem along with finding a pair of pink converse lurking at the back of the cupboard.
Social services tell us to forget we ever had a daughter but when you've loved a child so much it is absolutely impossible to forget,no matter what they tell us.
So what do I do about the cake,perhaps I should keep trying and keep producing frisbees,perhaps I should give in and accept the fact that we won't be eating them again.
For your little bro please come home and make a cake babes, just like you used to.
There is only one member of the family who has ever been able to make a good sponge cake and she hasn't been here for a long time.
It's really odd what reduces me to tears these days,the inability to make a cake is today's problem along with finding a pair of pink converse lurking at the back of the cupboard.
Social services tell us to forget we ever had a daughter but when you've loved a child so much it is absolutely impossible to forget,no matter what they tell us.
So what do I do about the cake,perhaps I should keep trying and keep producing frisbees,perhaps I should give in and accept the fact that we won't be eating them again.
For your little bro please come home and make a cake babes, just like you used to.
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